Job Discussion Forums

[runeman]

As Doctor on a Helicopter complained - too many threads on this forum are being diverted by facetiousness by the chums who think they own the place.

This funny joke was posted irrelevantly on the thread about the monopolisation of English teaching institutions in Istanbul -

[runeman]

The new head of the Congressional Defence Committee was asked whether he knew the difference between Sunni and Shia.

He replied: "I'm not sure which one's which, but I remember they had a great hit with ' I've Got You Babe' "

[Sheikh Inal Ovar]

It seems that someone else has been interrupting threads with jokes ... this one from International House -

[bigbadsuzie]

Hey Runeman! that was no joke ,that was a fact ,the bloke actually said that !
Go to youtube and see just how thick Americans really are about the world their country controls .

[justme]

I'm still upset about that youtube thing. I sent it to my dad and he's upset too. In theory, these people actually vote! Statistically we can take some comfort, however, that most Americans don't bother voting-- numbers have increased in the last few years, though, and I think it's due to the fact that now, you can absentee vote whether you have a good reason or not-- all your voting materials come in the mail, allowing you to do it from the comfort of your home.

Another thing that troubles me about that youtube clip is that, for several of the responses, they appear to be on a university campus!

One would assume those guys had to ask a lot of people to find ones as dumb as those-- of course they aren't going to show the ones who say 'Why is North Korea in Australia?-- but I'll bet they didn't have to interview as many people as you might think. It was in Texas, after all...

[bigbadsuzie]

So why Texas ? Is there something special or different about that state we should know,apart from the fact that G.W. Bush hails from there ? Oh yeah got it !

[justme]

[runeman]

Someone sent me this. Not a joke, but something you might use in a more advanced class:

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo
raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr
the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the
frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can
sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig
huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can
raed tihs forwrad it.

[FGT]

Initially I found it difficult to read, then I recognised it and launched myself and, yes, I could read it. Problem is, you don't practise what you preach:

[Golightly]

Actually, most native speakers (and higher level students) would be able to decipher the passage without too many problems, and the bit about the first and last letters being in the right place only aplies to words of 4 letters or more.
So there.

[dmb]

[Sheikh Inal Ovar]

I think we have one or two posters doing a similar study ...

[thrifty]

[runeman]

Here are the winners of the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational
which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply
a new definition.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a*shole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

10. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)

12. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all
these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes
and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido : All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm
in the fruit you're eating.



The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.

And the winners are:
1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing
only a nightgown.
7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has
been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul
flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.


Deep Thoughts For Those Who Might Take Life Too Seriously:

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like......night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

6. Depression is like anger without enthusiasm.

7. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese in the trap.

8. Support bacteria..........they're the only culture some people
have.

9. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

10. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

11. If you think nobody cares, try missing a c ouple of payments.

12. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? OK, then raise my
hand.

13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

18. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

19. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

20. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall
off.

21. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

[tvik]

i just spent two professionally rewarding and sidesplittingly humorous hours on www.englishdroid.com i'm sure some of you know about it but for those who don't it's a lot more informative than a CELTA course