Job Discussion Forums

[PAULH]

I'm married to a J-woman (not a girl at 45-years old). 2 kids.

The ups:

Very devoted and attentive mother (needs to work more on being a wife too)

Good cook though I get sick of eating the same things all the time.

Puts up with me (just)

Manages family finances fairly well (but she tends to go overboard)

[Yu]

I dated a Japanese guy for a few months.

The relationship ended because of communication. He could not speak English. My Japanese was limited.

[gaijinalways]

[Lynn]

No, my husband doesn't smoke or drink. In the 13 years that I've known him, he has never gone to bed without taking a shower, but I guess not all Japanese guys are like that.

[gaijinalways]

Sounds like a keeper !

[luckyloser700]

For those of you who are married or in long-term relationships with a Japanese partner, tell us about a case where you said or did something you thought was harmless, but actually insulted your partner to the core. I'm talking about a huge blow-up here.
For those of you who watch the news regularly here, have you noticed that people are killing their own family members quite often these days in Japan; lots of burnt-down houses and angry sons/daughters upset at their fathers for being too stern and all that.
Let's hear about a time when your Japanese partner got really scary. I'm not afraid to admit that my last live-in girlfriend punched and kicked myself and her own daughter because she was pissed off about the way I responded to her question: "What do you think of my new hairstyle?"
Scary stuff yo!

And yeah, I know: I should be a little more careful about who I choose to live with. So don't say it.

[MrCAPiTUL]

lol @ hard gay comment. funny. But remember, the mask alone doesn't cut it, you need the entire HG outfit! hehehe.


EDIT NOTE: I think a deeper question to ask may be - even after marriage or any any serious, long term relationship, does your J partner still consider you a gaijin? what about his/her family?

[PAULH]

[MrCAPiTUL]

Well, I guess it really depends on how you view the term gaijin. Perhaps I should expand where I am coming from.

It is a term indicating inferiority, at least that is how I view it. Rather than view you as an individual person, which is more in-tune with you as a person and your actual cultural identity, do they still call you gaijin? It's kind of like here in the states when people say - you can be a banker and drive a bently, yet all people will see is another ni**er driving down the block (in reference to being black in America). The terms are indicitive of a caste system, to some degree. It would appear to usually have the hidden assumption that gaijin are 2nd rate next to nihonjin. For instance, when you introduce your wife would you say - Hi, this is my lovely Japanese wife, Michiko? Or, Hi - this is my wife Michiko - she is a foreigner. Or, would you just say - Hello, this is my wife Michiko. I'm trying to explain where I'm coming from the best I can. Please don't take the examples in a literal context as I am just using them as a reference.

I know the meaning of gaijin could be debated back and forth and probably lead to a novel's worth of comments. None-the-less. . .

[PAULH]

[PAULH]

[MrCAPiTUL]

Paul, that is exactly my point (in your first response). When you introduce people, you do NOT include those things because, ultimately, it doesn't matter. Yet, I have known people, especially hapa, that have regularly been introduced as such.

I've even seen Japanese call Americans gaijin whilst they were in the States. I've read about people being classified as gaijin even though they were Japanese nationals, and were still refused into the onsen or japanese only establishments. The term gaijin definitely has a racial component to it. So therefore, I'm curious as to how long term relationships deal with this element. Notably, the in-law families.

[luckyloser700]

For what it's worth, I think long-term couples, especially married ones, tend to stop seeing what's on the surface and usually concentrate on what's inside. If one or both partners' nationalities become(s) a major issue in the relationship, it won't last long anyway unless one has a really low sense of self-worth.

[PAULH]

[PAULH]