Job Discussion Forums

[johnslat]

Dear Cleopatra,
Eureka - looks like we've found another thing to disagree about:

"It's not just a 'man thing'. I'm a woman and am put off big time by all the 'touchy feely' stuff you speak of. "

So, I assume you agree with the OP's statement:


"I don't feel "proud" of my student if he writes a really good essay - similarly I'm not "dissapointed" if they fare badly in an exam. I see these things objectively. In short, on an affective level, I don't care about my students at all."

Now, if feeling proud when your students do well and feeling disappointed when they do badly, if caring about your students means being "touchy-feely" (and, to be honest, I don't think it does, but that's how the OP described it), then I plead guilty to being "touchy-feely". What's more, I have to wonder if anyone who doesn't care about how his/her students progress - or don't - is truly in the right profession.
Regards,
John

[Will.]

OK,
I'll bite.
"Touchy feely", as it is perceived by many, is not the "hug me man!," Let's bond! ... bolleaux advertised here but refers to the student participation in a lesson activity, everyone up and about interacting with each other, VAK learning taking place, A 'swinging from the chandelier' type lesson. A session that contains all the 'good stuff' that we were told to do and use way back when we were Celtees.
For Belmont,
One reason that Brits seem to be less tactile to you is because you are in the US where it is considered ok for men to hug each other but the French kiss on both cheek is not, for men. N. Americans are generally, let us stress this generalisation... more physically demonstrative, lots of hand pumping and backslapping. Many Brits find this physical outpouring of affection overdemonstrative and at times valueless due to its abundance and the profuseness of use. We save our affection for those we really feel something for and don't waste time on handshakes for all and sundry and as for bear hugs "get a life!" are you so insecure that you need a hug from an old fart like me?
For many mainstream British teachers this is not only frowned upon but is positively legislated against. In a classroom situation it is called SEXUAL HARASSMENT when instigated by a teacher and UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOUR when the teacher reciprocates with a student advance and allows it to happen, be it only a hug...
I have been on the receiving end of the finger of accusation and let me tell you it was not funny.
Contact is acceptable on the arm between the elbow and the shoulder and THAT IS ALL and even this can be misinterpreted.
We can't all be as laid back as we would like to be with our students. It is our upbringing and our respect for the rights of our students not to be molested by what they might interprete as a "dirty old man".
Don't let it be said that TEFL is full of people who are only interested in one thing........... and beer.
Trust is a very difficult commodity to regain once lost.
(rather longer than expected, brevity is not my forte today)

[James Stunell]

A call to arms to put a stop to all this touchery-feelery? I like the sound of that! �Unthreatening�; �kneel down�; �group therapy�; �discover your inner child� YUK!YUK! YUK! When I was doing my diploma, one of the set books �Readings in Teacher Development� (can�t remember the authors and I�ve since put the book in a safe place where it can do no harm) was full of this sort of codswallop � all of it designed and intended for the sort of teacher who regards himself as a �facilitator� or an �enabler� or any one of those bloody awful labels that people give to themselves in an attempt to disguise the fact that they haven�t got the force of personality to assert their authority or maintain discipline.
Such teachers have long existed. I remember them and their buttock-clenchingly embarrassing techniques from my own schooldays; they were the ones dodging paper aeroplanes and trying to make themselves heard over the �wugadugadug� noises we were all making with our plastic rulers. And who do I remember with more affection now? Those who encouraged us to �express ourselves� and run riot, or those that �bullied� their class into maintaining an atmosphere in which they could teach effectively? The latter, of course, even if they were masters of subjects that I simply couldn�t get the hang of. After all, my board-rubber-hurling, back-of-the-head-slapping maths teacher did me a big favour in the long run; to heap praise where no praise is due is a cruel and dangerous deception. By making me aware, early on, that I was never going to be able to add up my own darts score without the aid of an electronic calculator, he allowed me to ditch any unrealistic dreams I may have had of becoming an astronomer or a rocket scientist and to concentrate on what I was good at. And some people are just useless at everything. Really. Let�s just get used to it. A loser is always going to be a loser and all the lily-livered, goatee-bearded, sandal-wearing, placenta-baking, bleeding heart (thanks, John, I nearly forgot that one) tree-huggers are not going to change that one iota.
All of which doesn�t mean that we don�t care about our students. Of course I care! If I don�t do a good job, they�re going to go to the competition. And so that means taking Krashen�s affective filter (if you believe in it) into consideration � to a point. If I sense that my students� filter is up then I might ditch the heavy grammar I had planned and do something lighter. But while I�m very sorry if Roberta�s granny has snuffed it, I�m dammed if I�m going to throw my lesson plan out of the window and have a group therapy session instead. Clearly Roberta felt up to coming to class, so she�ll just have to soldier on along with the rest of them.
And, for heaven�s sake, let�s ditch all this ridiculous pretence about losing sleep over our students� progress. I�m sorry, but I don�t believe you. I�m quite a caring chap but I certainly don�t go home worrying all weekend about Pasquale�s inability to grasp the present perfect. I worry that I haven�t paid the electricity bill; that my wife�s going to lose her job; that I�ve got to take my pet dog to the vet�s; that the rain is going to spoil my barbecue. If I�m having a particularly easy time of things, then I might even worry that Napoli football club is finally going to run out of luck and be relegated to Serie C, or that Michael Schumacher�s Ferrari won�t be able to compete with Montoya�s BMW.
Work is work and home is home and that goes for the classroom too. That�s why I don�t believe that my students should know what my politics are, whether I believe in God etc. etc. and I would fear that there was something seriously amiss with the professional teacher-student relationship if they felt free to ask me about such things. And if any of them came and hugged me they would probably spit teeth and no mistake!

[Gordon]

[Lynn]

I don't like the term "touch-feely", because I am the type of person who hates hugging/shaking hands/kissing, but I am definitely one of the teachers who "cuddles" the students emotionally. I am very intuned to the students. Pairs work is random, but I'll change a pair if I know they do not get along.

I once had a girl from Spain with an eating disorder. I was going to do a lesson on food/eating. (such a good one for level one), but decided to skip it. Friday came around and I had extra time since I skipped that lesson, so I decided to do it. The student ended up leaving in the middle of class. I felt terrible. I called her a few times at her convent, but the nuns said she couldn't come the phone.

On Monday, I asked her what had happened. She apologized for leaving, and thanked me for calling her.

Situations like this are not unusal. I teach in New York City. Many students are here away from their families. They turn to me to ask about how to pay a phone bill and how to survive in New York. I also learn from them since I"m not a New Yorker, either.

I definitely make my classroom a warm and soft place to fall after a hard day's work in New York City. I tell my students over and over that it's okay to make mistakes in the classroom, I'll correct you. Part of my teachng is also how to ask for something in a big voice. I tell them that no one will help you if you are lost and you whipser, "Where is the subway?" People in NYC will just keep walking.