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[Sweetsee]

Suddenly realized that the only reason I never visited a dying friend
was because I could only think of myself.

[nomadder]

Unfortunately it's all too common these days.

[newyorkbunny]

Use this as a springboard to change and realise there is more to life than just ourselves.

You have made a mistake you cannot change but it will only be worse if you do not learn from it.

If you are religious in any way, a visit to a good priest can also work wonders.

[chirp]

Take the opportunity to reach out to all those you care about - don't wait until they are ill or until it is too late.

Start today and do it often.

It is always great to hear that someone cares about you.

[Bozo Yoroshiku]

[angrysoba]

I met my friend last night who told me that when she was away in England, on a homestay, her grandfather died. Her parents told her not to bother coming back to Japan to meet her grandfather before he died or to come back for the funeral. Of course she feels sad about it but at least her last memory of her grandfather is of him being alive and healthy.

Anyway, as bad as it seems now it is probbly far better for you to feel the emotions you are now than to not. It shows you cared.

[Sweetsee]

Thanks Soba, appreciate that.

Ugh, ever been to a Japanese funeral?
Wasn't prepared for that.


Enjoy,
s

[abufletcher]

[Big John Stud]

[quote="Sweetsee"]Suddenly realized that the only reason I never visited a dying friend
was because I could only think of myself.[/quote]

Just the fact that you realized this shows you are a very good person! We can't change what we have done in the past, we can only learn. Developing spiritually takes time. Don't worry you are on your way.

I've been reading a lot of the Dalai Lama's books. He makes a lot of since!
Doing for others brings happiness to oneself. This is so true!

[Sweetsee]

Sorry about the late reply Abu, been off here lately. But the thing that put me off about the funeral was the part where we were all ushered along to see the coffin into the elevator leading to the furnace. After, we were shown to a room where we were served refreshments. Afer that, and this I found totally out of order, we were ushered into yet another small room where our dearly departed friend's remains were displayed on a table and some young bloke gave us a run-down of mate's parts as he shoveled them into an urn,(he went as far as to say that mate had a large build, which couldn't have been further from the truth) taking care to place the facial bones at the top. When he found that the remains exceeded the capacity of the urn, he first asked permission and then crushed them in to fit. His sheer matter-of factness and commentary reached the height of insensitivity. Oh yeah, everyone was made to line up and with over-sized chopsticks, pick out a piece and plop it into the urn. It was a bit like choosing something from a buffet, will never forget the horror I experienced as I tried to decide between which piece to select. Unlike my rapt counterparts, who all seemed to be acutely interested in this demonstration, I could not bear to watch and instead stared at the backs of the people in front of me. But the bone-crunching-grating sound of him compressing the remains forced me to look and see what the awful noise was. While there must be some significance here for Japanese, it was lost on us and we left utterly disgusted.

P.S. Thanks John, you are very kind. Many blessings!

[JimDunlop2]

Sweetsee: That is indeed my understanding of a standard Japanese funeral. I read a similar account to yours on Debito Arudo's website.

If I ever have to go to such an event, I will truly ensure it will be impossible for me to attend..... I don't deal well with things like that.

[Sweetsee]

Yes Jim, and all you others, do not make the same mistake I did. It is not necessary to attend the funeral, just say good-bye. I found it in very poor taste, befittingly so.

[PAULH]

[JimDunlop2]

Probably why my family has never believed in having a "viewing."

My family has always told me that they feel like it's perfectly morbid to do so and therefore it's not something commonly done in our clan...

Anyway..... On to more cheerful topics I say....

[Sweetsee]

Viewing is one thing, but the anatomy lesson and picking through charred remains is something else all together.