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Teacher in Rome · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Posts: 1286

No quickie marriage or divorce in Italy either. Up to 6 months for the paperwork for the first, 3 years for the second. I got married because we bought a house and I wanted my OH to inherit my half should I die first, rather than allowing my potentially rapacious family to inherit and kick him out (strange inheritance laws in Italy).

We've been together for years and years, and lived outside the UK for most of our time together, though he's not a teacher. But I had a long-term relationship split up while living in Hong Kong. My then boyfriend was not to blame (i.e. he didn't go off with anyone) but HK was always known as a place where relationships could get rocky.

Personally, I think that the secret of a successful relationship is the same whether you are both at home / both abroad / or in a long-distance relationship. And that secret? Ask ten people and you'll get ten different answers. But having commitment (whether or not you're married) is probably the most fundamental. Oh, and accepting each other's weaknesses without trying to change or correct them. Oops - in danger of writing up a top-ten list...

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 9:43 pm Post subject:

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject:

Regrettably, nobody ever catches up. We all keep getting older at the same time. And some days I really feel it. Shocked

I always figured I'd be single forever...but somehow, it didn't happen that way.

Best,
Justin

riggo8381 · Joined: 23 Feb 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Fort Worth, Texas

[quote="ESL Hobo"]I have met some guys that come to asia with their western wives(young couples out for adventure) and it usually ends up the guy gets seduced by some asian chick who doesnt give a rats a** if he is married or not, LOL.

I am glad my wife does not scower these forums as regularly as I do (albiet I never post...) We have been talking about getting into this field for several years now, and in 2009 my dream will finally come true. I just dont want her to hear things like this for good reason LOL Cool

johnslat · Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 2:42 pm Post subject:

Dear ESL Hobo,

ESL Hobo: "I have met some guys that come to asia with their western wives(young couples out for adventure) and it usually ends up the guy gets seduced by some asian chick who doesnt give a rats a** if he is married or not, LOL."

And then there's a situation that, in my experience, is even more common: a Western (male) teacher marries a lovely Asian lady, only to discover a while later that East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet

Well, that's way TOO general, but I know of a lot of cases where "cultural clash" has played a large part in destroying marriages.

Regards,
John

GambateBingBangBOOM · Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 2021 Location: Japan

Jati · Joined: 11 Mar 2008 Posts: 155

JZer · Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 3898 Location: Pittsburgh

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

YOu forgot
HOw many kgs are you?
How much do you make?

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

Asian women don't only ask potential partners/boyfriends that question (are you married?). They ask it of women as well:)
Status is All.

MO39 · Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 7:20 pm Post subject:

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

I don't really know what the standards are - I just know that I've had to address the kinds of questions we consider culturally appropriate in English-speaking countries countless times with Asian students, for whom age and marital status seems to be critical information in any group situation.

I haven't worked in any Asian country, just with immigrants, foreign and exchange students. I'm contentedly ignorant on this particular question:)

I'll be pleased for someone more knowledgeable on the issue to enlighten me. I just recognize it as a pattern of behavior that's jarring in most Western cultures.

thelmadatter · Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 1:22 am Post subject: divorced

my status is not there... currently divorced

Got divorced in 2001 when I was starting my masters program. Married 14 years. Spent 13 of them just hanging in there. Ex wasnt a monster or anything, but neither was he good. (however, I did get from him what very very few ever get from ex's.. an apology!)

Anyway. Im of mixed mind about marriage. It does not guarantee anything, but on the other hand, if youre gonna have kids and the other says "its just a piece of paper" I gotta wonder.

If youre not going to have kids with the other... than I think the "piece of paper" thing is just fine.

Based on my own experience, I think that marriage does change the relationship. You go from being two individuals that relate to each other to "family" Family expectations can be complex (like how to raise the kids and religion) to the simple. One example of the simple from my marriage was whether or not you ask the other if s/he wants something to drink when you go to the fridge to get something for yourself. I was raised that you did, my ex was not raised this way. Actually, that was a symptom of a bigger dysfunction. I was raised that family gives to each other and in his family each demanded from each other.

While we were dating, this clash of dynamics wasnt really an issue... when we were married, it was, because our different tendencies came out stronger when we became a "household" with that family notion in our heads.

Secondly, despite the fact that my decision to leave was well thought out and I dont regret it 7 years since... divorce was hell. I didnt sleep for months and if it wasnt for support groups, F2F and online, I probably would have gone nuts. (still did some nutty things even with the support!) Got great advice too. If it were just a piece of paper, I dont think divorce support groups would exist.

Tensne1 · Joined: 03 Dec 2008 Posts: 19

I'm new here (actually, I've been lurking for about five years) -- and unsure of the protocol... This is not a response to the current thread. FYI

Sprial78, I read in a Middle East forum on Dave's ESL Cafe a post of yours, though I don't recall even the approx. date. You were headed to Qatar with a dog in tow. I'm trying for exactly that. Were you able to get housing that permits dogs in Qatar -- if you went?

Thanks!