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| What do you think of having children? |
| Got enough don't want any more. |
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8% |
[ 3 ] |
| Have some and would like more. |
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11% |
[ 4 ] |
| Maybe in a few years or 10. |
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48% |
[ 17 ] |
| Are you kidding, I see enough brats every day. Never. |
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31% |
[ 11 ] |
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| Total Votes : 35 |
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Message |
struelle
Joined: 16 May 2003
Posts: 2372
Location: Shanghai
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 Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 12:46 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
And what's wrong with that?
Actually, as a teacher, I have put the needs of my students above my own needs every day, even when it hasn't been convenient for me. |
That's a point to be underscored. Fittingly enough, teaching is probably the least selfish career choice I can think of, as the focus is on serving the students and meeting their needs first.
You can put others first on the job, as well as raising a family and having kids. There is not only one way to put others first and be responsible, there are many ways.
But I'm coming more and more to the conclusion that it's key to meet your needs and take care of yourself before sacrificing to help others. There are countless examples of poor parents back home who are too burned out and stressed to do an effective job. They raise kids not out of choice, but because they feel they are obligated or they 'have to'.
Maybe they want to please other people or follow social norms. But if a parent raises a kid out of guilt or obligation, it's a lose-lose situation for both parent and child.
Gordon finds great joy and satisfaction in parenting, and I think that's wonderful! But I find his case is the exception rather than the norm, at least with folks I know back home who raise kids. Most don't like it, and are too busy with other things to be good parents, but feel that's just what the society expects them to do.
Steve |
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Capergirl
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Posts: 1232
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 1:11 am Post subject: |
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I love children, but I was honestly never sure that I wanted children of my own. However, fate decreed that I would have one - she is the love of my life. I am not exaggerating when I say that this little lady has made me a much better person. I would love to have another (or two) someday but I seriously doubt that will happen.  Even if I don't have any more, I am grateful every day for the one I have now. 
To have or not to have children is a matter of personal choice (and circumstance). I'd rather not read about any more children in this world who are mistreated, abandoned, or murdered because their parents didn't or don't want children. If you know you don't want children, by all means don't have them. If you do want them, I hope your wish will be fulfilled someday. |
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denise
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 3419
Location: finally home-ish
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 4:22 am Post subject: |
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| Gordon wrote: |
Will,
I think you could put it another way: selfishness. Many people couldn't dream of putting someone else ahead of themselves. I'm not saying you are, but to put it bluntly there are a lot of people out there who are only out for #1 and maybe that's why they've never had a long term relationship too.
Boy, I can feel the flames coming already.  |
Gordon--
Does seven years (give or take--it was a weird situation on all counts) count as long enough for a relationship? Proof of commitment?
I can tell how dedicated you are to your children, and I am sure that they will benefit from it. There are numerous reasons, however, for not having them--and many of them in no way reflect selfishness. And even if I do 'fess up and say that I frankly just don't want the burden (which, trust me, is only one of dozens and dozens of reasons), isn't that enough? Regardless of the reason, someone who does not want kids probably will not give them the love and attention that they need. Better to be selfish without kids than selfish with kids, no?
d |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 5309
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 5:45 am Post subject: |
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I think some of you are misunderstanding me. In no way have I said that people who don't want children are selfish. I said that one of the reasons people don't have children is because they are selfish. There is a big difference.
Those of you who have been in a long term relationship know that in order for it to work, you have to do a lot of giving. Even when you don't feel like submitting or compromising, you have to at times.
Having children is not for everybody, I agree with many of you. Some of you recognize that you'd make lousy parents and have no urge to procreate, and I completely respect your decision. |
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guty
Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 365
Location: on holiday
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with those who dont want kids because they think they wouldnt be good parents, to me that is an unselfish attitude, in many cases the easy thing to do would be do as most other people, have kids to fit in and regret it for many years after.
I also agree with those who were surprised at the intolerance of some of the responses on both sides, I still think travel should broaden the mind to the point where you can accept people have values and priorities that are different to yours, no better and no worse, just different.
I do find that kids make your house smell funny though. |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 5309
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2003 12:40 am Post subject: |
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| I do find that kids make your house smell funny though. |
No more than a bachelor's fridge. |
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Dr.J
Joined: 09 May 2003
Posts: 304
Location: usually Japan
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| Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2003 4:59 am Post subject: |
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| Here's a strategy I'm considering: marry a single mother. That way, I don't have to deal with the first eight years of screaming baby, and I get the moral credit for giving the kid a father! Diabolical genuis or what! |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 5309
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2003 3:17 am Post subject: |
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| Dr. J, good idea. I bet there are a lot of single moms out there who`d love to have a male influence in their child`s life. I don`t have any 8 yr olds, but I`m willing to bet that the teenager years are not going to be a piece of cake. At least an infant isn`t going to crash your car or elope with a loser. |
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