Job Discussion Forums

[Bubba]

Bit abt my background. I'm a 30yo Western guy who's lived in Japan for 4 years and HK for 2. My ex-wife was Japanese and my current girlfriend is Cantonese. I've travelled to Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, S'pore, The Philippines. I've had numerous relationships and dalliances in the last 6 and a half years and I freely admit to being afflicted with 'Yellow Fever'. I'd like to discuss this oft-maligned social phenomenon.

Don't flame me for this but there seems to be a lot of bitterness from western women in Asian countries about these relationships. Jealousy perhaps?

The common argument is that western men seek a more feminine and docile partner. I dispute the docile part. It's also an insult to both parties in the relationship. I'm not discussing casual flings and sex-buddy arrangements here.

I've identified two basic types. The young and fit western guys will get a woman with a similar education level who has good English and likes travel and wants to broaden her horizons. These girls are mostly Japanese, Korean, HK or Taiwanese, or ethnic Chinese from Singapore or Malayasia or Indonesia. They seek adventure and romance. Naturally these relationships are prevalent in Japan, Korea, HK and Taiwan where there are many young foreign men working, particulalry as English teachers.

The old fat white guys found in HK, Manila, Bangkok, Pattaya and so on have more money but less charm. They also perhaps have more 'traditional' relationship requirements. They've often been married in their youth and now seek young Thai, Indonesian, Filipino or Vietnamese women who'll cook and clean and raise babies and presumably keep their mouths shut. These guys in my opinion suit the docility-hunter stereotype. The women for their part need economic aid for their families and the need for such stability forces them to choose much older foreign men.

So with an eye to these two markets, what are your general comments on the relationship between western men and Asian women? In particular are western women - the archetypal 'Angry White Chicks' - really that upset about the whole thing?

[Glenski]

I guess my first comment is why do you equate western with white?

[denise]

Despite my occasional sarcastic/bitter remark, no, I'm really not all that upset by it. Why not? Becuase if we assume the negative stereotype (your man#2--the old white guy who wants someone to cook, clean, etc.) to be true, then, well, that's not the sort of guy I'd want to have anything to do with anyway. And of course I know it's not true in many cases. (Denise offers a weak defense of herself: "but... but I have white male friends who are dating Japanese girls, and they're OK!") The small percentage of men who come here exclusively to score with chicks when no western girls will have them piss me off, though, because I think they are exploiting what they perceive to be docile, feminine little playthings (very unfair to the ladies!).

I prefer western men to Japanese, so I suppose that I am in direct competition with Japanese girls. If I may be permitted a moment of arrogance/pride/vanity (for lack of better terms), though, I get plenty of male attention here, from foreigners and locals.

Bubba, I know you want a level-headed discussion, and I hope I have managed to a) express my opinion and b) stay level-headed. This is a touchy issue, but hopefully this thread can steer clear of the flames that usually accompany dating threads.

d

[chitownesl]

Even if there was a justified and morally sound reason for western caucasian men to drift towards asian women, it would still upset western caucasian women, wouldn't it? So who cares about why?

Seems human nature that people are not fond of those who stray outside their race. Same goes with inter-religious marriages and so forth down the line. The heart of the matter is that they instinctually don't like it. I'm sure there are cultural and sociological reasons for the phenomenon, Such as..."They just go for asians because of their docile ways, blah blah" or "Japanese women are tired of the typical Japanese male mentality about relationships" Anyway...if I noticed that there was a growing trend of white women preferring black men over white guys, it might stir me up a bit. But I wouldn't place a value judgement on it. It is what it is. Live with it, deal with it, cope with it.

[Chris12]

[quote="chitownesl"]Even if there was a justified and morally sound reason for western caucasian men to drift towards asian women, it would still upset western caucasian women, wouldn't it? So who cares about why?

I couldn't agree more with the above quote!

I always get a laugh when someone ask me about my Japanese wife being docile! She is quite the opposite to almost being domineering. However I find her and most Asian women are more appreciative and not as greedy was western woman.　

[joncharles]

[PAULH]

[denise]

[guest of Japan]

Have a heart you guys and girls. Most of us western men only get to enjoy a short time living our "hero" status. You women folk only have to endure a short time with the "zero" status. I'd say it all evens out, but as some of those other threads have shown, to some men it hasn't.

By the way, you shouldn't go on appearances alone. Some of those beautiful girls walking arm and arm with the "zeros" are considered undateable by people who think with their brain.

[Nagoyaguy]

The reason most western guys here date Japanese ladies is that, well, about 99% of the women here ARE Japanese! Its a numbers game. The whole "white guys just want to date a doormat" rap is a defensive reaction to the situation. If you did a poll of married men on this site, I think you would find that most married Japanese ladies with both;

a/ a backbone
and
b/ a brain.

I know I did!

As for the western ladies out there who take it so personally- dont. There are plenty of good looking Japanese guys you can meet and date if you want to. Perhaps the problem is that Japanese guys are either too busy to date (anyone), or tend to be a little shy about communicating with foreign people (of either gender).

The irony is that in terms of raw numbers, far more Japanese MEN marry foreign women than Japanese WOMEN marry foreign men. But, in our sheltered little western/caucasian world, we dont see it.

[Lynn]

[Sherri]

I am with you there Lynn, as an American female, I don't really care. Why should I?

[kanjizai]

I find this very interesting because the same things that are being said about white males dating asian women are the same things being said about black men dating white women i.e. they're more docile, they will keep their mouth shout, so on and so forth. Maybe its a subconscious fear of the group not surviving or something. Whatever it is, there always to seem to individuals in any group who get jealous or just dont understand interracial relationships. What can be done? Just live and love.

[blackguy-n-Asia]

Absolutely right.

I've dated white girls and asian girls (currently a korean g-friend) and I get te same looks from my own people. It reads "why are you dating them. You can't cope with your own kind!"

Stereotypes are from people who hate, regardless of race.

The more poeple can judge by the content of character, instead of the colour of skin, the better off we would all be.

I don't know how it is in Japan, but I would think that some Japanese would prefer a 'western' boyfriend/girlfriend just because they are different, and from a different culture.

[denise]