Job Discussion Forums

[angstrom]

I have been invited to a couple Japanese parties and it seems that whenever you ask them what to bring, they matter-of-factly tell you that instead of bringing a gift, you will need to chip in. While I understand that I am after all in a foreign country and do have to go along with their customs, I really don't find this custom very reasonable or very hospitable. For one thing, you could be expected to pay a large sum of money, which you may not have. If it's an especially fancy affair with delicacies and fancy wines, you could be expected to pay up to 10,000 yen. As polite and inviting as the Japanese are, I am very disappointed with this particular custom, as it just makes you feel like you're just a customer in a restaurant. Has this happened to anyone else?

[azarashi sushi]

[bshabu]

I agree with azarashi sushi. Most parties at this time of the year are "Bonenkai". Or "Forget the Year Parties". They are held at nice establishments where there is a set course with an all you can drink service. I have been here for 6 years and have been to more then I can count between work and different friends. The average you will pay (in my experience) will be 4000-5000 yen. Japanese parties are rarely potluck because most parties are at restaurants or bars.

As azarashi sushi said, where are they? What kind of parties? I don�t think it7s unreasonable to �chip in� either.

[TokyoLiz]

Angstrom,

All kinds of organizations have big parties, be they parties to celebrate annual events or personal events (birthdays, retirements, etc), guests pay the person who organizes the event.

If you have a lavish party at home or a barbeque in the park, it's quite alright to ask your guests to pitch in a few hundred yen. If your host takes you by car and s/he pays road tolls, it's usually the case that, at the end, the guests pitch in for gas/toll money.

The way I see it, it's part of the group dynamic to pay a share of the costs for events, parties, etc, so that no one person is burdened with all the costs.

Most birthday parties, enkais, etc that I've attended cost about Y3000-5000, and I just consider it part of my fun money for the month and budget for it. Bonenkai and weddings cost more, and you have to think of it as a gift to yourself and your companions and friends.

Keep in mind that, in order to keep up appearances, Japanese people will skimp on some things (miss meals, go without luxuries) in order to keep some money back for drinking parties with friends, expensive party clothes and the like so that they can be with their friends in a happy, harmonious environment. It's a matter of perception of priorities, IMO.

[spidey]

When in Rome.....Huh!? You want me to pay how much!?

I had a situation where my Japanese colleagues were out at a party that I was unable to attend. At about 10:30 that night I got a call from them practically begging for me to meet them for late night drinks. After a lot of humming and hawing I finally gave in. I arrived at the drinking place(4000yen later/taxi fare) at about 11:30. I had ONE drink and then everyone started going home about 45min after I arrived. I was then asked to pay 5000yen as a contribution for the evenings festivities. I protested and said that you guys have been here for 3 or more hours and have been drinking your faces off. I had one drink and have only been here 45min. but you want me to pay the same amount as everyone else? What the fu#%!! I ended up paying the amount and quickly told them that this would be the last time that I would be [b]persuaded[/b] to come out. What a complete waste of 13000yen.

I guess I should have saw it coming.

S

[Nismo]

Company parties and weddings - chipping in is customary.

Amongst friends, even, we all just chip in cash, make a large pool of money, and go buy goods. This is what my circle of friends has always done in America. That is what we did in Japan as well.

[Big John Stud]

I've also been to more Bonenkai parties than I can count. I have been working in Japan for severial years. The food has always been very good and yes all you can drink within a certian time limit. I think paying 4,000 to 6,000 yen is fair because who else is going to dish out all that money. I have never had to pay more than 6,000 yen. The party is a good time to socialize because during the school year we are all busy.
The only thing I don't like is the long speeches before we start drinking and eating.

[azarashi sushi]

[Big John Stud]

This thread jinx me! I was told about the end of the year school party. It is going to cost 8,000yen. Now my company will pay me back for it but that will be in my Janauary salary. I am going on a vacation and so need to save up money. Besides I think paying 8,000 for a dinner is just not right!

[Mike L.]

[Glenski]

I don't know who you people fraternize with. None of that has happened to me in the more than 6 years of living in Japan.

I don't drink alcohol, and I often pitch in equal amounts when going out with friends. On some occasions, when the bill is excessively high due to their alcohol costs, they brush off my attempts to pay equally and give me a token payment to make.

Bonenkais are company run, and sometimes I have not even been asked to pay to attend. Sometimes I have been asked to buy a 500 yen gift to be doled out in a lottery along with everyone else.

When asked to come to someone's home for dinner, I have NEVER been asked to bring or pay anything. I always bring a gift nevertheless, but to pay to attend someone's home party is silly.

If I was in spidey's situation, I would have been equally livid, tossed a thousand yen on the bar and made my statement before leaving in a huff.

[denise]

I haven't been in such a situation either--possibly because, due to the weird office politics at my school, those of us working in my program get snubbed! For our own departmental parties, the school pays for the food, and our director has been generous enough to pay for the booze.

I have been asked to chip in for private house parties, and I have no problem doing so, because I know what a pain in the butt it can be to host them. I don't think I could bring myself to ask people to pitch in for the parties that I host, but it'd be unnecessary anyway because most people bring a bottle of wine or something else to contribute.

d

[Celeste]

As a married woman, I can often beg off early from the office parties before they get too expensive. For most of the parties, the fee is paid out of the office social fund (we have a few thousand yen deducted from our paycheques each month). I attend these, but I probably don't drink my money's worth. There are other parties that are not included in this fund (retirement parties etc.) and whether or not I go to these depends on 2 things. First, how well do I know the guest of honour (ie. Do I even know his/ her name?) second, how much is it goign to cost? If it is over 5000 yen I generally decline.

[Gordon]

The bonenkais at work are "free", they just take 1,000 yen/month out of our paycheques. I can't stand them as they are drink fests and glutton competitions. When the karaoke starts, I quietly slip out the back door.
We don't really have much choice about attending, it is quite a snub if we don't show up.

[Willy_In_Japan]

Spidey, Ya that SUCKS big time.

"In for a penny, in for a pound".......I think you were set up.

I hate socializing in Japan because lets face it......5000 yen is most of what I earn in a day, and frankly, its too much. You can't just have a beer, and pay 500 yen and say, see ya next time!

You may as well drink and eat as much as you can at these stupid things.

I just avoid going out in groups whenever possible.