Job Discussion Forums

[Eva Pilot]

I have only been here a month. So nothing yet, in any case I am just settling in to this city and haven`t had time to look around so to speak.

We will see what happens, if something does then it does.

[shikushiku-boy]

What the hell is it with Japanese women and Tokyo Disneyland?

[luckyloser700]

Thanks to all who responded here.
Would have liked to seen more details about the upsides and downsides of having a Japanese partner. Some will say it's the same as being in a relationship with anyone back in their home countries, but for those who disagree, let's hear some horror stories as well as some positive ones.

[kdynamic]

Your question is really too broad to give a good answer too. I have dated my share of Japanese guys. I have found each experience different depending on the individual. But it's certainly a good way to get more exposure to the local language and culture.

[tokyo story]

I've been with my Japanese girlfriend for four years, although we were separated for long periods at a time. I wouldn't say there's anything special about it being a Japanese/European relationship, though sometimes I don't fully understand her culture (even when she explains it) & I'm certainly not like a regular Japanese guy, but people are people and that's the level we relate on.

Many of the women I've met here are divorced, unhappy, having an affair with a married man or disappointed by love in some other way. There's a lot of romantic fatalism in this country. Also, Japanese guys like young girls, but young girls in this country can be awfully fickle. Why they don't go for the over 30s I don't know, since they charm the hell out of me.

[Zzonkmiles]

I married a Japanese woman, and have dated several other Japanese women before her.

The dynamics of relationships with Japanese (men and women) depend on several factors:

1. How good your Japanese partner's English ability is or how good your Japanese ability is. Can you two effectively communicate? I would argue that at least one of you has to be able to communicate at least reasonably well in the other person's language in order for there to be something other than sex to keep the relationship going. It'll get really frustrating and trying if you have to whip out a dictionary, use gestures, or talk about things at a more superficial level than you'd like just because you can't communicate with each other.

2. Your collective motivations for being with each other. There's a difference between having a Japanese girlfriend and having a girlfriend who happens to be Japanese. Similarly, there's a difference between having a foreign boyfriend and having a boyfriend who happens to be foreign. The Japanese who continually seek out the foreign men/women and completely shut out other Japanese are likely the ones you should avoid, as it is more common for such people to view foreign boyfriends or girlfriends as an easy way to learn English for free. These people have been known to tell their partners that "they don't need to speak Japanese" or "always insist that they speak English." Others view having a foreign boyfriend or girlfriend as a status symbol that is easily replaced.

3. Your understanding of Japanese culture and communication and vice versa. Many Japanese leave things unsaid or prefer to use context as a way to express themselves, often indirectly. A Japanese person will readily understand that "Sore ha chotto..." means the conversation has drifted to an area that makes the other person uncomfortable or that the other person doesn't want to talk about it. A foreigner might be confused by that and will wonder why the Japanese person didn't finish his/her sentence. Familiarity with cultural norms and their related facets are often what turn Japanese people away from foreign partners and make them reconsider Japanese ones.

4. Age and levels of responsibility. A 25-year old Japanese woman who lives with her parents and doesn't have to pay any rent has a whole different view on staying out late and spending money than a 34-year old who lives on her own and works to support herself. Yeah, that 21-year old working at Lawson's might be cute, but it can be a real drag when you find that she doesn't really appreciate the value of money and expects you to shower her with it on nice gifts and such and stay out past the last train even though you have work the next day.

There are other things at play too, but I don't have enough time to write it all. Oh well. Maybe later.

[Eva Pilot]

Do you think I am more likely to meet a nice girl if I wear my Hard Gay mask outside the house?

[Sweetsee]

The Titanic poll rated Japanese women #1 followed by Spain.

[gaijinalways]

Zzonks,

Good post, agree with a lot of your sentiments.

Sweetsee, what is the Titantic poll, and it rated Japanese women 1# for what?


My own situation; dated, married, going on 8 years now. Relationship, up and down.

Cultural differences play havoc with your life but make things very interesting and do open up your head to looking at and evaluating your own culture more closely. Things are not always better or worse, sometimes just different. My wife spent a fair amount of time overseas, but she is sometimes very Japanese (predictable), but in an odd sort of way. Sometimes she is a bit European in outlook, other times very Japanese. So living abroad is useful if you take something away from it besides photographs and souvenirs.

As to the dating prior to getting hitched, rumors are a dangerous thing. Buy me a beer and I'll be happy to spread some about myself !

[Sweetsee]

Way back when the Titanic poll rated women from fifteen or so different countries. In the poll they determined that the Japanese women were the most likely to give their lives for their mates if only one could survive a life or death catastrophe. Thus their ranking as most faithful or loyal mates.

Enjoy,
s

[Big John Stud]

PAULH wrote:

A Japanese wife becomes an eternal money pit, especially when you have kids. Sex drops off considerably once kids come along too.

This one cracked me up laughing! Because so true!

[Gordon]

[luckyloser700]

Sorry to revive my own thread here.

As for me, I married at a young age and divorced at a young age. Before I came to Japan I found myself making up for "lost" time after my divorce by dating quite a bit. When I came to Japan I was ready to take a break from that scene and just enjoy living in another country and all the things that go along with it. While I thought Japanese women were quite attractive, I actually held the image (before coming to and shortly after arriving in Japan) that it was tough to hook up with a young, attractive Japanese woman. I never thought it would be easy at all.
After having been here for a little over two years, I'm often taken aback when I consider how many women I've dated while here. I've lived with a couple of them and can't tell you how much we drove each other crazy (both cases). I'm sure it's mostly because of my shortcomings as a human being, but I can say that cultural differences can wreck a relationship when one or both parties is/are not so open-minded. As some of you may know, Japanese women can be really f'ing scary when they're pissed off. When I see all the cases of family members murdering other family members on the news (have any of you noticed this lately?) I get pretty freaked out about the idea of living with a Japanese woman again.

I'm back to dating now. Don't think I could ever marry a Japanese woman; I'm probably too much of an insensitive, foreign jerk.

[Lynn]

I'm married to a J-guy.

The ups:

I'm not sure how to say that in English, but he "ki ga kiku" which is the best thing about him and Japanese in general. I realize more than ever that Americans just don't do this.

He showers every night before going to bed.

He's a good cook.
He doesn't have sour and/ or onion body order.


Downs:

He hates small talk and sometimes even refuses to do it, which puts me in a very akward situation in public.

He is very, very picky about the rice. (Yes, I use a rice cooker, but he still says I mess it up sometimes...too much water?)

Blood-related family come before spouse.

[luckyloser700]