Job Discussion Forums

[denise]

May I present an alternative spin on the issue of taboo questions?

I do not know how I would react (I would probably answer, since I don't really mind personally, but then point out that they're generally not OK to ask), because it has never been an issue... Oh, what I wouldn't give for my students to ask me why I wasn't married or how much I earn/weigh/etc., rather than, "Why did you come to Japan? What is your favorite movie/food/music/etc.?" I would LOVE for my students to be able to think beyond the most basic of questions!!! Wishful thinking?

To borrow from another thread: Is it just me, or are my students just not remotely curious?

d

[Gordon]

D, I have the same problem (same students?).

A couple days ago, I was teaching about weddings. I asked the class to write down 3 questions for me about my wedding (I knew I could be opening up a whole new can of worms). 90% of the questions were: how old were you when you got married, how long ago was your wedding. Does everything have to be measurable or fit on a graph? That was rhetorical.
If I'd had a few Latin American students in my class they would have fired off a million questions at me (like was your wife a virgin), many of which I wouldn't have answered, but interesting nevertheless.

[Psy]

I think it may also have to do with a cultural thing.

Unless your students are in kindergarden asking questions like "Why is the sky blue?", they may actually ask such questions out of curiosity. I've noticed many people from asian cultures ask such things as "How old are you?" "Are you married?" and so called personal questions the first time ANY two people meet, between themselves, among foreigners, etc. It is a sort of introduction of oneself. Westerners may consider these rude questions from someone they just met, but it may be a sign of genuine interest in the person and may be considered quite normal in that culture.

Of course, there are just plain rude people in this world.

[Lynn]

Since in Japanese and Korean one needs to know the age in order to use the right form of language, it is not rude at all to ask age; in fact it's usually the first question. Next is marital status.
I stopped telling my students these were "rude" questions; instead I say that these are "personal" questions and you only ask after you have become close friends.
I think I lived in Asia too long because I am not even sure why it is rude to ask these questions. I have no problem answering them. I think maybe it's because people don't want to be judged. "oh, you are only 29? You look 39." or "You are 29 and you are still not married (or married, but childless)?" Maybe people don't like to be judged on age and marital status because I notice there seems to be a "mold" in Japan/Korea. 22 college student, 25 married, 28 first child, 45 nonsexy wife(just an ordinary housewife focusing on the children), 60 retirement and enjoying hot springs tour groups, 65 enjoying your grandchildren. It's hard to be accepted in society if you break the mold.

[Dr.J]

I second the 'mold' thing. Apparently, when a woman is 24, it's "Christmas Eve" or the age after which is becomes more and more difficult to get married.

Looking at it on a 'world' scale, westerners seem much more sensitive to these kinds of questions. So what if someone knows how much you earn? Why is that personal? Why should you care if someone knows how old you are?

Now if they make a comment like "oh you look much older" then that's rude. But just requesting information...

[Gordon]

None of their business, is still none of their business. When you're young, the questions are not as intrusive, but it is OK to tell them that it's a personal question.

[fat_chris]

It's not the question itself that bothers me; I decide if I will answer the question truthfully or not or even at all. It's the frequency of the same questions asked. Everyone always asks the same thing: "YO, EVERYONE ASKS ME THAT, ASK ME SOMETHING ELSE ALREADY!"

Actually personal questions can be fun because you can lie and create multiple identities for yourself. One day, I'm married to a German, the next day I own an island in the Pacific, the third day....

[Psy]

Let's try to be a little more open-minded. Most of us here are teachers and personally I've learned that patience and understanding is the key to not just being a good teacher, but a great one.

We all have different levels of tolerance and what we perceive to be "personal questions". Someone could ask me where I bought a piece of clothing and I could tell them "None of your business!" Which side would think the other was rude in this instance? Personally I try to accept these personal questions as if it was a first (blind?) date with someone. What would the obvious questions be? Probably age, single status, education, salary. Wouldn't the same questions be brought up even if I had 1000 first (blind?) dates with 1000 different people? If the same person asked the same questions over and over again, that would be different and i could understand one telling him/her to piss off.

Culture is so diversified whereever you go. Personally, I love it. I want to learn all about different peoples' cultures and this is why I entered this field in the first place. I know for a fact I've learned a hell of a lot more than I've taught. I'm sure everyone's reason for entering this profession is different, however I encourage you to open up to the many wonderful things that a country has to offer. It will make your stay that much more enjoyable. (Or at least bearable)

[fat_chris]

Psy,

Agreed. I do enjoy opening up to eveything a different culture can offer.

[richard ame]

Hi Yaramaz

I have to bite my tongue every time I get asked that kind of intrusive nonsense sometimes it gets to a point when I snap back "sana ne" (whats it to you ) but that only happens when they go too far usually at students who want to know my phone number or address . But in the past I have given as good as I get there are some questions they don't like being asked by strangers things like "are you from a village "?

[richard ame]

Hi Yaramaz
Now we are old friends can I ask you a question ?
Where is Ataturkburg?

[dyak]

If you're feeling playful (and very open) you could always try the, 'you can ask me anything you like as long as the grammar of your question is perfect.'

'And you only get one chance!'

'And you only have 2 minutes to write a question!'

Omg... you've never seen such an incentive for correct grammar...