Job Discussion Forums

[uberscheisse]

so i'm going to be in japan soon.

i'm going meet my lady's parents sooner than later.

while i'm an astounding, stand-up guy, i recognize that many asian cultures are very gift-oriented. i lived in korea for just over 3 years and in my experience, gifts went a REALLY long way at winning people over. far from bribery, it was more a signal that you were integrated into the culture.

is japan the same? are gifts/tokens a big part of formal meetings, such as meeting your lady's parents for the first time?

if i come over with a bunch of mom-like gifts, i.e. canadian soaps/toiletries for her mom, and a dad-like gift, i.e. nice canadian whiskey, will it be seen as a pathetic ass-kiss attempt, or will it end up being the straw that turned boyfriend into son-in-law?

or, are there more traditional gifts that i'm expected to buy?

just curious. any experiences?

[Schick]

I also am in Japan soon and I have a question on gifts

Ideas for great gifts that Japanese like. My idea is maple syrup since im from canada

[Yawarakaijin]

I believe anything sold in units of 4 is highly sought after due to the significance of the number in the culture. Sharp objects are often a good gift when it comes to relationships as it signifies you are cutting all your old ties and commiting solely to the new relationship.

[uberscheisse]

[Yawarakaijin]

Darn, just too smart for me.

Seriously. Ask if your gf's father drinks. A nice bottle of scotch would do the trick for him. If he golfs, a nice golfing sweater.

For the mother, I don't know. I'm sure your gf would have some idea of the things her mother likes. I would imagine anything brand name would do.

I would however avoid going the whole maple syrup/candy from your country route. To me, those are things you bring your co-workers back from your country after a vacation. Go with something a little more personal.

Don't go overboard but in my experience a little public display of affection towards their daughter would really put a smile on their faces. They will surely have never seen a Japanese guy outwardly express his emotions towards their daughter. I don't mean necking with her infront of them, just somehow managing to show how much you really care for their daughter will work wonders. I remember my girlfriend telling me how impressed her parents were by me simply because they could "feel" I actually loved her.

[mimimimi]

Be especially careful when giving gifts that could exacerbate any existing medical conditions or bad habits that the person may want to minimize or eliminate. My friend once gave a gift of whiskey to a man who was a recovering alcoholic. It was a very awkward moment.

[Hoser]

If you are as outstanding as you claim then your presence alone should be more than sufficient!

[cykorea]

From Canada its simple

Maple Cookies actually make pretty good gifts to be honest. KISS keep it simple stupid

ice wine is great too.

[southofreality]

You've gotta use your head on this one.

If this is really the girl you want to marry, make a damned fine impression by getting the mother something classy. Shell out some bucks and get her something that will have everyone going 'sutekiii!' I'm sure you can come up with something. A handcrafted European-style music box might be nice (worked for me once upon a time). If the father drinks, a nice bottle of scotch would probably go over well.

On top of that, maple cookies and whatever other run-of-the-mill "look what I brought you from the Great White North" crap you can scrounge up should suffice.

[AndyH]

I was successful with scotch for my now-father in law and fine chocolates for my now-mother in law.

[ironopolis]

To the OP, I know this isn't what you asked, and apologies if it's something you're already well aware of, but, do you realise the significance of meeting the parents in this part of the world?

In western countries, meeting your g/f or b/f's parents might sometimes be a bit awkward depending on the personalities involved but it doesn't usually have much significance per se. Whereas here there's often a much greater sense of "mummy, daddy, this is the person I want to marry" even if those words aren't actually uttered.

I remember when I first came to east Asia there were several times when chatting with female acquaintances that I asked if their parents and boyfriend got on well with each other, or something similar. It took a month or two to dawn on me why this kind of question often got the seemingly bizarre answer of "I'm not ready to get married yet."

[uberscheisse]

[alexcase]

I'm not sure if the musical box was another pointless and unfunny wind up on this thread or not , but you have to be careful not to start "present war" by giving something too nice that they have to give you something nice in return for and so on until you are really accepted as a member of the family and they can finally just relax and be rude to you

[ironopolis]

[markle]