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[ChattyPancake]

I failed a CELTA course on the U.S. east coast November-December 2013 at the age of 52. 12 students - I was the only one who didn't pass (I took a withdrawal, but failed 2 of 4 writing assignments, and the final 6 teaching demonstrations - so the word "failed" is very much in my mind).

I put myself through school while working full time and grappling with (a nearly life-long) depression. I've been fighting it for decades, but it's always there - though I'm still fightin' (with capsaicin now).

I taught in Bangkok and Sài Gòn for about 10 years, but my depression (the 800-pound gorilla) got to the point that it was affecting my teaching, causing me to lose classes and not make enough money to support my family. So I returned to The States 3 years ago, leaving my wife and son in Sài Gòn. I found out 2 years ago that I have Asperger's Syndrome as well.

I knew the course would be very tough, but I had no precedent to go by (in taking a course THIS impacted while dealing with depression, separation from family and other conscious/subconscious stress factors). I didn't know how "untogether" I was until I took the course. It just provided a smaller and painful example of just how far off the rails my depression has taken me.

I couldn't get the concepts. I'd get home at 6-630pm, eat dinner, then start my homework around 730pm. Hoping to be in bed by midnight, it never happened. I think 430am was the earliest (including Fri/Sat/Sun). Keeping those hours, I never had a chance do a second draft of a paper, lesson plan, etc. Also, with those hours, sometimes I'd just go to bed at 7pm, wake up at midnight and do the assignments until it was time to go to school. Usually I'd be one of the first ones there, just to use those 45 minutes to try to get "prepared." I did catch up on my sleep though, as I'd fall asleep in class until the instructor would yell, "Chatty, wake up or get out!!!" (The other instructor had far more tact.)

My teaching demos were painful - for everybody. I'd lose my place in my notes, try to backtrack or inadvertently skip forward. I'd leave out key points, or the clock would run out before I could complete 60% of the lesson. Once I just totally checked-out, like "Where am I?" Nearly the whole course for me was like looking at a 20X20 TV screen where the whole screen is that snowy, static except the right, bottom inch, which is clear.

I still get bummed about it at times, but it was a HUGE life lesson that couch sessions or self-help books could never have given me.

Please make sure you're physically/mentally healthy before doing the CELTA. BE SURE OF THIS. How intense are the stress factors in your life at that moment? If they are going to sidetrack you during the course, then hold off and take the course later. MAKE SURE YOU'RE AS WHOLE AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE.

I took this from one of the threads below: "If you can't get through the CELTA, you're in the wrong game." If they had any encouragement to offer, would they?

Anyway, I have every intention of getting as healthy as possible, passing the CELTA this time, getting back to my family and to the teaching I love.

Wow - this was pretty therapeutic. Thanks for reading.

See you in class.

Chatty

[spiral78]

[ChattyPancake]

[MuscatGary]

Good for you for sticking at it. Have you considered maybe taking the CELTA part-time? Could reduce the intensity and thereby the pressure. Obviously it would take longer but maybe worth the trade-off?

[ChattyPancake]