Job Discussion Forums

lajzar · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Posts: 647 Location: Saitama-ken, Japan

Never assume that photos are looked at. I met this Japanese woman on an internet dating site. Exchanged emaisl for a couple of weeks, exchanged photos.

When we finally met, she couldn't get away fast enough. Seems she was surprised that I wasn't actually white, despite the photo and me telling her.

Almost completely off topic, I just needed to rant. Embarassed

Sweetsee · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 2302 Location: ) is everything

Hi Lajzar,

Forget that kook!

Cheers,
sweetsee

Celeste · Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 4:40 am Post subject:

Poor guy! You're better off without her, then. Some people can be really shallow. Perhaps she had convinced herself that you had sent an inaccurate photo? Plenty of fish in the sea- keep trying!

The G-stringed Avenger · Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 4:42 am Post subject:

Man, Japanese chicks are WEIRD! I know, I've been in the dating game there and sadly, it really IS a game to them. Just games and very little action. I really do prefer western women - same way of thinking, same language, avoids all that complicated sh**.

cornishmuppet · Joined: 27 Mar 2004 Posts: 642 Location: Nagano, Japan

Net dating is such a bad idea. Although I have friends it has worked for its also been a nightmare for others. Wander into a bar, get a couple of drinks and see what happens. If nothing does, then you`ve not lost anything.

Good luck mate,

Chris

BradS · Joined: 05 Sep 2004 Posts: 173 Location: Tokyo, Japan

The G-stringed Avenger I agree completely though not about the language barrier. Most Japanese gals have a different mentality about dating. I think about 80% of the guys I've met here have found out their girlfriends are sleeping with several other guys at the same time but they don't consider it cheating. I've also found them to be remarkably shallow and superficial. I know there are some great gals here.... but they are few and far between.

I find the best Japanese girls are those that have lived abroad and traveled a lot. It's a good test when on a first date. [/quote]

lajzar · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Posts: 647 Location: Saitama-ken, Japan

Just to add to the misery, I am now getting emails from 16 year old schoolgirls from the far end of the country seeking marriage.

I think I may need to change the wording of my advert on that penpals site.

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

Zzonkmiles · Joined: 05 Apr 2003 Posts: 309

Ahhh, yes. Penpal sites and online dating in Japan...

If you are not White, there are a few steps you should take that will help you have a bit more success with this.

If you are looking for a J-woman to date and are browsing through the ads, learn to look for the clues in their ads that suggest they are open to meeting non-White foreigners. Usually these clues are the following words:

1. "open-minded"
2. "I like reggae, R&B, hip hop, rap" or mention some non-White musician or actor
3. "I want to meet people from all over the world/many countries"
4. "I don't care about your nationality"
5. "wuzzup" or any other urban slang included in their ad

If you are posting a message, you might wish to drop a hint in your message like "I hope race is not important to you" or "seeking open-minded friends only" or something along those lines. And there's nothing wrong with putting an age range in your message, such as "21-30" or something like that. If you say "age is not important," then you'll get e-mail from high school girls and 40-year old divorced women. You should also indicate in your message that you want to meet women who live near your town and women who are not interested in only a "merutomo" (e-mail friend) relationship, but rather women who want to meet in person. This may cut down on the messages you receive, but the quality of the leads you get will likely be higher. Oh, and if you mention that you can speak/read Japanese (or even better, if you write your ad in Japanese), that'll further increase your ad's popularity.

When they respond to your ad, you should send your picture to them immediately and ask them to do the same. This will prevent you from wasting each other's time. Obviously, if you send her your picture first and she doesn't respond, then move on. DO NOT waste your time by writing long e-mails to each other without exchanging pictures first.

By the way, if you are not White, I think it's important that you make sure you look clean, unthreatening, and friendly in the picture you send. While this advice should hold true for people of all races, I think there's more of an element of fear involved on behalf of J-women with respect to Black guys, for example, in that they think they're very aggressive. So while a J-woman may indeed be okay with the race thing, she's probably not going to want to keep in touch with a guy she doesn't feel comfortable with (even if it's sight unseen) if she gets a bad vibe from your picture.

While I do not know which race you are, I think there was a thread here a few months ago about online dating if you're Black. There were some good responses there, if I remember correctly. You may also wish to check out the "Young Dudes" site (search for it on Google). They talk about it there too from time to time. If you go to that site, you'll probably have to scroll through a few threads of locker room talk and posturing, but the threads on this subject do exist and have some useful and frank advice.

Good luck, and don't worry about those clowns who are bailing on you for such superficial reasons. It's their loss. At least she screened herself out for you, so you don't have to build a false friendship with her. So many other guys here don't pick up on this and don't realize that the J-woman who they think is "so into them" is really only into their skin color. I guess this holds true for non-White foreigners too, although I think they are more likely to dodge these kinds of superficial J-girls for the simple fact that they are not as "popular" as foreigners of the White variety.

Good luck.

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

I think Lovechild is back.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Guest of Japan--

Funny. I thought the same thing just a few words into the post. Here we go again...

d

The G-stringed Avenger · Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 1:39 pm Post subject:

chi-chi- · Joined: 17 Jul 2004 Posts: 194 Location: In la-la land

Make sure you use a rubber, and oh by the way, rubbers often break. (which is why they have a 20% failure rate.)
I am NOT trolling nor being facetious....since the Japanese have these behaviors and think that "only foreigners have HIV", the underground AIDS rate must be staggering.
Be careful.
Chi
P.S. For those of you who think I am trolling, I watched a man die of AIDS so nope, I am being dead serious.

BradS · Joined: 05 Sep 2004 Posts: 173 Location: Tokyo, Japan

Actually AIDS is rampant in Japan right now. I can't remember the numbers but it is very frightening. There's no public discussion concerning the desease. No tv commercials or high school education... Be very careful.