Job Discussion Forums

arioch36 · Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 3589

I and my Chinese wife were married this past March here in China. Due to health problems, we could not go back to the states that summer for a second home wedding. (Actually we had a three marriages here in China, traditional Chinese, Church, and then on a local tv marriage show.

I am thinking about setting up a wedding next summer when we go back for a visit next summer. About 16 months after our original Chinese wedding.
Pros: Film it for our Chinse students, new experience for my Chinese wife, excuse for old friends to get together, maybe even a chance for my five sibling to reunite after a falling out over my mother's meager estate several years ago.

Con: Totally socially tacky to get married a year and a half after our marriage? (my ignorance about some social matter is huge)
Invitation to reopen the family feud?

Thoughts are welcome

It would be a church wedding with an outdoor rception, or even barbeque if that is not to exceedingly tacky. My church has a nice area outside, pavilion, voleybal, that kind of stuff

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

It would be nice for your family to see the two of you and expose your wife to US culture.

Though you might have to go through the legal issues of getting married in the church, like pre marital counselor, though techically, you are married so I don-t think that you could get married. What you could do is a revewal of vows.

Another con, expensive, especially coming from China.

arioch36 · Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 3589

renewal of vows. hmm.

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

I 'm pretty sure it-s the only thing you can do.

When we get married in the church, it-ll be in Peru too, but it's not legal. It's just the religious ceremony. I suppose it's legal in God's eyes, but not in the states

cspitzig · Joined: 01 Nov 2007 Posts: 56

Is it relevant religiously(as far as God's eyes)? I thought people just got married multiple times(or vows renewed) for social reasons. Like, participating in the ritual WITH one's community. I thought God was happy as long as there was already a church wedding.

rusmeister · Joined: 15 Jun 2006 Posts: 867 Location: Russia

I did it.
If you are serious about keeping a vow for life, even when the going gets tough, I would.

The only real downside for me was that it WAS socially tacky, but not because of my attitudes, but because of my family's, who all left within 2 hours of the service (a kind of eat-and-go-home reception). It was a disappointment compared to the Russian ceremony and reception, which was, while done at home by incredibly poor people (at the time) by our standards was totally blow-out and hard to top.

That said, when my wife was getting her citizenship it came in handy that we actually had an American license (we were able to present it at one of the interviews, along with our firstborn son early on at one of the interviews).

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

WE are only married civillly and I was working for a Catholica uni in Peru. They told uswe weren't allowed to live together because we weren't married in the eyes of God.

asgerd · Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 33

Not speaking from experience here, but since you asked for thoughts:

The idea of getting your friends and siblings together for a reception (formal, ie in the sense of making it a reception and not just a random bash - I don't mean morning coats and a string quartet) sounds like a great plan, but do you really need another ceremony? I wonder if it will indeed occur to some people that it's not real anyway (esp after 16 months) as you've already covered that ground, and therefore be a disappointment, for them and you. And if you're worried about erupting feuds, this could provide just the spark, if some find it tacky and only come out of obligation (or stay away). Depending on what your church is like, you could still have some sort of blessing. Actually it could be great opportunity to plan something really meaningful and different to celebrate your marriage (rather than the wedding per se) and welcome your wife to the family and all that.

Anyway good luck with it - may you be as happy as rusmeister!

arioch36 · Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 3589

Asgerd
yes some of the concerns you stated are the cons in my mind

asgerd · Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 33

Oops - didn't mean to suggest that your wedding wouldn't be meaningful! sorry. I meant more that it could different and also meaningful to celebrate a 16-month-old marriage, rather than reprise the wedding.

Anyway it sounds like you both really want to do this, so go for it.

Gringo Greg · Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 4:17 am Post subject:

Reception is what you need to do.

Want to do a ceremony in front of the church? I know the Nazarene church(and I assume many others) have a special ceremony they do for couples married civilly but without the church's blessings. It's not exactly a renewal of vows, but it is an acceptance of the marriage in front of the church by the pastor. Basically, bring the two up and reaffirm them and then introduce them as husband and wife to the congregation. It takes just a few minutes. It's been about 13 years so I really don't remember or want to remember the particulars.

It just might be what you are looking for and I'll bet your minister will do it for you during the regular Sunday service. You don't have to spend a lot of money on wedding ceremony and instead spend it on the reception.

Make a slideshow DVD of all of your wedding pictures from China to run on a TV at the reception. That way everyone can share those memories as well.

I think you have enough information to go on now, it's just really up to you and want you want.

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject:

gaijinalways · Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 2279

markholmes · Joined: 21 Jun 2004 Posts: 661 Location: Wengehua

I married my Canadian wife (I'm from the UK) in Taiwan for the purpose of getting permanent residency in Canada. I could have done it on my own, but it would have taken years.

Neither of us wanted to get married, but needs must. So we had a civic ceremony in Taipei. Even though my parents could have attended, we banned them as my wifes parents couldn't. We videoed the whole thing though and sent off copies within days.

Two years later we did it all again in Vancouver and even went through the process of signing a phoney wedding certficate. To this day our parents don't know it was fake.

They send us anniversary cards on that day, which is actually quite meaningless to us, as that wasn't our proper wedding.

Still, everyone's happy and that's the main thing.