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grief, remorse, shame, regret...advice?
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Sweetsee



Joined: 11 Jun 2004
Posts: 2302
Location: ) is everything
PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 10:47 pm    Post subject: grief, remorse, shame, regret...advice? Reply with quote
Suddenly realized that the only reason I never visited a dying friend
was because I could only think of myself.
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nomadder



Joined: 15 Feb 2003
Posts: 709
Location: Somewherebetweenhereandthere
PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 10:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Unfortunately it's all too common these days.
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newyorkbunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2005
Posts: 75
Location: Tottori
PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Use this as a springboard to change and realise there is more to life than just ourselves.

You have made a mistake you cannot change but it will only be worse if you do not learn from it.

If you are religious in any way, a visit to a good priest can also work wonders.
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chirp



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 148
PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Take the opportunity to reach out to all those you care about - don't wait until they are ill or until it is too late.

Start today and do it often.

It is always great to hear that someone cares about you.
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Bozo Yoroshiku



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 139
Location: the Chocolate Side of the Force
PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
chirp wrote:
Take the opportunity to reach out to all those you care about - don't wait until they are ill or until it is too late.
Start today and do it often.
It is always great to hear that someone cares about you.

Last time I visited Japan (last Christmas) I found out a friend had died a couple months previous. She'd died without ever knowing how much I cared for her. I came back to Korea and IMMEDIATELY told all my friends how important they were to me, before the chance to do so was taken from me. Chickened out of the love-confession part Embarassed , but that will come next month when she gets back from DisneyLand. Wink

All my bases are covered. There are no regrets now with those who are still in my life. Just those that have passed on are the ones I have to make peace with.


--boz
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angrysoba



Joined: 20 Jan 2006
Posts: 446
Location: Kansai, Japan
PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I met my friend last night who told me that when she was away in England, on a homestay, her grandfather died. Her parents told her not to bother coming back to Japan to meet her grandfather before he died or to come back for the funeral. Of course she feels sad about it but at least her last memory of her grandfather is of him being alive and healthy.

Anyway, as bad as it seems now it is probbly far better for you to feel the emotions you are now than to not. It shows you cared.
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Sweetsee



Joined: 11 Jun 2004
Posts: 2302
Location: ) is everything
PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Thanks Soba, appreciate that.

Ugh, ever been to a Japanese funeral?
Wasn't prepared for that.


Enjoy,
s
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abufletcher



Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 779
Location: Shikoku Japan (for now)
PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 4:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Sweetsee wrote:

Ugh, ever been to a Japanese funeral?
Wasn't prepared for that.


I've never been to one. What were you unprepared for?
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Big John Stud



Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 513
PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 5:07 am    Post subject: Re: grief, remorse, shame, regret...advice? Reply with quote
[quote="Sweetsee"]Suddenly realized that the only reason I never visited a dying friend
was because I could only think of myself.[/quote]

Just the fact that you realized this shows you are a very good person! We can't change what we have done in the past, we can only learn. Developing spiritually takes time. Don't worry you are on your way.

I've been reading a lot of the Dalai Lama's books. He makes a lot of since!
Doing for others brings happiness to oneself. This is so true!
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Sweetsee



Joined: 11 Jun 2004
Posts: 2302
Location: ) is everything
PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Sorry about the late reply Abu, been off here lately. But the thing that put me off about the funeral was the part where we were all ushered along to see the coffin into the elevator leading to the furnace. After, we were shown to a room where we were served refreshments. Afer that, and this I found totally out of order, we were ushered into yet another small room where our dearly departed friend's remains were displayed on a