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mci
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
Posts: 56
Location: Oman
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 Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 5:30 am Post subject: the cautious truth about single life in the UAE |
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Well, sarcasm and flippant remarks have been unsuccessful so in order to avoid further sanctions from the authorities, I would like to have a final say about social life in the UAE which is intended to inform new hires about life over here, particularly the OP who would like to know...
BTW, it is important to know that I have many very good friends in Oman and the UAE who are Emirati, Omani and certainly arabic through and through. Comments which group these men together with the lecherous sorts who do look western women up and down and probably hope in their heart of hearts that they have a chance to 'score' are offensive to them and it is only right to point that out.
Some other stereotypes we should try not to support:
Canadians live in igloos, Americans are boorish and fat, Britons all have bad teeth and binge drink most nights of the week, Japanese eat whales for breakfast, Australians secretly introduced the cane toad to distract the world from their real national tragedy - sunstroke, Germans are hyper-efficient, the Swiss hide Nazi loot and the Tongans don't use knives and forks.
In the spirit of informative discourse and in defence of those victims of our innate ability to lump people together, I respectfully submit this post in the hopes that it will insult no one in particular, certainly not in the same manner that my friends have been - especially the one who, having read the earlier comments, heaved a sigh and lamented about the sterotypical western attitude of superiority towards the arab world.
In summation, I'll repeat what was posted earlier - single women : keep your wits about you and be aware that some of the Emirati men have little idea about our own social customs and have been led to believe that western, caucasian women are always available - this is especially true in rural areas. However, don't let that dissuade you from engaging and interacting with your hosts - there are many opportunities to do so.
mci |
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younggeorge
Joined: 15 Apr 2005
Posts: 350
Location: UAE
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| Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:07 am Post subject: |
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| Well said, mci. May I just add to your list of mistaken stereotypes: all Russian women in the UAE are "on the game". My Russian and Bulgarian friends heave the same kind of sigh as your Arab friend at all the jokes and assumptions about their compatriots. |
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megs
Joined: 13 Jan 2003
Posts: 37
Location: Dubai, UAE
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| Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Just to add my 2 cents... I have lived in the UAE for a little over a year now and have not yet had any 'problems' with the Emirati men. Come to think of it, neither have my friends/colleagues. The men have been nothing but respectful and gracious to us, without implyng that they want something 'extra'. There have been a few occasions when men from other countries have made us feel very uncomfortable with their stares and comments, but that is as far as it went - no grabbing or touching. I'm sure things can and do happen here, but my experience has been very positive thus far. |
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veiledsentiments
Joined: 20 Feb 2003
Posts: 17644
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 4:55 pm Post subject: Re: the cautious truth about single life in the UAE |
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| mci wrote: |
| In summation, I'll repeat what was posted earlier - single women : keep your wits about you and be aware that some of the Emirati men have little idea about our own social customs and have been led to believe that western, caucasian women are always available - this is especially true in rural areas. However, don't let that dissuade you from engaging and interacting with your hosts - there are many opportunities to do so. |
Perhaps if you had avoided being flippant and sarcastic and just posted an informative paragraph like this (rather than direct personal insults against me... rather extreme generalizations as I recall...) before they were deleted. First of all, at no time have I ever suggested that all Arab men are leches - that would be a stereotype. If you had read my posts, you would have found that I am the one who has repeatedly praised the behavior of her male students while so many on here claim that they are all lazy and sleep through classes. The majority of them are pleasant and respectful in your classroom, university, and in most social settings. The problem lies in the public sphere.
The odd thing about the Gulf is what while there is a wonderful sense of freedom for the Western female who is not Muslim - because of the safety - there can be an uncomfortable amount of 'attention.' It is wonderful to be able to take a walk at almost any time of the day or evening and never worry. Coming from urban US, it was nice to be able to park my car in a parking lot and never have to look around to make sure there was no one lurking with the intent of doing harm. The problems are more of the aggravating type. To give a couple of the extremes of good and bad behavior that one can encounter.
