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Have you had at least one relationship (dating or more) with a Japanese person while living in Japan? |
Yes |
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77% |
[ 24 ] |
No |
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22% |
[ 7 ] |
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Total Votes : 31 |
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luckyloser700
Joined: 24 Mar 2006 Posts: 308 Location: Japan
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:37 am Post subject: The Opposite Sex in Japan |
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This forum has gotten a little boring lately so here goes:
What has been your experience with Japanese members of the opposite sex (or the same if that's the way you swing) while living in Japan? I'm not talking about friendships here; I'm talking about anything from dating to full-blown relationships. Lots of details would be much appreciated, but none of the sordid ones; don't want this thread locked before it gets started.
Be honest and don't be shy. Let's hear about some of the big problems with and some of the best things about having a relationship with a Japanese person. |
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Gordon

Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 9:35 am Post subject: |
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No. I vowed not to 8 years ago. |
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Hoser

Joined: 19 Mar 2005 Posts: 694 Location: Toronto, Canada
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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Having a girlfriend (a low maintenance one that is) is a pretty cheap way to get a pretty constant supply of sex. Not that I'm saying that's why you should get a girlfriend of course. But it sure beats having to spend craploads of money for drinks and club fees. |
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PAULH
Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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A Japanese wife becomes an eternal money pit, especially when you have kids.
Sex drops off considerably once kids come along too. |
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JaredW

Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 105 Location: teaching high school in Sacramento, CA, USA
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:17 pm Post subject: |
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PAULH wrote: |
A Japanese wife becomes an eternal money pit, especially when you have kids.
Sex drops off considerably once kids come along too. |
Really? I have two kids and a Japanese wife but the sex is still great and in great frequency. Note, my member is appealing also.  |
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madeira
Joined: 13 Jun 2004 Posts: 182 Location: Oppama
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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I married a Japanese person.
Before that, I dated lots of Japanese guys.
Best things? They speak Japanese and can tell you about the customs... they can read the signs at temples/etc. They can help with your Japanese language studies. I find them very attractive, too! (There's lots more, I'm being a bit flippant).
Problems? Not sure if they're specific to the Japanese. Expectations of housewifery that I cannot/will not fulfil. That's about it, but it's a pretty big 'it'. |
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Mamasita516
Joined: 05 Jul 2005 Posts: 56 Location: Kansas City, MO
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I haven't gotten there yet, but will be (hopefully) by the end of the summer. If Japanese guys express interest in me, I will happily date them!! I'm not expecting too much though...American guys don't even want to date me!! Plus from what I hear (and PLEASE correct me - tactfully - if I am wrong), it is normally Japanese women that are more open to interracial/intercultural dating. I, myself, am biracial and down for anything, so yeah...I'll get back to you if I do get a date! I've seen some serious J-hotties! |
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ripslyme

Joined: 29 Jan 2005 Posts: 481 Location: Japan
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:39 pm Post subject: |
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My experience with Japanese girls ranges from one-night stands to long-term (3 years and almost got engaged).
Almost always it was a "friend of a friend", even the one-nighters. I've met a few girls at clubs/bars. But that's not really my scene anyway. My love life has about the same level of activity as it did back home.
Just to toot my own horn a bit here, being an American-born Filipino (ABF), I feel proud of myself that I am doing so and don't have the Charisma Man card that I see alot of caucasians play. (I don't mean to call anyone out, I'm just saying...) Heck, being an ABF I'm actually starting off at a disadvantage given the general Japanese view of the rest of Asia. When meeting girls, I speak Japanese as best as I can. My Japanese level isn't all that high (I'll take 2-kyu this year), so sometimes I'll have to try to explain what I mean in English. Sometimes I'll get an "Ooooh! Amerika-jin kakkoi!" response, but those instances are few and far between.
Best thing: experiencing Japanese culture with a Japanese significant other gives me an insight that I wouldn't have solo.
Worst thing: the language and culture barrier. Of course, to take the "glass half full" position - these are simply opportunities for education. ( ) However, these opportunities can be dam- frustrating sometimes.  |
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canuck

