Job Discussion Forums

[yodetta]

ok, i HAVE to ask about this. Perhaps this discussion goes on off list - and that's fine and great - but I haven't read many honest exchanges about women's experiences with the men in the countries they teach in.

I'm not assuming you're all hetero (I'm bi, myself...and, incidentally, by myself ), but for those of you women who are hetero...give me the skinny. How are the single men in the countries you've been in? Attractive? Chauvinistic? Do they like American women? Have you been harassed?

I'm curious. Give me the scoop....and that can go both ways.

peace,
Y

[Teacher in Rome]

I'm surprised that you've not had an avalanche of replies yet...

Italian men - well-dressed, good manners, clean... With most of them you'd be fighting for mirror space.

But the biggest problem for me is that a large proportion of them expect their wives to perform the same tasks for them as their mummies do. You'd be chained to the oven / washing maching / ironing board if they had their way. A large percentage of women (something like 40%) don't work outside the home at all, which might explain the less-than enlightened view of women's emancipation.

Still, Italian men (in Rome at least) are good-looking and charming. Even if they are not generally very tall.

[yodetta]

Yes, I have that impression of Italian men from the ones I've dated. Being about 4'11" myself, height isn't a problem although I do prefer tall guys

And I get the gist that most Japanese men prefer Japanese women.

But what about Eastern Europe? Come on girlfriends, what are the guys like in Prague? Krakow? Do they stand up to that pale-eyed, cigarette-smoking stereotype? Too many alcoholics?

I hope folks don't get the impression from my avatar that I'm in this racket for the sex...I'm really pretty monastic. And a hopeless romantic!

Y

[TEAM_PAPUA]

[yodetta]

In spite of the previous tenor, I'm really asking for honest, mature feedback to a practical question. Since most people teaching abroad are single, the issue of dating is bound to come up for many...and I'd like to learn about some cross-cultural experiences with that....

....we can let stereotypes aside, unless you think they really fit.

On a practical level, I'd like to know where my American compats felt safe/unsafe with respect to gender relations, where they experienced harassment or restrictive stereotyping, had enjoyable dating experiences, etc. I'm an independent person, and want to enter prospective situations as open-eyed as possible.

peace,
Y

[hahahaha]

UNFORTUNATELY ONLY FOR THE AMERICANS.

[Sekhmet]

I was stunned the first time I came to Egypt how many good-looking men there actually are here!!! Granted, most of the REALLY good-looking ones are either married or have no English, but that's by the by.

But the thing that Egyptians have over any other country in my experience is how nice they are. Ok, so the women are nicer than the men, but the men still go out of their ways to help you.

But again is the problem facing Teacher in Rome - the whole lack of female emancipation. It seems to be getting better, and if you can get the right guy everything is ok, but in most homes the woman is definitely the metaphorical "house-slave". The wierd thing is, they don't seem to mind either!!!

[thelmadatter]

I started dating (after 3 years of being divorced) here in Mexico about 10 months ago. Overall I would say my experiences have been very very positive! One thing I have noticed and appreciate about the men I have met is that they pretty much tell you their intentions from day one. Meaning that if all they are interested in is sex - its pretty obvious. If its more/different, its obvious too. Now its not always true and Ive spent must of the past 10 months trying to figure out exactly how the game is played... but Ive definitly not been sorry to meet anyone I have so far.

Havent run into the house-slave thing with the guys I meet. Maybe because guys interested in a foreigner might be more open-minded than most?

I dont know how much of it has to do with age either - Im forty and date guys from 35 and up.

[moonraven]

I have been in Mexico for the better part of 12 years. I have never run on the platform of monogamy--don't believe in it and don't believe in marriage either (especially after 12 years of it with a man with 5 planets in Taurus who should have been planted outin the field)--so I am probably not too typical of the women my age (59) on this forum.

I have found Mexican men to be very good sports in this area of male/female dialog. I have had one relationship for 10 years now with a man 13 years younger--it overlapped for 6 years with a relationship with one 27 years younger, and fortunately they got along well together. I have had several friend/lover relationships and some that were just lovers (one of that bunch is still in there pitching although I terminated the relationship 9 years ago, and I have to say that it's kind of a drag--especially since he turned 50 this year and I have only made one exception to my Turn 40 and You're Out rule.) Mexican men pride themselves on their sense of humor more than on their ability as lovers--and that approach serves them well.

[yodetta]

Are you both teaching English in Mexico?

I find your responses interesting, since I'd had this idea that Mexican/Latino men would be the most chauvinistic (sorry guys ). Can't say that I'm pulled toward teaching South of this border, but one never knows. I'd been to Mexico City/Oaxaca on a vaca and enjoyed it much.

Hearing different experiences really helps cut through some of those stereotypes.

Anyone want to chime in on Eastern/Central Europe and China?

Y

[thelmadatter]

yodetta,

I have been teaching here a little over a year. I thought, as you did, that there would be a problem with chauvinisism, but it hasnt been a problem for me so far. I wont go so far to say that there is no double-standard here - but I guess my situation allows me to avoid guys with such issues fairly easily.

[moonraven]

I teach English--sometimes; I also teach other subjects, and I teach in Spanish as well--am currently teaching in Spanish at a university in Oaxaca State.

I think it's very dangerous to apply stereotypes--although it is also hard to avoid doing that, as the mass media beats us up with them 24/7. My experience of Mexican men began in the US with my second real boyfriend--at age 13--who impressed me not only with his good looks and laid-back attitude, but also for his strong sense of responsibility to his family--and his skills at baseball (we played on the same team).
This is a dominantly right brain culture, and its very refreshing not to have to deal with men who want to analyze their relationships to death the way they do in most of non-Latin western cultures.

[Lynn]

There seems to be a rule that Japanese guys only like Japanese girls. I must have been the exception. I lived in Japan for 4 years and many guys wanted to date me or marry me. I even had a few of my older lady friends try to set me up with their sons. What can I say about Japanese guys? I'm married to one and he's hot. J guys for the most part are not "macho". I think it's a matter of saving face or something. It's much less embarassing to admit "hey, I can't do that" or "hey, that scares me" than to be macho and pretend to be okay with something that's not. Little boys cry, teenage boys don't cuz they are too hot-headed, but there comes a time when a truely mature man can cry again.