The least amount of problems occur in Oman. The majority of Omanis are Ibadhi Muslims who have a strong cultural tradition that it is improper to even look at a member of the opposite sex who is not in their family. Naturally with the introduction of sexually integrated universities and more women entering the workplace, this tradition has become loosened. But, its existance means that everyone attempts to act properly, and if you catch a couple of young men staring at you... they will become embarrassed at being caught. And the expat male workers follow the lead of the locals. A woman can comfortably shop in the souk of Muscat or Seeb - even in early afternoon and be almost the only woman there. One can walk in the afternoon and/or evening, and the only time someone might yell at you from the car is one of your students saying, "Hi Miss!!"
When I moved to the Emirates from Oman, I was shocked to find that it was more like Cairo than Muscat. It was common for local men to cruise alongside you as you walked... and often, even if you ignore them, they would yell out to you in English or Arabic - trying to pick you up. Friends walking on the Corniche told of men trying to make dates with them... while their wife and children were in the car. From the day the phone was connected I started getting calls from Arabic speaking men... trying to make dates. I finally went and bought an answering machine so that I could screen... they left me messages. This is not to suggest that I am 'special' - these were random calls and I'm sure that none of them had any idea who I was. My number was unlisted. Of course then there were those who would call just to listen to the message - sometime two or three times in a row. Often I just unplugged the phone.
Because the local men felt free to treat us with disrespect, so too did the expat workers. If you went to a shopping area... say walk down Electra Street to get a lamp repaired... every man on the street will feel free to leer and drool and openly stare every moment that you are in sight. It is particularly pleasant when the streets are a bit crowded... and you are nearly the only female there. At least they only look and never touch.
Is it dangerous? No... But it can be damn unpleasant. Does it happen every day? No... But way too often. This is a situation that became worse after the arrival of the Russian hookers. Yes YG, their fellow countrywomen not in the Biz are surely completely sick of having to deal with the 'stereotype.' Soon after the disappearance of the USSR, they added a whole new dimension to a visit to Dubai. Then started the hiss of men behind you whispering 'ruski? ruski?' - waiting to hear you say yes - because that meant the bargaining could begin.
From what I hear from my many women friends who still live there, things have little changed. Most of the time you just ignore it and move on, but the fact is that we all have to live and deal with the stereotypes of our own people behaving badly. Whether it is us Americans having to deal with that of being rich, loud and/or fat... the Russians with the actions of these traveling 'businesswomen'... or the Gulf Arab males with the fact that too many of them are on the prowl and do not treat Western women with the same respect that they do their own women - especially in public where many of them feel that respectable women should not be in the first place.
Considering the fact that I was well into my 40's when I hit the Emirates, I was old enough to understand that my main attraction was purely that I existed... not my pulchritude. I had no interest in the bar or dating scene. Arab men can be extremely pleasant on the eyes, and many of them are real charmers.  But, any Western woman best protect herself by knowing the cultural boundaries... (true in any country not her own, of course)
VS |
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mci
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
Posts: 56
Location: Oman
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| Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 6:56 am Post subject: deleted file |
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Perhaps it would be useful for the sanctioned posters to have access to their edited posts - it would give us a chance to defend the comment, or acknowledge a mistake - instead, we have only the remaining posts and new comments which can easily re-write our mini-episodes of history.
Regarding sarcasm or flippant remarks - I would like to suggest that every post in such spirit should be deleted - unfortunately, we would lose some humor, the chance for the ambitious poets out there to flex their pens ( or keyboards ) and some of the humanity which makes this forum entertaining and informative.
Of course, this post in neither sarcastic nor informative. In the hopes of adding some credibility in order to avoid deletion by the key-stroke police, I will offer this advice:
Cross at the crosswalk, don't talk to strangers and always finish your vegetables. ( with thanks to my dear mother )
mci
BTW thank you VS for adding the balanced impression of Emirati men which was missing earlier. |
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Bindair Dundat
Joined: 04 Feb 2003
Posts: 1123
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| Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:38 am Post subject: Re: deleted file |
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| mci wrote: |
Cross at the crosswalk... |
The crosswalk is often the worst place to cross. Who ever thought it was a good idea to put crosswalks at corners, where you have to deal with traffic coming from four directions at once? I think crossing in the middle of the block is much safer.
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| ...don't talk to strangers... |
But - at some point, everyone you know was a stranger...[/quote]
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| ... and always finish your vegetables. |
Hmmm... Let me think about that one for a while. |
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