Job Discussion Forums

[JZer]

[JZer]

[AndyH]

Thanks JZer, LA Galaxy, Johanne, Brooks, Sweetsie, and everyone else! Yes, she will definitely get homesick! Being realistic, the best I can do for her on that is to visit Japan for short vacations once a year. I've asked her what types of things she thinks she'll miss the most, and after her family, she says she'll miss Japanese food the most. A rice cooker will be a necessity, but natto and miso soup will be more difficult to acquire!
We'll be going to Guatemala next fall, after my current teaching contract has been fulfilled.
I appreciate the feedback!

[Munchen]

Just to toss something in, I knew a young Japanese lady who lived here in the DC area for years. We took the same bus to work from VA to the Pentagon. She had a job with MCI which was close by the Pentagon. We never dated but the entire time she was here, she never really seemed "with it" here in the US. Her English was very limited AND she made trips back to Japan EVERY year for an entire month, usually around June. She would always say before she went on one of her trips, "I'm so happy."
As in so happy to be returning to Japan to visit.

I always tried to discuss Japanese things with her, gave her Internet articles from "Get Hiroshima" as that's where she came from. She greatly appreciated that.
She even had an AA degree from George Mason University.

After about ten years, she lost her job with MCI with the WorldCom debacle. After that, she worked for a brief time selling furniture, going a huge distance to work via metro to Maryland. I could sense she was never really happy doing that, although she would say the job is fine.

After about six months, she just vanished and I learned through a mutual acquaintance that she returned to Japan permanently at age 35 plus!! That certainly would not be easy.
I never knew anything about her previous life before MCI, why she stayed here or anything. Perhaps she may have had a marriage or relationship that broke up.
I know it is said we are always outsiders there in Japan, i.e., gaijin, but I think the reverse can be true as in this case.

I would see such a relationship in bringing your wife to the USA, Canada or most English speaking countries, but to Latin America, maybe a place like Buenos Aires, but Guatemala? I don't know. At least you have the connections there, but my assumption is she will want to return to Japan to visit at various points. Depends on the person and maybe you're fortunate. I hope so.

Anyway, thought I'd throw this in from my own experience and, of course, everyone is different!

I hope it works out well for you. Gambatte!

[johanne]

When I said I didn't want to live there indefinately I was referring to a very long term idea - meaning I didn't want to live there in retirement. I think a couple of people have read too much into it. While my daughter is growing up I have no problems living there, however once she's on her own I think I might want to come back to Canada. I don't think this is a big problem. My husband also thinks he might want to come back to Canada. We also talk about living in a third country or several third countries for the experience. We'll figure it out. I don't think that because you are in an international marriage that you have to live in the other person's country forever. You can figure it out as you go along, usually putting your child's needs first. Personally I think if the family unit is strong the child will prosper where ever the family lives.

[osakajojo]

whatever you do just don't leave her behind! If she doesn't want to go than you shouldn't go.

[campestre]

find other japanese, theyre there in central america, I know nurses and teachers who have or are planning to go to central america.
I have a friend who went to Mexico with his mother he wanted to start a new life as that was his dream, he works long hours but his status has changed. He works for a car parts manufacter.
Depends where you are.

[AndyH]

Good point, Campestre! I definitely want my girlfriend/soon-to-be-wife to meet other Japanese. There aren't a whole lot in Guatemala, but there are some.
I had a half-Japanese girlfriend in El Salvador when I was there.
She is planning to visit Guatemala with her mom this summer, a few months before we move there, to get a feel for the place.

[Brooks]

Andy,
do you know of any Japanese companies that are in Portland, Oregon?
My wife is going to go to translation school and the plan is to move to the US at some point and she would try to get a job at a Japanese company.

[AndyH]

I don't know of any specific companies, Brooks, but I'm sure there are. Portland's sister city is Sapporo, and you might want to check through them. At least it's worth a shot!
The economic situation was pretty bad when I left Portland for Asia almost three years ago, but I hope it has improved. Oregon is a nice place to live. Good luck!

[pnksweater]

While it's certain that your spouse will at sometime get homesick, sometimes they can also get homesick when removed from their "new home". One of my good friends in Tokyo is married to a Japanese woman. They met and lived in London for many years before moving back to Japan. Surprisingly it is the foreign spouse who is enjoying Tokyo and the Japanese spouse who misses London greatly and wants to move back. Her reason? She misses her friends and the life she used to have there. Granted, she's not from the Tokyo region originally. Her family is in Kyoto. But it just goes to show that people can get attached to new homes as well.

I faced a similar situation with my husband. He has an American passport but a German one as well and was raised abroad in South East Asia. When I first met him he stated flat out that he wasn't American and felt no desire to be connected with the country. Shortly after getting married we moved to Japan with plans to move on to Indonesia (one of the countries my husband grew up in) later when things stabalized. To my surprize my husband now gives our University town as his "home town" and has really gotten attached to the idea of returning in another year, buying the record shop he used to work at, and "settling down". Go figure.

By all means take good care of your wife but don't be surprised if she's not as desperate to return home as you thought.

[Zzonkmiles]

As someone who may also be entering this situation sometime in the fairly near future, I too am reading this thread with great interest. I'm pleased with how it's stayed on topic and how almost all of the posts have been really useful and well-thought out.

The one thing I'd add is to make sure her friends and family have a headset and microphone. And then buy one for yourself too. You can use that to chat over MSN Messenger or Yahoo Messenger and it's free! So you can hear each other's voices, not have to worry about busy signals, and you have the advantage of being able to talk and type at the same time. Oh, and did I mention that it's free, unlike international phone calls?

[tokyorabbit]

Good luck.

[AndyH]

Thanks, Tokyorabbit and Zzonkmiles! The MSN/Yahoo messenger sounds like a great idea, even though I haven't really made it a habit to use it myself. As to Tokyorabbit's advice about her having a burning desire to live in Latin America, I would say her desire is more to travel and live abroad, rather than live specifically in Latin America. Initially, we will be in Guatemala for a year, then return to Japan for a year. After we've settled in Guatemala permanently, we definitely plan on visiting Japan once a year. We should be able to afford it, unless we go to other places (like Europe) instead. I am very aware of the fact that I'm asking her to move away from her friends, job, and family (like I did when I came to Japan), and don't take it for granted. I really appreciate your suggestions and advice!

[LA Galaxy]

Everyone will get homesick, the trick is to let your spouse know that she will return to visit as much as possible. My wife came to the states knowing that we would live permanently. Actually before we got engaged she knew of my long term plans to go back. My wife might be in a different situation as others because she lived and graduated from a college in the states. She is familiar with life here, but she still wants to see her parents. We are going back for 3-4 weeks this summer. We also have an open door policy as her parents can visit us anytime. I might tell my wife about the camera and microphone gadgets for our computer as well.