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midnightpariah · Joined: 26 May 2007 Posts: 85

Well I arrived in Japan last night and so far I'm completely overwhelmed (which I totally expected)! When I'm out with others I'm completely fine and enjoying myself, but I find that when I'm alone I can't do anything but cry. The only thing I'm sad about is missing my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost three years and I know that there is no one else for me. We have a great relationship and he was extremely supportive of me when I said that I wanted to teach here for a year. Obviously I cannot have constant company, so what is a good way to deal with the sadness of missing him? I don't want to spend the majority of my alone time crying (especially in public!) I feel like some kind of freak.

Thanks in advance for the advice!

Big John Stud · Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 513

midnightpariah wrote:

Well I arrived in Japan last night and so far I'm completely overwhelmed (which I totally expected)! When I'm out with others I'm completely fine and enjoying myself, but I find that when I'm alone I can't do anything but cry. The only thing I'm sad about is missing my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost three years and I know that there is no one else for me. We have a great relationship and he was extremely supportive of me when I said that I wanted to teach here for a year. Obviously I cannot have constant company, so what is a good way to deal with the sadness of missing him? I don't want to spend the majority of my alone time crying (especially in public!) I feel like some kind of freak.

Thanks in advance for the advice!

If you feel so much for him why did you leave? You do know keep a relationship with someone on the other side of the globe is going to be hard?
How to deal with the sadness of missing him? What works for one person might not work for you, especially when dealing with relationships. However when you are alone, I do suggest deep contemplation.
You need to contemplate what you want to do with your life. You also need to contemplate your strengths and weakness. I believe knowing one's weaknesses is more important than knowing one's strengths. You also need to contemplate what is important to you.

Anyway good luck to you.

User N. Ame · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 222 Location: Kanto

GambateBingBangBOOM · Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 2021 Location: Japan

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

Wow, what supportive posters. Give her a break will you?

Just take it one day at a time, when you start work and make friends, it will be much easier. Japan is a real shock especially if you haven't been overseas before. So many unrecognizable things and many thoughts of "what is it" and "I could never eat that". That is normal. It will get easier.

midnightpariah · Joined: 26 May 2007 Posts: 85

User N. Ame · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 222 Location: Kanto

markle · Joined: 17 Jan 2003 Posts: 1316 Location: Out of Japan

GambateBingBangBOOM · Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 2021 Location: Japan

midnightpariah · Joined: 26 May 2007 Posts: 85

callmesim · Joined: 27 Oct 2005 Posts: 279 Location: London, UK

I agree with what everyone's said but at the same time, just wanted to let you know that what you're going through isn't strange. I know I found the first few days pretty tough and I've always enjoyed my own company. It's just that thing of enjoying your company when you have the option of people around and being forced to enjoy your own company because you're alone in a country and everything is new.

Stick it out though and it'll get better and you'll love the experience. Promise!

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

Callmesim said

Chris21 · Joined: 30 Apr 2006 Posts: 366 Location: Japan

If it's any consolation, I knew a teacher in the exact same situation as you... woman coming to Japan, long-time boyfriend at home, cried in her apartment on her first night. She managed the emotional-overload and turned out to be one of the most with-it people I've ever encountered while here. I think she managed it by being social and getting involved with other projects. She also had a few flings.

When she got back home after a year here, she got engaged.

Apsara · Joined: 20 Sep 2005 Posts: 2142 Location: Tokyo, Japan

There is no need to "break up or go home now". I know people whose relationships have survived a year or more while one was in Japan and the other stayed home. My husband was transferred to India to work for 6 months at the end of last year- I missed him but I obviously never considered divorcing him because a long distance relationship would have been too hard to maintain- that would have been a bit drastic!

Actually you might have found yourself crying even without the boyfriend at home- I know a lot of people, guys included, who have arrived in Japan where they know no-one, found themselves alone the first night in their tiny, sparsely furnished, fluorescent-lit room and got mildly depressed and burst into tears. One or two actually went home within the week, but most of them stuck it out, me included, and in some cases are still here years later (almost 10 years for me!).

It's just a part of the culture shock. You won't enjoy every minute but if you let yourself you will have a great time mostly. Try Skyping your boyfriend using a camera so you can see each other, chat online, email plenty and it won't be so bad- that's what worked for us. If he can come to visit at some time that would be great too.

Good luck!

Smile

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

The tips about not calling regularly, especially skype, is good. That contact will make you feel like you are in between Japan and the States and will make you feel worse.

Love letters are a great idea.

My g/f (now wife) spent a summer away and we wrote to each other nearly every day. That anticipation of the letter in the mail was the best. Emails aren`t the same. That was 12 years ago and we`re still going strong.