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31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

I have decided to add a problem page thread to the forum and am sure there would be some great advice to some real life Turkey related problems from a UK perspective:

Well when I was seventeen, I used to go to my local club, (naughty I know.) Anyway there was a kebab van outside the club which we always brought my burgers from after a hard nights dancing. Thus we got to know the people who worked and ran it. After a little while I got to know one particular chap who actuaklly went out with my friend ( I should have seen the warning signs then.) But things didn't work between them and there was no hard feelings between any of us. In July 1998 we decided to start seeing each other. Things were wonderful I was whisked off my feet, Lovely texts a good looking bloke. It was all very romantic. We spent days and nights on the Portsmouth sea front just mucking around.

Then he asked if we could get married because of his family in Turkey, I understood and did my best to learn all I could about his culture. I was very much expecting it to be tea-towels on head ('scuse the expression that's what everyone used to say to me.) and cover up head to toe and walk behind. But of course it wasn't!

In November 1997 we got engaged, had a party got dressed up and it was lovely. We had planned to get married in the following April.

Things carried on being wonderful. Before I knew it we had a house a new bed and new furniture admitedly we lived with his brother and his girlfriend but they soon moved out. We mad regular trips to Haringay London and each time I'd come back with more gold, earrings, or bangles. We'd stay with his niece in London who was an angel so wonderful and welcoming. At first I found it hard to understand her ways, she'd never sit down always cleaning. She came to our house once and moved around all my cupboards, I hated this but soon we understood each other and with the help of a dictionary we'd talk. I was living in a dream it was a perfect relationship!

On 1st April 1999 we got married ( yet again another sign I fear.) We didn't have a honey moon as all his paperwork was at the home office. Things carried on great, he got his year extended by 2000 and by the end of 2001 things started to go wrong. I had a miscarriage which broke my heart, He freaked asked me to get an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. I think in hein sight I blamed him for the miscarriage, as he wished it had been dead.

Things really turned nasty my family didn't want to speak to him anymore not cos of his culture but because of the way he suddenly changed. I was alone, he stopped coming home, got into drugs.

I helped him to get a taxi licence it was supposed to be for us both as he hated working in kebab shops. There he must have met his mistress. I knew he was having an affair but kept asking him he kept denying it. Then up came his Leave to remain interview I had to say we were happy and would stay together, I must admit I was in two minds at this stage but went ahead thinking this was just a bad patch all marriages had them surely. I was 19 at this time still so young. I left in march 2002 just before our wedding anniversary but by our anniversay came by he was asking me to go back.

What would you do?

Hector_Lector · Joined: 20 Apr 2004 Posts: 548

To quote a much over-used clich� (re London bombings), �my heart goes out to you�, Thorn Yeti. Now I see why you are so bitter and twisted. the love of your life let you down, but oh! So cruelly!

Molly, have pity on this poor unfortunate!

What would I do?

Go to Istanbul, get a crap job and spend my life writing stupid messages on the forum.

And now Thorn Yeti will answer -

Troll alert!

sandyhoney2 · Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Posts: 189

Get out. Run as far and as fast from this loser as you can. You deserve better. Do it completely and totally - not half-assed. You will and can live without him and there are others who won't treat you like c.rap.

There's some crazy talk-show host that says "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour", and though I do have some issues with this, it seems as though this guy has had more than one strike against him.

If this is your true experience, I know you are strong enough and have the bollocks to do what is right for you.

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

Hector_Lector · Joined: 20 Apr 2004 Posts: 548

Anagram of �thirty one�.

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

Troll Alert

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

that's quite clever actually. I like it.
Thorn yeti, why was your op through the eyes of a woman?

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

I and a select few know of a Turkish man horror story forum where victims can tell their story and get advice and comfort. My OP was just one of them.

We have all been at the TEFL house parties where large female teflers talk about their TEFL angst with local men. I was in Marmaris and I was swimming and Levent swam up to me and said hello. I didn`t want to talk to him coz I was still well angry with guys after Ahmet. That evening I was having a drink (she was well p issed) and Levent sent a s ex on the beach over to me and we got talking and well we hit it off there and then.(They s hagged that night) Oh sorry to cut in but

What does Levent do for a living?
He is an engineer.
Oh that is great. What university did he go to?
Well he didn`t go to university, uh he uh has always worked.
Good for him. He went to a technical college then?
Well he learned it from his uncle who has a boat.
Oh so what was he doing in Marmaris?
He was working in a bar.
I thought he was an engineer.
He is but you know it is not about the money is it?

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

It is amazing the amount of engineers there are in Turkey. I know someone who describes herself as a food engineer. She is currently a secretary

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

It is amazing how many people here give themselves such titles. First day of new elementary class-doing a getting to know you exercise whilst trying to work out which girl you would most like to shag. Names and jobs-Arzu is 17 and a grafiker-writing on the board graphic designer? Graphic designer with no qualifications or experience? Trainee-no. Of course there are no secretaries, insurers, economists, yes.

A friend of mine was married to a food engineer who worked for Eti. He got a free trip to their factory in Eskisehir but that didn`t make up for her sleeping with her ex.

How many Eti brovnie would it take I wonder?

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

No. Turks just love to make themselves out to be more than they really are.

Usta is another one. ''Usta iki bira cek.'' Like you need to be an usta to pour pints.

Same with sehit. 2 privates have an accident in their jeep because they are crap drivers but oh no they are not killed-sehit olmus.

DMB: Do you remember Ekrem Efendi who was the gofer at EF Kadikoy. He was this old boy who was always called Ekrem Efendi. Whenever you needed him he wasn`t there and you would be told ''bir yere gitmis.''

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

No I wasnt in the Kadikoy branch too often, but i remember the 'gofers' at Pendik and Mecidiyekoy. They are great and language schools cant survive without them.

whynotme · Joined: 07 Nov 2004 Posts: 728 Location: istanbul

31 · Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 1797

I don`t think there is a mixup between those 2 words.

No I don`t understand about being a sehit. Like you said about people burning the flag-it is holy and I think it is very hard for W Europeans to really understand why a sehit is a sehit and why Turks feel the way they feel about the flag.