Job Discussion Forums

senor boogie woogie

Hola!

Has anyone ever farted while teaching class, either by accident or on purpose? Purpose means an unruly class that you want to get back at.

Once in Korea I was teaching children when I had to fart. i went across the small room and quietly let it out. I returned and the smell followed. One of my little girls goes "Teacher Senor 'pongoo'?" heeheeheeheehee, by everyone else.

If nothing else, you know the Korean word for fart. The Chinese word is 'fampi'.

Senor

been_there · Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 284 Location: 127.0.0.1

Got one better for you:

I was teaching in a small village in Nepal and had bacterial dysentery. In case anyone out there is unaware of what bacterial dysentery does, imagine the worse case of the hot-squats you have ever had, then multiply it by a million (shades of Trainspotting here...).

Anyway, I was teaching (between sprints to the out house), and every time I would turn around to write on the board, the students would laugh and giggle. I thought they were just being rude, and told them to hush up and concentrate on modal verbs ("I musn't fill my keks.").

So I get home and upon disrobing, find out what the humor is about: the seat of my breeches has a brown spot on it the size of a water buffalo. I'd been teaching all day with a doodie stain on my pants. Makes me glad it was a tiny little village in the Himals......

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

I apologize sincerely to both of you, but right now I am laughing my a$$ off!

Thankfully, I've had no such experiences, although I'm sure I'm jinxing myself by saying so. I'll let you know if my luck changes.

d

gugelhupf · Joined: 24 Jan 2004 Posts: 575 Location: Jabotabek

Such a frivolous post but can't resist joining... I remember one occasion when I had been stuggling to contain myself, as it were, while teaching a small group in a very quiet room. It became necesary to lift the OHP and move it away from some other equipment. Unfortunately my brain can only cope with one task at a time and manoeuvring an OHP as well as holding back the inevitable was all too much. The sound was like ripping canvas and the students howled with laughter.

Lanza-Armonia · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:20 am Post subject:

I think my young kids smell enough without myself contributing to it.

End of convo...

LA

arioch36 · Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 3589

Stop, you guys are killing me. Knock on wood, nothing horrible (that I know of...except chalk throat. Whether because of the chalk, or because of the whether, this year I always have to carry supplies for blowing my nose, and sometimes I just have to hack those bad buggers out.

Yesterday morning, I went to blow my nose big time, searching my pockets for anything useful in which to put these excreted viscous materials,...nada.

Of course, I could do as the Chinese, just pinch of one nostril, an blow them nasty snots to the ground, or out the window onto any passer-by.

Don't mean to be gross, but what would you have done? Grabbed a piece of paper from the student, and snort it on that, as more polite students do?

gingermeggs · Joined: 29 Jan 2004 Posts: 162

Senor.... The Chinese for fart is FENG PI..literally "wind bum"....I speak from experience, but never(touch wood) in the classroom.

bayabule · Joined: 05 Feb 2004 Posts: 82 Location: East Java Indonesia

This is gross, but I can't resist...
The standard practice for this type of situation is the popular "walk around the room "monitoring" whilst slowly letting it out then return to your seat asap and affect a face of puzzlement and innocence if the students bring it up, thus placing the blame on one of the students"
Of course, as a lady, I rarely let off and if I do it usually smells of fresh roses.
I accidentally used the above technique once in a hot, stuffy, windowless computer classroom with 20 adult German students. I should have left the room and I can't remember why I didn't. It was a silent but deadly, and I didn't expect the evil stench that resulted. One poor guy got the blame and the students insisted that we go outside for a cigarette break until the smell had gone away. So everyone was a winner! Curiously the guy who got the blame didn't deny it so I've often wondered if it was a combination of him and me, or just his that stank. Too many bratwursts at lunch methinks.

waxwing · Joined: 29 Jun 2003 Posts: 719 Location: China

LOL Bayabule that was CLASSIC! Laughing

Your 'Of course, as a lady, I rarely let off and if I do it usually smells of fresh roses.' reminded me of one of my favourite Martin Amis lines about a beautiful lady:
'To look at her you would swear she s.hits chocolate ice cream..'

This thread needs more posts!

bayabule · Joined: 05 Feb 2004 Posts: 82 Location: East Java Indonesia

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

Openly blame the class clown. Or if you feel you wouldn't be able to get away with it. Make your excuses to leave the class(need to get a new board marker) walk down wing, let rip, return to the class and no damage has been done.

WARNING never ever fart while standing in front of a fan or a/c. The results can be disasterous.

Lanza-Armonia · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 3:12 pm Post subject:

Is that advice from experience dmb?

LA

khmerhit · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 3:16 pm Post subject:

The Cambodian word is 'poum'. As in "TEACHER POUM!!!!!!"
YRS RESIGNEDLY
KHMERHIT

Teacher in Rome · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Posts: 1286

I once shared a student house with a bloke who could fart silently and unobtrusively, and I can attest to the fact that his farts were horrible. They'd melt the lining of your nose.

Anyway, he used to travel about a lot on London Underground, which is a bit notorious for stopping in the middle of tunnels, with all the carriage lights going out. He proudly told me that on one of these occasions he had to fart, which he did "silently and violently". Within a couple of seconds, from the pitch black of the compartment, a London voice complained "some dirty cahnt's farted" (you'll have to imagine the glottal stops) and this friend of mine was really chuffed. Not only could he fart and inflict maximum damage, but he could also smirk and nobody would know it was him. Childish really...

gugelhupf · Joined: 24 Jan 2004 Posts: 575 Location: Jabotabek

On a (marginally) more serious note I understand that a key symptom of giardiasis is positively vile flatulence that lasts for ages. I'd hate to pick up a dose of that on my travels.

I find a few of the personal habits of undergraduate students rather more of a problem than the occasional bit of wind. I was reminded today of the words of the late Joyce Grenfell who described a man blowing his nose in "a particularly determined and exploratory manner".