Job Discussion Forums

[Honky Nick]

Just wondering if our transient lifestyles are compatible with long-lasting marriage.

How did you all go?

[roym]

Well I have lived in a back of beyond backwater in Australia now for 14 years. Married 12 of those to my wife who was widowed with 2 young lads now 21 and 20 yrs old.
They've got the heck out of this hole now but my wife has no intention of moving. Trapped in comfort zone for too long. Come with me to Vietnam and teach English....more chance of plaiting fog!!!

Well, end of the road looks nigh cos I ain't wasting any more of my life in this narrow minded nightmare......Good Morning Vietnam!!!

[GambateBingBangBOOM]

[Honky Nick]

That's true - not everyone changes countries every couple of years. I live in Hong Kong and many of my friends are happily married and some will raise their children here.

Nevertheless, teaching overseas, whether for 10 months or 10 years, is bound to have a significant (positive or negative) impact on relationships. I'm just curious about everyone else's experiences. Are you a teaching couple, travelling around the world together? Did you ditch your husband and teach ESL in Japan for ten years only to fall in love with a kind-hearted 7-11 clerk named Hiroshi? Did you leave your wife after falling in love with a student?

Maybe I should have created two topics:

ESL Love Stories
ESL Divorce Stories

Maybe I could steal them all and publish a book. Pardon me - I think I've had too much coffee this morning.

[Marcoregano]

Going into TEFL certainly resulted in marriage for me. Before coming to Asia I hadn't come anywhere near getting married - in fact, I had only had a few fleeting relationships. I met my wife almost immediately after coming to Asia - on the EPIK programme in Korea (I'm British, she's from the US) - and then we came to HK together two years later. As I didn't have a work visa for HK it made sense for us to get married, as I would then have a 'dependant' work visa via her visa (as she was working for the government). So we got married for pragmatic reasons shortly after arriving in HK - neither of us is a great believer in the institution of marriage.

However, I agree with the OP that living together overseas, especially if you originate from different countries, puts a lot of strain on the marriage. For starters, visiting our respective parents together effectively takes up most of our summer hols, and is also expensive. And deciding where and when to go after HK - very tricky indeed!

I often think that if I had not met my wife, I'd probably have worked in many Asian countries. Then again, I might have married a Korean, had kids and still be in Korea. It's pointless speculating I guess, but given my natural roaming instincts, I suspect that my marriage has resulted in a more settled life (in the years since) than I would otherwise have had.

[Nabby Adams]

I think TEFL gives those who were less able to find a partner back home but wanted to settle down more chances of doing so. It also reduces the chances that those who would rather spend their life a swinging single would settle for marriage out of fear etc than if they had stayed home. It is just too easy to stay single but never lonely in Asia for example.

[naturegirl321]

I never wanted to get married and just wanted to travel. I've now been married for three years, have a house, car, and plan for kids in a couple years.

I don't know if it's TEFL that causes divorce, I think it's the way things are in the world. I have three friends who divorced, one's only 22, the others are about 28. One's remarried and is happy. I think you have to do a lot of thinking before you get married.

[Mike_2007]

[naturegirl321]

Divorce isn't easy. It takes four years here. Two living apart and two for the paperwork.

[Mike_2007]

[ESL Hobo]

My POV as a guy,

I'd say it's just as easy to fall in love and get married "in the far east" as it is to live the single life, for a guy.

Also it depends, if a tefl trekking dude with wonderlust marries someone who wants to rooted forever in one place, there are going to be problems.

If 2 tefl trekkers get married, they stand a chance at a longer relationship, but may fight over where to go next, hahahaha.

Statistically, the 2 highest causes of divorce are infidelity and lack of funds. What are the chances of a freewheeling tefler having trouble in both of those catagories. But as someone pointed out there are a lot more teflers settling down abroad nowadays.

I have met some guys that come to asia with their western wives(young couples out for adventure) and it usually ends up the guy gets seduced by some asian chick who doesnt give a rats a** if he is married or not, LOL.

Great question and will have loads of differing answers, good luck your book on Tefler Romances and Marriage.

[naturegirl321]

[Marcoregano]

[naturegirl321]

[Mike_2007]

Ah, visas....the modern day dowery