Joined: 11 May 2003 Posts: 1921 Location: Japan
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:53 pm Post subject: |
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I think you're playing your own sort of race card, and twisting it to "separate" yourself from other foreigners doing the same thing you do. To say you're starting off at a disadvantage is horsesh1t.
Call it what it is. Your a foreigner that dates Japanese girls. Simple. Period. Filipino charisma man force fields do not exist. |
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ripslyme

Joined: 29 Jan 2005 Posts: 481 Location: Japan
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:15 am Post subject: |
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canuck wrote: |
I think you're playing your own sort of race card, and twisting it to "separate" yourself from other foreigners doing the same thing you do. To say you're starting off at a disadvantage is horsesh1t.
Call it what it is. Your a foreigner that dates Japanese girls. Simple. Period. Filipino charisma man force fields do not exist. |
Yes, in Japan I am a foreigner that dates Japanese girls. If I were back home I'd be an American dating American girls. So what? Are you trying to say that Caucasians do not get better treatment in Japan than Southeast Asians, South Americans, and other "less desirable" types of foreigners do? |
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movinaround
Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 202
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:20 am Post subject: |
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canuck wrote: |
I think you're playing your own sort of race card, and twisting it to "separate" yourself from other foreigners doing the same thing you do. To say you're starting off at a disadvantage is horsesh1t.
Call it what it is. Your a foreigner that dates Japanese girls. Simple. Period. Filipino charisma man force fields do not exist. |
Ya, sorry ripslyme, but was there really a need to bring that up. Do you feel more special now? Base who you are and your achievements on yourself, not compared to others. That sentence reeks of inferiority and jealousy.
Also, charisma men come in all colours, I have seen more than enough of them that I hope I don't see another ever (I will admit they tend more often to be white, but any foreigner is quite capable of this). |
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Hoser

Joined: 19 Mar 2005 Posts: 694 Location: Toronto, Canada
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:30 am Post subject: |
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movinaround wrote: |
Also, charisma men come in all colours, I have seen more than enough of them that I hope I don't see another ever (I will admit they tend more often to be white, but any foreigner is quite capable of this). |
I think you'd probably agree that the great majority (of english teachers at least) of foreigners tend to be white so it's really only a matter of averages. |
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ripslyme

Joined: 29 Jan 2005 Posts: 481 Location: Japan
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:32 am Post subject: |
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movinaround wrote: |
Ya, sorry ripslyme, but was there really a need to bring that up. Do you feel more special now? Base who you are and your achievements on yourself, not compared to others. That sentence reeks of inferiority and jealousy.
Also, charisma men come in all colours, I have seen more than enough of them that I hope I don't see another ever (I will admit they tend more often to be white, but any foreigner is quite capable of this). |
Fair enough. Admittedly, I wrote that with a chip on my shoulder. When I first arrived in Japan, it was a struggle. I was on JET in the inaka, and the nearest other foreigner was a white guy who got the red carpet treatment. ("Culture shock? What are you talking about, they love me here!") Initially, my town/school would have rather not had a JET at all than have one that wasn't a "real American". A good portion of my first year was spent trying to prove that a non-white American was just as good as a white one. |
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movinaround
Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 202
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 12:33 am Post subject: |
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Hoser wrote: |
movinaround wrote: |
Also, charisma men come in all colours, I have seen more than enough of them that I hope I don't see another ever (I will admit they tend more often to be white, but any foreigner is quite capable of this). |
I think you'd probably agree that the great majority (of english teachers at least) of foreigners tend to be white so it's really only a matter of averages. |
Good point.  |
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TokyoLiz
Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 1:27 am Post subject: Dating |
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I think dating in Japan is interesting...
There are lots of attractive and decent Japanese and foreign guys. I dated a few.
I also met foreigners that I wouldn't otherwise have had a chance to meet - Americans, British and Australians. In Japan I had the chance to date people from other ethnic and cultural communities, too - a black guy from Detroit, a Japanese guy raised in the US and Europe, a Japanese guy from another region of Japan. I'm white and Canadian, by the way.
Problems? Just the ones you'd expect in any relationship. But I had lots of amazing experiences - insights into culture, celebration of the differences, and also lots of things in common where I hadn't expected to find anything that coincided.
The hardest part is finding the time to date. I'm too busy! |
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