Job Discussion Forums

DainaJ · Joined: 26 Jul 2006 Posts: 62

That's fine for you, Deicide - it's a very personal decision. I took the risk and we have had 15 great years of supporting each other in turn. Believe it or not, it can work. I hope the OP sees that there are many situations in which this type of arrangement can work.

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

We live in Peru, so the divorce rate is lower. Actually, it's more me than him that wants him to finish. I'm pushing for it.

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

Wow, our child could turn out to be a serial killer. Better not have one.
My marriage could end in divorce. Better not get married!
I might hate teaching abroad. Better not even try.

MELEE · Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:49 pm Post subject:

I sent ng a pm but for the sake of this discussion I'll post here to.

I've known my husband for 8 and 1/2 years. We've been married for 3 and 1/2 and we have two year old twins. He's been a full time student that entire time. The first 5 years were his BA (it's a five year program here) we got married just after he graduated and he went straight into his MA. Both degrees are from public universities with no tuition here in Mexico, and for his MA he was actually getting a government stipen that was equal to about half my salary. It has been hard, but mostly because his MA is in a city 11 hours away from my job! And while my pregnancy was planned, we didn't plan on having twins Wink

. Nature's way of reminding us that you can't plan for everything. I have done WAY more than what I would have thought was my share of the parenting and housekeeping (thank god we can afford our houskeeper).

lozwich · Joined: 25 May 2003 Posts: 1536

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 7:44 pm Post subject:

Haven't been in the situation myself- on either side of it. (Though both my partner and I have helped support each other when, for various reasons, one or the other was earning less, neither of us has been, or could be, a full time student since we met.)

I have seen others in this situation though. It seems to work sometimes, not others. It looks to me like the biggest factors are how much you BOTH want him to complete his studies, and how strong your relationship is in the first place. Another big factor is going to be his attitude towards what it means for you to support him. In foreigner/latino relationships, I've seen rather too many examples of the latin partner who thinks that it's not big deal for you to support him (you are, after all, from a rich country...) and doesn't feel appreciative of the breadwinning partner. Meanwhile, the breadwinning partner, who is really making some serious sacrifices, feels unthanked and resentful...and it goes down hill.

But if you both work at it, it can be made to work. Just keep communication open...

best,
Justin

Aramas · Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 11:39 pm Post subject:

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

I agree with others about him not wanting to go back to school and finish. If he doesn't really want to and isn't motivated, he shouldn't. I nearly killed myself from overwork the past 2 years, my relationship with my family was not good and if I didn't feel that it was vital to finish, I wouldn't have. A masters is easy to start, but very hard to finish.
Think this through very carefully. You must both be on the same page.

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

Thanks for all your advice. We've decided to save up money and he could possibly start next August.

JZer · Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 3898 Location: Pittsburgh

Deicide · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 8:51 am Post subject:

furiousmilksheikali · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 8:59 am Post subject:

Deicide · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 9:05 am Post subject:

Deicide · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 9:08 am Post subject: