Job Discussion Forums

[tudodude]

Hi, as I am heading out to Saudi in a few days I have been trying to meet people (Saudi natives) from friendship websites.
They all have lots of Arab friends but no "western".

Can anyone give me a few tips on how to win over the locals or should I concentrate on being the quintessential bitter Ex-pat?

[Gordon]

What sort of "friendship" are we talking about?

[tudodude]

Well I was hoping for an internet friendship where I am make on line freinds, something usefull in a new country

[007]

[BajaLaJaula]

How about a subservient relationship......It may be easier over the internet....in person I have found Saudi's to be very reluctant to open up....and to be more than just business friendly. Most of their relationships are within family....even marriage.
Not a criticism just my observation. I made lots of friends that were expats, but never a Saudi....I have heard similar stories from others...so I am inclined to think it was not just me. BTW I am not a bitter expat...far from it......there is much to be appreciated from arab culture in general, maybe not Saudi Arabia...(IMHO).
I would be willing to bet that the other arabs on those friendship sites would agree with my assessment.
We go to KSA for the fulus...not for the friendship...too bad really.
Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.

[scot47]

Saudis do not make friends with other Saudis. Why would they make friends with a foreigner ? And a Frank to boot ?

Relationships are determined by family, kinship and marriage.

[007]

[BajaLaJaula]

The fact that Saudi's make such a big deal about the distinction between themselves and other arabs....explains much of the problem.
Iraqis, Jordanians, and other arab nationalities don't seem to make such of big deal of their cultural differences as do Saudis...always seeming to believe they are superior to other arabs.
This is a generalization of course...but IMHO...holds true most of the time.
They may kiss and greet but they still feel like their Saudianess makes them better.

[Van Norden]

dude, I'd love to tell you fairytales but you'd only blame me later, when you get here. You've got to understand what you're getting into. You will be doing time, essentially. A joyless prison sentence. Come with that frame of mind and you won't be disappointed. I learnt the hard way. I came with hopes of good times and fun and a semi-normal life. After being here 3 weeks these hopes had been crushed. Like Boo Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird , I retired to my own little Radley House here in Riyadh.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy...

[Junaid]

[Cleopatra]

I would agree with those posters who say that long-term friendships between Saudis and expats are very rare, though they do occasionally happen. However, if you're lucky, you may be able to strike up short-term friendships with your students or other Saudis you meet. This is easier for men than for women. As Junaid says, you may be invited to dinner or on outings in the country, and Saudis can be extremely hospitable and generous - both are very important in Arab culture.

However, don't expect too much from these relationships: as Scot says, friendship here is based mainly on family ties - even among themselves, most Saudis only form strong friendships with those who are related to them in some way. So count yourself lucky if you manage to establish any sort of social relationship with a Saudi: it will still be more than what most expats do, even in a decade or more of living in the Kingdom.

[Stephen Jones]

So we now know that Saudis run a mile when approached for friendship by bitter, twisted expats with a chip on their shoulder :)

What we are dealing with is not a difference between Saudi culture and western culture, let alone a difference between Saudi culture and other Arab culture. We are dealing in different necessities based on different socio-economic situations.

'Westerners' come from a geographically mobile culture. It is not at all unusual to have your close relatives spread across three continents, and even where they all stay in the same country having a son live hundreds of miles away from his mother, as opposed to round the corner or in the same flat if unmarried, raises no eyebrows. An economic history of the US or UK will give you the reasons for this. As a result the 'westerner' is accustomed to make friends outside of close family and those he grew up with; this is out of necessity as much as choice.

Compare your situation with that of the average Saudi in Saudi. You are living in a strange country, with no family, and probably no friends at all. He is living with his family, and the average Saudi family had six to seven children per mother, and just with brothers and cousins he probably has a hundred people he has direct relations to. Add to that the fact that he probably is living in the same area as all the people he went to school with, and you have a very assymetric set of needs from friendship between the westerner, and his prospective Saudi friend.

This is why you are more likely to make friends with other Arab expats. They are in the same boat as you, on their own, or with their immediate family only.

[007]

[dmb]

[veiledsentiments]