Job Discussion Forums

[matador]

I have heard that so many people get depressed after leaving Japan because they had it so good. Then when they go home they are just an average Joe on mainstreet with a boring job and average money.

How do you overcome this depression....

[sonician]

Hey,

I don't have experience with Japan (yet.. going in October with Nova), but I was in Peru for 6 months back in 1998. When I returned to Canada, I had a very hard time getting back to what's "normal" here.

It's fun for a bit cause everyone wants to hear your stories, and see your pictures. But after the initial rush, it's hard.. you return to a regular job, and a "regular" life.

The best situation is to have supportive friends and family around, ones who will listen to the same stories many times over, and for years to come

I found that it took almost a year to re-adjust fully, but it was also my first time abroad.

Hope this helps in some way.

[Thruster666]

When I went to Japan, there was countless advice and warnings about having culture shock about living in Japan. But I found the reverse culture shock of returning to the US a much more profound experience.

After a few years of living in Japan and being displeased about a variety of things such as cigarette litter, bozozoku, bank hours, engines running while shopping etc.. I realized after returning to the US that these are relatively minor annoyances.

As much as you see Japanese taxi drivers sleeping in their taxis w/ the air conditioner on, here in the US you'll see apx. half of the vehicles on the roads are extremely large SUVs and trucks. These giant gas guzzling monstrosities avg. about 8-10 mpg, not to mention that they are impossible to see around if you're in a regular size car trying to see if cross traffic is coming. Also these giant behemoths alter the driving habits of their drivers. They feel invicible in these things and almost always tailgate smaller cars and swerve in out of lanes because of all the horsepower that these waste -tanks have. Americans have no qualms about producing 1/4 of the worlds pollution or even attempting to recycle.

As much as separating garbage in Japan was a pain-in-the-ass, it was for good purposes. We over here throw paper, plastic, food, batteries, animals, and glass into one big bag to be buried in our quickly growing dumps. We can recycle here, but I have to drive about 5 miles to the recyling station and it's usually closed when I get off of work. Hardly anyone I know recyles here.

Another depressant are the people themselves. There's no sense of shame here in the US as there is in Japan, so you see people acting like imbiciles everywhere in public. It's not uncommon to see guys in their 30's and 40's with their baseball caps on backwards throwing shit out the window of their 4-wheel drive monster trucks while peeling out and yelling profanities at people nearby. Not to mention the countless fights I've seen when more than 2 or 3 Americans get together - for any occassion. Forget about trying to have a Japanese style matsuri without a hundred cops bashing heads in order to keep the peace.

There are countless things I can mumble mumble about, but to answer the question as to what to do about your blues, here are a couple of things I can recommend.

(1) If you really enjoyed Japanese people - surround yourself with them.
There are pleny of Japanese ex-pats living here in the US, esp. California & NYC, and hook up with them.
(2) Take a Japanese person home with you and show her/him to all of your friends and family.
(3) Travel incessantly! Within the US, and even better, outside the US. This always helps keep things in perspective.
(4) Go back to Japan!

PS. Don't talk to your homeland friends about Japan toooo much. Talking about J-Land is cool sometimes but don't overdo it - cuz if you do your friends won't be your friends no more.

[M.K.]

I get depressed even just coming back from a vacation! There's all this buildup and preparation, then you have these amazing experiences while you're there (amazing can encompass both good and bad), then you return "home" and it's fun at first to show your pictures and tell your stories. But really quickly you'll figure out your friends are sick of hearing "when I was in (insert country here)..." It is a big letdown when you're in that state of feeling like there's nothing to anticipate anymore. I find the blues wear off after several days, but granted I've nnever lived away from home for more than a couple weeks. When I leave for my first teaching job next month (YES, I am a newbie), I'm sure I'll experience the whole range of emotions. Kind of seems like it will be a thrilling roller-coaster though if you ask me. The way I see it, the "ups" aren't really ups unless you also have the "downs".

[Celeste]

Re-entry shock is normal. Some good ways to deal with it involve not relying on your old friends to much. Your old friends expect you to be exactly the same as when you left. Having lived for a year or more in another country, you will be profoundly different. I'm not saying ditch your old friends, but it is a good time to try a new hobby or join a new club so you can meet people who will accept the new you more readily.

[tjpnz2000]

Last year I went on vacation to London after about 1 year in Japan. I met up with a 2 friends (a couple) who I had met in Japan and were now living in London after about a year.

I said ``Guys I have lost all my social skills! I can't make small talk in English anymore! All I say is `This is sooo different from Japan, in Japan we....` and nobody seems that interested after teh first 5 minuets``

Thier response was `Thank GOD! We thought it was just US!`

My advice would be to find and interest or hobby so that you don't constantly talk about Japan.

