Job Discussion Forums

[kev7161]

I wonder which is more important and will one lead to the other? If a student respects you as a professional teacher who has clear, easy-to-follow lessons that lets a student particpate to the best of their abilities, will they eventually grow to like you as a person? Does that matter to you as a teacher (I mean, whether or not your students like you)?

Or, is it more important to be a "cool" teacher with fun, hip lessons where your students can laugh and have a good time (but not necessarily "respect" you in the same manner that they may respect their Chinese teachers)?

Is there a middle ground? What will you do if/when some students try to take advantage of your "coolness"?

This was always a struggle with me when teaching the high school age for the last two years. Some students I had no problem with being "friends" with while, I think, having their respect. These students were obviously of a more mature level. Others, it was a constant struggle. Soon I'll be starting with little first graders. I've told my TA that there will be times when we will have fun (recess, PE, art, games) and there will be times when I fully expect the students to listen and try their best to accomplish whatever goals I've set for them. What I hate the most is "cute" little (Chinese) kids going crazy yet being gushed over with no sort of appropriate (for their age) discipline when they start to get out of control. On the other hand, I certainly don't want to be a tyrant and alienate my charges.

Would love to hear some feedback on this.

[nolefan]

I'll take respect, thank you very much!


I teach uni and it's always a struggle trying to keep that separation between friendship and respect. I have a group of students that I am friends with to some extent but I do have to remind them every so often that I'm still their teacher and they'd better get their act straight or else.......

The big issue is that, as far as I'm concerned, it's very difficult for them to separate the two. If you're friends, they expect to have your mobile number and be able to call at anytime... that's just not right in my book. I'm aware that they do it with some of the Chinese teachers and i'm fine with it but the last thing I want is one of my students calling me at midnight to say: "Hello, what are you doing?"

[tw]

In the classroom, I want them to respect me because as I always said, "I am the boss".

Outside the classroom, I don't mind engaging in social activities with the students, just so they see that I do have a "human" side.

In China, teachers follow the unwritten rule that teachers and students don't mingle. Teachers are teachers, students are students. There is a clear and distinct line between the two "classes". Students are expected to bow and greet teachers. Teachers are expected to respond by a mere "mmm!" That is why students liked me so much because I didn't care about this "attitude" thing. At the first school I taught at, teachers didn't wait in line to get their haircut or to order their food, and students actually felt there was nothing wrong with that. Imagine their surprise when I insisted on waiting in line like I would in the West.

[YankeeDoodleDandy]

With regatds to Aretha Franklin, I voted for respect. Many of my students have my cell phone number and I occassionally receive late calls or short messages asking for advice or encouragement ot both about TEN-4, ggrad school or a myriad of other questions. It is my belief that they fear most of their other teachers. What is up with that?

[Roger]

I cannot accept the notion that students must choose between the two - respect OR friendship, and I don't even believe they show genuine respect if ou do what THEY like you doing.

Chinese teachers do not separate the two either - they know they must be friends with their learners - so much so that in my mind their relationships border on the incestuous leading to ludicriously false examination results.

I think we shouldn't care too much about this dichotomy and get on in our job; in m childhood teachers got respect not because they did what we wanted them to do but because they got us to obey them in our own interest. Respect may come long after students have left school - some return to pay a visit to their teachers. The classroom is at best a battlefield in which teachers are perceived as the adversar, some better than others. Students don't really respect their teachers, least of all in a countr that regiments oung people's lives to such a horrible extent. Schools in China teach students to make believe in their obedience and submission - that's the greatest lesson the learn. All the rest, all those subjects, they onl pa lip service to them.

[go_ABs]

Roger: commiserations on having your 'y' crap out.

I teach children from grade 1 to 5. Because of the nature of the school - extra-curricular private - I was instructed to make the classes 'fun', so the kiddies would like it and the parents would continue to pay.

This leads naturally to an active and loud class, sometimes overly so. I thought about it and decided that the kids will never behave for me as they do for their Chinese teachers, simply because of the different nature of this school and my classes.

But I don't let them run riot. They still must obey me, listen respectfully to others, not kick run or spit, etc etc. Break those rules and watch me come down!

Given the choices in your poll, I went for 'both'. I have more fun with my students than Chinese teachers typically do, and they - understandably - don't respect me as a disciplinarian. I like to think I've found a workable balance between the classes running riot, and yelling and screaming all day to get them to sit down.

In reality, it probably leans more towards the riot side. And actually, I'm happy with that. I'd like to think that when I've left, the children will think back and remember that learning English was fun... and in the future they will want to learn more.

[Chris_Crossley]

I delineate firmly between being friends and being friendly with my students, and always have done.

When I taught at the Wuchang (Wuhan) experimental primary school between February 2004 and January 2005, I was always friendly with my young charges in Grades 3-5, not just because it was the professional thing to do, but because it was so "dangerous" to be friends with such youngsters. Having said that, I ensured that, right from the start, I did earn their respect, and this was the way it was.

For my entire year at the school, there was (nearly always) discipline in the class, helped in no small measure by my teaching assistants, and I made the lessons as interesting and fun as possible despite there being a syllabus to follow and a firm routine as to how to follow it to the letter. Towards the end of my time there, the headmistress was kind enough to say that she believed me to be #1 out of the eight FTs who taught at the school, partly because of good results and because of positive feedback from TAs and parents.

After that, I moved onto my present school, which deals with young adults only preparing to go to the UK and Oz to do degree study there. Again, I am friendly with my students, but not friends with them, even though they are all over 20. Nevertheless, whenever they want to talk to me outside the classroom, they will always find me to be very approachable and willing to help them. I even sometimes engage in small talk with them, including about myself and my Chinese family. The latter subject always seems to fascinate them!

Since it is coming up to the new academic year, I will meet a new bunch of people who will spend the next year preparing for their overseas study. The same "rules" will apply, and I see no reason to act any differently.

On the mobile phone front, some of the (now ex-)students have my mobile phone number and I have theirs, although it is interesting to note that I have never received any calls from any of them at any time, whether it was term-time or afterwards! I'll be seeing them again one more time for their special awards ceremony, which should be taking place round about the first week of September, though. No doubt more than a few of them will want me to pose with them for photos - as students tend to want to do with their professors!

[Midlothian Mapleheart]

Edited to remove offensive content.

Middy

[Mideatoo]

A fiend will respect you. Think!

[Chris_Crossley]

[Mideatoo]

[Have a good laugh it's on me..]

[Chris_Crossley]

[stillnosheep]

Surely not. It wouldn't be worse it...

[bubblebubble]

i am friendly to my students. i want them to learn english in a happy way. i don't want to put up this 'hey, i'm the teacher listen to me' attitude. well, my students still respect me and listen to me... but most of all, they treat me as a friend. they talk to me about their problems and ask me for help. i'm invited to their parties and we sometimes have lunch together. the old days are SO over.... no more stern and old teachers with dark glasses who put their hair in a bun. my students call me by my first name.

friends are respected.

[shatov]

Friendship is all fine and good, but respect has to come first. Without it there is little chance of there being any order in your classroom.

Hopefully we are all doing our socialising outside of the school, and so are not short of friends. We don't have to rely on the students to be our social support network as well. If the teacher isn't friends with the students, it shouldn't matter. But the teacher should always have the respect of the students.

I'd say that friendship is a nice extra.