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Divorce in Japan

 
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tanuki



Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 47

PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 2:25 pm    Post subject: Divorce in Japan Reply with quote

Heya, folks!

Here's a Washington Post news article that I found tonight:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/25/AR2007112501720.html?nav=rss_world&p=1&ac=1&cmp=22&wpsrc=AG0000431&KEYWORD=tokyo%20japan&cre=934076886&st=c&g=1

(That link is super-long and might break. If it does and you want to read the story, cut'n'paste the link into your browser and remove any spaces. Or Google the title "Learn to Be Nice to Your Wife, or Pay the Price")

I'm not sure whether to take the piss or not; I can't help but think of that old Eddy Murphie routine about "HALF!" and "What have you done for me lately?"

The 6.1% figure in the first part is an eye-opener. (Not totally SHOCKING, but one of those "Hmm!" reactions for me)

And the description of National Chauvinistic Husbands Association's one and only 10 (on page 3) is kinda interesting...


I mean, I know that there are PLENTY of guys out there (amongst the 60million figure that this article says is the number of men in Japan--presumably over 20) who are fantastic husbands. So I'm not trying to say all men here are boorish slobs.

And neither am I just taking a cheap shot.

Oh, and obviously this is not something unique to Japan.

But it is STAGGERING the number of students I've had over the years who when asked about their family are very willing to talk about things, but when asked about their father, specifically, know next to NOTHING about him. "He works for a company".

Me: Oh, I see. What kind of company?

St: Don't know.

Me: Whaddayamean you don't know... is it a construction company, a bank... or do you just not know the word, perhaps?

St: No, I just don't know. Hardly know my father at all.

(Most of the other Asian students in the class nod their head tacitly...)


Take a squiz at the article... any thoughts?

Tanuki


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Extraordinary Rendition



Joined: 09 Feb 2008
Posts: 127
Location: third stone from the Sun

PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'...according to Hiromi Ikeuchi, a family counselor with the Tokyo Family Laboratory. "I don't think it is the fault of men," she said. "It is the corporate culture that expects men to work late."'

That would appear to be an understatement, from what one reads; work late, and drink with colleagues. I have never really liked working for a living, and certainly wouldn't want to work late into the evening, and have never really liked very many of my colleagues; being Japanese must be hell. Sad
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Vince



Joined: 05 May 2003
Posts: 559
Location: U.S.

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
"Japan is a peaceful country, but the household is at war," he said.

That sums it up. In particular, most of the Japanese females I knew had issues with their husbands and fathers.

The fault for dysfunctional Japanese families doesn't lie solely with husbands. I'd like to see a study done of how Japanese wives contribute to the problem. I've spoken to Japanese men about this, and many of them felt driven from their homes from the beginning. I suspect that driving people away on one hand while complaining about hitori botchi (I'm all alone in this world) on the other hand is a common game.
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NorthofAmerica



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 187
Location: Recovering Expat

PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 12:08 pm    Post subject: Could this be less surprising? Reply with quote

What's crazy is that in 2008 now even younger men still follow this way of thinking. Women here have wised up on some level and generally travel and experience much more in the world than their tunnel minded salaryman husbands The result has been predictable, while older generations put up with this shit the younger women are beginning to get a little fed up. Families are going through a MAJOR transition here it seems.

On the plus side, as a foreigner who opens doors, cooks, and generally appreciates a woman's company you come off like a superman Wink
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parrothead



Joined: 02 Nov 2003
Posts: 342
Location: Japan

PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An interesting topic. I asked a few Japanese women about this recently and was quite surprised by their views about the balance between work and family. Many wives fully expect their husbands to work late and arrive home well into the night. Some feel that if their husbands arrive home early then they think their husbands must not be working hard enough. Never mind the fact that working longer hours doesn't necessarily mean you are a harder worker, but it does seem that in addition to feeling intense job obligations many men are pushed out the door of their own homes as well.
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Vince



Joined: 05 May 2003
Posts: 559
Location: U.S.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

parrothead wrote:
Many wives fully expect their husbands to work late and arrive home well into the night.

My point exactly. They want their husbands married to their jobs, but years later complain that he has become a stranger. Shiyo ga nai, I guess.
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BradS



Joined: 05 Sep 2004
Posts: 173
Location: Tokyo, Japan

PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 1:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

parrothead wrote:
An interesting topic. I asked a few Japanese women about this recently and was quite surprised by their views about the balance between work and family. Many wives fully expect their husbands to work late and arrive home well into the night. Some feel that if their husbands arrive home early then they think their husbands must not be working hard enough. Never mind the fact that working longer hours doesn't necessarily mean you are a harder worker, but it does seem that in addition to feeling intense job obligations many men are pushed out the door of their own homes as well.


I've heard this a lot too. The strength of a relationship is also called into question as a few women I've spoken to seem to be relying on the fact their husbands will never be home to help them get through their marriage.

Personally I've always found it interesting how the men seem to think that they're doing their duty but the women will refer to getting married as a "vacation" or "holiday".

While most western couples marry to spend their lives with someone they love a lot of Japanese people view marriage as a logical step that everyone must take.
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