T

[Guest]

After leaving Japan everything back home seems so average. Several months on I still feel like I'd rather be in Japan. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself saying in Japan this... Japan that.... because friends tire of it, but I can't just pretend that it didn't happen. New hobbies and friends are definitely a good idea and stop you from becoming what might be seen as Japan obsessed. Above all the worst thing you can do is stagnate when you get home and realise you have no job, have lost contact with friends and the ones you kept in touch with you don't feel like you know any more. Use your momentum either to move on somewhere new or else move on in your life.

[sonician]

Heh.. having lived in Peru, Boston, western Canada and Ottawa, I've done this very thing each time I return home.. I still do it sometimes, and it always upsets the people I'm with.. I wish they could understand sometimes..

[Wolf]

When I left Japan, I didn't go home. So, even though I always end up talking about Japan, at least it appears kind of "normal," as I teach EFL in China, and if I didn't have any experience in Japan, I would often have to talk about my "motherland" in the same way anyway.

You know that really brief period where everyone wants to know about "over there" before losing interest? Some of my friends + family back home have gotten past it already. I haven't even gone home yet - nor plan to anytime soon. If I tell them about Japan (or China more recently) over the phone, they tune out. That's right. Tune out. After 2 minutes. Okay, not everyone, but a few people.

This is likely one reason why EFL has so many "repeaters." I'd like to go back to Japan myself one day ....

I agree, living in Japan one can focus on the less than stellar. But then go away, and you see things in a different way - esp if you end up putting up with more BS in your life.

[matador]

Yeah, Japan is not the greatest country in the world. But once you have worked in 2 or 3 other countries by comparison, Japan IS very cool. Somehow the 'why don't they say what they mean/always so polite' thing would be a lot better than the rude, aggressive behavior that you can find in other parts of the world...

[TokyoLiz]

I stayed in Vancouver for two years, working, hanging with friends, travelling

I don't know when I'll go home again. There's so much to do elsewhere, and home is always there!

[matty]

I returned a year agao to Australia, and I can say that it has taken almost a year to feel human again.

Some things will never change though. I really prefer most of the day to day things in Japan to anything offered in Australia. I see an Aussie pub going off and I'd rather die than go in. Show me an Osaka bar and just try to keep me out. Socially I just don't like it here.

However I do like my quiet life near the beach, and the weather is much nicer. Loved winter in osaka, but don't miss that stinker of a summer.

The major kicker that made life more enjoyable back here is that I have a Japanese girlfriend, who is not far off becoming my fiance. The best piece of advise I can give, is (as much as possible) find the positives in where you live, then find all the things you had in japan. Seek out a great Japanese restaurant and go there. Make Japanese friends, and set yourself up so you can go back and visit during your holidays.

You will feel depressed, and feel like jumping on a plane everyday back to the good life. That may be the best thing to do, but with a bit of customizing a good life can be had back home to.

Ps. Still have trouble finding any skerrick of interest to make other Aussie friends other than the ones I have known for years. Just dont want to talk to them. Prob makes me a tosser.

[tjpnz2000]

I think part of it is comming back before you are ready.

There are a lot of people in New Zealand that do nothing but moan about how much better London compared to anything in New Zealand.

To them and anyone who thinks that same way after returning from Japan I say go back to where you were happy. I don't mean this in a nasty way but life is short and you should be in the place that makes you happiest.

If you are stuck for whatever reason then you have to try and change the direction of your life. Look forward not back. I had a great time in university, but I don't constantly think `Man, I wish I was back in university, those times were the greatest sucks`. I don't think I will be thinking the same when I leave Japan.

T

[Glenski]

Reverse culture shock is often unanticipated. People can be just as shocked even after staying abroad a single year. There are ways to prepare yourself for it, just as there are ways of preparing for the original culture shock of landing in the foreign land.

1. Remember that the world back home continued on while you were in that foreign land. People get older. They continued to work, meet friends & family, go to school, have babies, get married, etc. Your absence was just a small one compared to their lives. You probably spent only a few moments in contact with most of them anyway.

2. While people you knew had their own lives, so did people you didn't know. Like TV. You are going to lose some slang and catch phrases from commercials and movies and regular programs just because you didn't see them. Same thing for news events. People will talk about things that you won't even have heard of.

3. As others have mentioned, when you get back, your friends and family will be eager to learn about your travels. However, as much as you might be hepped up to talk about your travel experiences for hours (or even weeks) on end, your friends & family will be tired of it much sooner. You will even get cold shoulders from some because you just can't stop mentioning things. Get over it. Fast. (Personally, I write a monthly newsletter, complete with photos, and send it to my friends & family, about 50 people in all. This not only helps this aspect of reverse culture shock, but it informs them ahead of my return and avoids the oh-so-general question: So, how was Japan?

There are a lot more things to consider. Check out the following book on reverse culture shock.
The Art of Coming Home, by Craig Stori http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1857882970/qid=1058338668/sr=2-3/ref=sr_2_3/104-8777994-8959923