Job Discussion Forums

injapantoday · Joined: 26 Apr 2005 Posts: 40 Location: japan

Since we plan on getting married a year after I get back, I should use this time to enjoy being single! =o)

I'm sure he is going to enjoy the time being single too!

User N. Ame · Joined: 11 Dec 2006 Posts: 222 Location: Kanto

Apsara · Joined: 20 Sep 2005 Posts: 2142 Location: Tokyo, Japan

So actually being married makes it totally different? The OP and her boyfriend plan to get married when she returns so it doesn't seem as open-ended as all that. Apart from the time difference- for us 6 months and for them a year, I don't really see how it is that different. I'm sure it depends very much on the couple though, so hard for me to say as I don't know the OP.

wabisabi365 · Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 111 Location: japan

Hi there,

I was thinking back to when I first arrived here; the rest of my co-workers didn't arrive until a week later. I could have used some company, or, at the very least, some directions to the nearest spot where I could have a beer or wine and meet some other foreigners in the neighbourhood.

What area are you in? Maybe someone here could direct you to a few hangouts. The weekend is here; best to be out and about rather than feeling blue in your room.

You'll start adjusting soon (especially when you'll have work to start dealing with).

Take care,
ws365

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

TokyoLiz wrote:

Lynn · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 696 Location: in between

This November will be our 4th year wedding anniversary. I'm very happy with my husband. Without getting too corny, I must say that no matter what happens in my life I have such peace of mind knowing he is here by my side.

Anyway...I can totally relate. We dated 11 years before we wed, part of it was a long distance relationship. The key is to have dates set in advanced. Our first time, I was an exchange student in Japan while he remained back in Hawaii. We just played it by ear and it nearly cost us the relationship.

The second time I was on the JET program, but this time we planned it much better. We had arranged when we were going to meet, and we both had the date to look forward to. Are you going back for Christmas? Or is he coming over for a visit? You should set a date now.

It also helps to set a goal. I studied Japanese with a goal to surprise him with how much I had learned. When I opened my mouth to introduce him to my new Japanese friends , he was in shock. He couldn't stop smiling. "Wow. I can't beleive you are speaking Japanese!" he'd say. BTW, he is Japanese.

It can be anything, like getting fit or learning to cook or play an instrument. It makes the reunion date also a deadline for your goal.

Like the others have said, I think it's also culture shock. The first few weeks in Japan can be tough.

Sweetsee · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 2302 Location: ) is everything

"So Far Away" by the Dire Straits just played on the radio.
If you love something set it free.
Letters are good.
Tennis?
Enjoy,
s

Gypsy Rose Kim · Joined: 08 Dec 2006 Posts: 151

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Japan can be an extremely lonely place. You've got to prepare yourself for that.

I remember quite clearly when the movie Lost In Translation came out. We were sitting around the staffroom (I worked at Ginza Nova, and there were quite a lot of teachers including French). Some people hated the movie, some loved it, and some of us hadn't seen it.

The one thing everyone kept going back to was the scene where Scarlett Johannson is sitting it the hotel window, looking over the city, and crying. It was so powerful, even for those of us who'd been there for years.

It immediately brought us back to what you're going through now (although, I must say, it usually kicks in sometime between the second and sixth month, not the second day).

Most people will go through this at some point. I've grown to love the independence and the anonymity, as well knowing that the friendships I have took longer to develop and run very deep now. In fact, I feel out of place outside Japan in many ways.

If you are only staying for a year, let the tears run their course, follow the advice people have given you about long-distance relationships, and then dry your eyes and enjoy your time here.

One of the remarkable things about human beings is that we can only cry for so long. One of the remarkable things about Japan is that it has a way of captivating you with all its charms, and everything makes sense eventually, and I know nearly no one who regrets their time there--regardless of what they lost as a result.

Sweetsee · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 2302 Location: ) is everything

Nice post, enjoyed that. That scene from that movie also came to mind for me as I read this thread. A scene made even more real because we spent the first two months together in Japan apart at the Century Hyatt. Except it was me sitting on that windowsill looking down at the tennis court at the Hilton alone.
Enjoy,
s

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

Sweetsee · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 2302 Location: ) is everything

Sorry to disappoint. I am not saying to end it all, at all. I know nothing of the relationship. How could I advise on such matters? Just offering up some comments. No harm done, I hope.
Just saying that when you set love free and it returns, it was meant to be; makes it strong, toughens it up. You know?

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

Sweetsee,
Cutely philosophical, but your original comments could smack of suggesting that they end it all. I suggest that you be MUCH more careful with the way you respond here.

Sweetsee · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 2302 Location: ) is everything

You are right, my friend. Thank you. My original comment should have read: When you love something set it free, when it returns it was meant to be. You can be in my dream, if I can be in yours.
Enjoy,
s

wintersweet · Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:36 pm Post subject:

I disagree with the blanket advice on avoiding phone calls. That really depends on you and your preferences. When I was in Taiwan I talked to my then-boyfriend (now husband) almost every day (but we were positive and avoided turning it into "I miss youuuu..." "*I* miss *YOUUUUU*..." if you know what I mean Wink

). Trading journals, real mail, journals, and mix CDs can be fun. Writing a blog for your friends and family with photos is good too, and helps you keep your perspective later when you find yourself thinking about returning (either for or against). And it really is good to become comfortable living with/by yourself. I think it makes people better partners in the end.

Good luck and hang in there!