Job Discussion Forums

[parrothead]

[ripslyme]

[Vince]

[bluefrog]

[tokyo story]

[gaijinalways]

[onesentiment]

I get the feeling this has a lot to do with confidence. The less confidence you have, the more you let the outside world get to you. Actually, I was in the "what the hell are they staring phase" until I said to myself, "Well, they don't know who I really am, so what's the point of getting worked up?". I started changing my mindset and everything else started to change. Why kill yourself over stares and stupid questions? The only advice I can give is to think outside-in instead of inside-out, -- if you believe the world is against you it will be ultra-difficult to think this way. Maybe you're already coming up with rebuttals as of right now. These are all internal problems within you and a shell you've created for yourself.

Some people here did bring up some good points on true discrimination and the 'bigger fish to fry' analogy. That might work for you, but if you're close-minded, you will always see yourself as the victim and never be able to get out of that mindset. I'm not really talking to anyone specifically. This is just the overall aura I get from this board. If you got slightly offended by it, then it probably applies to you.

[AgentMulderUK]

Another way of looking at it is:


I am tired of being looked at BY freaks day in, day out.


Take that as you will.

[Bozo Yoroshiku]

[TokyoLiz]

To respond to KYdynamic's original post -

I've been in Japan 6 years now in the same neighbourhood, and for the most part, enjoy it.

Like you, I'm only 5ft 4in, dark haired (I even dyed it dark brown for a while), and if I pull my hat down or dip my parasol, nobody notices that I'm not a Japanese.

Lately, I've been pleasantly surprised by how accepted I am in my own neighbourhood, a small city east of Tokyo. When I come home in the evening, there is always someone I know that I meet on the way home, gaijins and locals.

A curious thing has happened a lot lately - people asking *me* stuff. Last week, on the way to a temple in the next city over, an elderly lady asked me for help. She couldn't read the labels on the vending machine and asked me to read to her. When she realized I wasn't Japanese, she said, "My, you speak Japanese well, and thanks for your help."

It's not only visually impaired old ladies, either. My cab driver the other night was asking me advice on local onsens, and yesterday a woman at the bus stop who was a little lost, asked me tabout the schedule, and I helped her on her way.

I have crap days, too, when people do a double take not because I'm cute or something, but merely because I'm a gaijin. Older salarymen stand too close on the train because they're curious about the exotic gaijin lady, like I'm a curiousity rather than a person.

As an antidote to the gaijin curiousity problem, I open my mouth. Being gentle is better. On the train I asked a guy in a whisper, would he mind please not leaning on my shoulder like that? And behold, he backed away.

Perhaps this is a bit....odd... but on the train I have two means of emotional self defense. I either study a book or mark my student's work, or knit so that I don't meet people's eyes. I'm too busy with my task. Some friendly people remark on my knitting or the material I'm reading. Starting a conversation that isn't about my freak gaijin status but about something that interests me and others has the potential to break down barriers.

I like onesentiment said

Look for healthy people who want to know you for who you are, not what you are. It's a tough thing, but I've dropped some so-called friends who simply liked the attention they got being with a gaijin, and kept close people who I like for who they are, just as they like me for who I am.

So, fry your fleak flag high

[gaijinalways]

[TokyoLiz]

Gaijinalways,

Oh, dude, you don't know. I have so few female friends. I think it's a result of my pickiness - I don't have time to talk about clothes, makeup, superficial stuff. I like deep, complicated women who want to talk about The Things that Matter (the title of an anthology of poetry my brother gave me many years ago). The few women I keep close are women I can talk to about what's eating me, or about my victories, and I'm there to listen when they have trouble, or when they're on fire about something.

I'm sorry you perceive it as easier for women to meet women; it seems to imply that it is harder for men, you included, to meet men you can make lasting friendships with. I hope it is otherwise...

You foreign-looking dudes, I have deep sympathy with. You cannot hide. Me, I can disappear in a crowd, be utterly annonymous if I feel like it. You dudes are often too big, too standout, to have the same chance. In one respect, I'm jealous. People approach you rather easily.

When my blond, blue eyed, hunky younger brother was here, we hardly had a train trip or a day out when people didn't start up a conversation with him. He was a standout for his gaijinness - he was passing through on his way home from Thailand to Canada, and radiated a foreign aura. Salarymen, ojisans, obasans, high school kids wouldn't leave him alone. He felt like a celebrity, but was very happy to go home. He'd had enough of standing out. Thais, by contrast, just treat you like a regular dude.

Anyway, I am sure there are genuine, interesting and interested people for you to meet out there. There are only 120,000,000 Japanese folks, so you're bound to meet one or two with whom you can relate.

Oh, dude, don't talk to this Bongcouver born girl about the baked not fried issue...

[gaijinalways]

Don't worry, I only include one bad joke per post (compared to my classes, where my students have to suffer through more, both in Japanese and in English ).

I know myself, I don't make enough of an effort to go out and mingle sometimes. One problem I have is I don't always want to go out drinking, a common way of socializing in Japan. That, and sometimes work is just busy and I don't take advantage of some invitations.