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Cool Teacher · Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 10:51 am Post subject: Culture Clash with my wfie!

So, this is a bit personal buit my wife and I have different cultures she is Japanese and I am English but we sometimes argue abtou little things which is caused by culture clash. Sad

For example, she is really really sensetive about something touching different surfaces. If a bag goes on the floor it must not go on a chair etc...

Today she came home with her shopping and I went to answer the door like a good husband Wink

She put the bags in my hand as soon as I opened the doot but my foot touched the floor in the genkan and then when I went into the kitchen to put the bags of food in the cupboards and the firge she goes ballistic and says I must take off my socks NOW!!!! Shocked

She says it's really really dirty to put your feet on the genkan and then on the floor. And not just a little angry but like right up to 11! (IF you have seen Spinal Tap you know the menaing. Laughing

) So now I am all confused and trying to change my socks and then I go back to put away the food and she's like "Oh don't even bother!" But I am trying to help so I keep putting the food away in the cupboards and the fridge and then she says, "Oh so you are not going to ask me anything?" And I am confused again and say, "Did you have a nice day?" but she ignores me and then I remember that she went to have her hair cut but she's tied her hair back so it doesn't look that different and I think maybe she didn't get her hair cut, so I ask "Did you have your hari cut today?" and she says, "Can't you notice?" and I'm like "Wow!" But actually I don't know. I really can't tell. "You have your hair tied back!" But she says, "Yeah obviously because I am going to cook food and why is that bowl there and why is that cup in here, and why did you take the tray out of the oven?" Surprised

So I say, "Because I cooked pizza for lunch"

"Why didn't you eat the bread?" Mad

Now I feel like I can't even relax in my own house. Shocked

Can anyone give any advice? Crying or Very sad

cat mother · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 62

I don't see any culture clash here. Just personality differences.

Cool Teacher · Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 11:14 am Post subject:

timothypfox · Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 492

It's about the genkan. The cooking stuff is just minor. Swallow your pride because whether it matters to you or not the genkan issue seems to be big for her. Remember she's been raised every single day of her life to think that the genkan is dirty, so just respect that and make that small change. I don't think this is something that you can have a give and take issue about. Other things such as where a particular bowl should go is something else.

fat_chris · Joined: 10 Sep 2003 Posts: 3198 Location: Beijing

I know you're married and all and it is a give-and-take in such a relationship, but I wouldn't put up with that. As a single guy, it's easy for me to say this and perhaps I'm missing the point.

Maybe that's my problem--I would give the attitude right back. I don't care if someone is having a bad day--treating an adult like a child is all it takes to set me off.

Sorry if this isn't helpful.

Warm regards,
fat_chris

fat_chris · Joined: 10 Sep 2003 Posts: 3198 Location: Beijing

Haha! When I first glanced at the title, I thought it read "culture clash with my wi-fi".

In China I definitely have a culture clash with the wi-fi. Stupid Great Firewall.

Warm regards,
fat_chris

Cool Teacher · Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 12:47 pm Post subject:

Cool Teacher · Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 12:52 pm Post subject:

cat mother · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 62

I know it's about the genkan stuff. But she seems to be acting like a spoiled brat about it. Hence my different personalities comment. Not every Japanese woman is like that. And in my family there are plenty, so I should know.

jtea · Joined: 22 Apr 2014 Posts: 69

mitsui · Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 1562 Location: Kawasaki

Sounds like an Osaka woman. Some of them get angry all of a sudden.

PO1 · Joined: 24 May 2010 Posts: 136

For me, figuring out what buttons can't be pushed comes with any relationship regardless of who you're with. Some people just get set off by certain things. For instance, I don't like it when I ask a person a question and they ignore me. It's my personal pet peeve. If certain things set people off, it's good not to push those buttons. So if stepping on something dirty and tracking dirt in the house bothers your wife, then you learned something that pushes her buttons. Try not to do it again and make life easier for both of you.

However, if stepping on a dirty floor is the worst of your problems, then you're doing pretty well.

Inflames · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 486

This isn't a culture thing, she's completely overreacting about the genkan thing.

Based on the post, it was rather clearly one of those days for your wife (when nothing will make her happy) - everyone has them.

steki47 · Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Posts: 1029 Location: BFE Inaka

Cool Teacher · Posted: Tue May 06, 2014 1:09 pm Post subject:

Phew! Thanks everyone and anyway I think I found out the main problame. She didn't like her hair cut. Wink

So I think she was taking it out on me a lot about just that problem but today we had a nice day so no problem. Cool