Job Discussion Forums

[Scarface]

Hi there. Would greatly appreciate some feedback on the following....

I am considering a move to Tokyo (non-teaching job). My questions is, how well do foreigners adapt to life there? Obviously this depends a lot on the foreigner, but if I can ask some very general question: is it easy to meet people? Do you, as foreigners feel very isolated? Do you feel welcomed in their society?

I've only been to Japan on holidays, so may be wearing rose-coloured glasses when I say Japan seems like it would be a very interesting place to live. Hong Kong, where I am working now, is very work orientated and it is tough to make friends with locals (in my experience), which can leave a foreigner feeling socially isolated.

Many thanks ladies and gents....

[Glenski]

As you've already figured, answers are going to depend on the individual.

[Scarface]

Much appreciated Glenski.

For those like me who had to look up the definition of Honne vs. tatemae:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae

[callmesim]

I live in Osaka and this is how I feel.

Is it easy to meet people?

If you're not an out-going person then no. If you're friends with an out-going person then yes. I find people to be very reserved on the surface but if you make an effort (or your friend does) then they are lovely people. Of course the biggest hurdle is finding those who you can communicate with!

Do you, as foreigners feel very isolated?

Very. Especially on arrival. If you don't know anyone already here, expect the start to be pretty difficult and you'll be on an emotional roller-coaster. But with time, you'll adjust.

The strange thing is that foreigners tend to find solace in each other. I hate gaijin hang-outs as much as all my friends here because we didn't come here to have a home-away-from-home but we're kind of like our own family. Racially we are all different. And I cant imagine another country you'd go to where a Korean, Indian, Australian and Canadian would find common ground based purely on being "not local".

Do you feel welcomed in their society?

People are very friendly but I always feel a barrier because I'm a foreinger. I can't see how a foreigner could ever become just "one of the people". I mean, I have friends who are Japanese and they still point out when someone is "born here but their parents are Korean" or "a half" because they're mixed race.

I'm sure some will disagree but the feeling I get here is in order to be seen as just another person you need to be Japanese - both as a citizen and racially.

I'd be interested to know if the long-timers feel the same way.

[sallycat]

i lived in japan for seven years and finally left it because of the whole honne/tatemae thing. somewhere after about 6 years i got sick of being treated like an honoured guest. honestly, i probably left the country because i got asked "can you use chopsticks?" one two many times.

[Like a Rolling Stone]

Why is everone so moody doomy and gloomy? In Tokyo you can have fun no problemo tomodachi. People are well friendly and pollite.
If someone says 'can you use chopsticks' I think it is okay. I couldn't use them before I got here. Usually I say 'no I can't. Can I have a knife and fork please?' and then use them to eat my ramen.

[Apsara]

Everyone's experience of Japan is soo different that it is hard to generalise. I've not lived in any country towns, mostly Tokyo and Yokohama for 8 years, but in my experience it's very easy to meet people. None of us non-Japanese will ever be Japanese, but in my opinion that doesn't mean we aren't accepted, just different, because we are....well, different.

This depends very much on your situation though, I hear that foreign mothers who have school age kids at Japanese schools for example can feel quite isolated.

Generally though the Japanese like to meet people from other countries and not all are after a free English lesson. Japanese ability helps, but I have a Canadian friend who has lived here almost 4 years, has given up on learning Japanese, but has lots of Japanese friends- she's very outgoing.

Other foreigners are usually welcoming, we all remember what it was like when we first arrived so will try and include newcomers (apart from those who are trying to have a "true Japan experience" and resent other foreigners for intruding- they tend not to live in Tokyo however).

My main recommendations for an enjoyable time in Japan: a) Make sure you like your work (this goes for everywhere I suppose, but is particularly true when living in a crowded city like Tokyo- too much stress otherwise),
b) have interests outside just going out drinking with workmates- if you join a club or group which Japanese people are involved with as well then you have some common ground.

c) Don't be too frugal in trying to save money for whatever- that way lies unhappiness, I know from personal experience!- and d) don't sweat the small stuff- does it really matter if it's the thousandth time you've been asked if you can use chopsticks? And people do tend to stare sometimes, or bump into you in the train station or wherever, but you can choose not to get angry about these things, just laugh it off. Some people get truly obsessed about these kinds of issues and want to discuss them at length, which isn't really helpful.

That's how I've survived 8 years in Japan with my sanity relatively intact, anyway!

[gaijinalways]

Yes, it is very different for most people. I am still living in Japan (9 yrs plus), but I would say it is difficult to make friends, but some of it might be my age and occuaption. The joining a club idea is a good one, one I haven't done (partly the type of club I want, and my Japanese wife's idea that it doesn't further my career).

But I think I am somewhat of a 'loner' type, so maybe that is part of it. Having contacts makes a big difference, but like anywhere else, making an effort helps too, something I have been too busy of late to do.

[gaijinalways]

Oh, I've lived in Tokyo the whole time I've been here, if that helps.

[Tom Bombadil]

I lived in Japan for 2.5 years and loved it.
Granted I had the advantage of a Japanese spouse and acceptance into her family, but overall I found it easy to make friends.
Frankly, just being foreign is enough to get most people's attention; where you go from there is up to you.

I'm moving back (probably permanetly) and that's a pretty good indication of the quality of the experience I had there.