Job Discussion Forums

[Dragonsheart]

Hi everyone

I was just pondering if anyone has as a teacher been hit upon by one of their student/s??

In the sense of Flirting , being asked out for drinks, being asked out for a date etc......

How did you handle the situation? Did you oblige or not?

Thanks in advance

[Jetgirly]

When I taught in-company Business English in Italy I was twenty-one and most of my students were men in their thirties. Tons of them asked me out and I frequently accepted. I only declined in the truly creepy situations, whereas if the student was a decent (unmarried) guy I would accept his invitiation but play the totally-oblivious we're-just-friends act. Even when there was a spark I kept things very casual and had only positive experiences. My employer certainly knew that sex sells- it was the young female teachers who ended up all over the city teaching for auto makers, engineering companies, banks, law firms, the military, etc. while the older male teachers typically worked in the school teaching one-to-one classes with bored housewives.

I now teach ESL in a junior high and it's non-issue. Some of the boys obviously have crushes on me but I just totally ignore it all and make sure I'm never, ever, ever alone with any of them. Facebook friend request? Denied. Birthday party invitiation (seriously!)? Sorry, I'm busy. Phone call on my landline from someone with the same last name as a student? Ooops, didn't get to the phone on time!

[jdl]

Great advice Jetgirly! Good analysis of the sexual politics of business.

Adult student/teacher relationships are shoal strewn and require careful navigation. It is the teacher who takes it if/when it all goes sideways. Carefully, carefully!

Of course adult teacher and adolescent student relationships are the stuff of the tabloids with no end to personal, professional and legal complications.

It just ain't worth it.

I have not seen this topic broached before; but I am quite new to the forum. A brave question. My experience tells me it is an issue that is 'not talked about' openly?

[Glenski]

It's certainly a sensitive topic here. Tread lightly, everyone! Some people write in to ask how to manage landing such dates, instead of how to act.

Being in a JHS or SHS situation is not always a safe one, either. I know of a few teachers who have dated such students.

Beware of any student-teacher relationships. I know some that have ended in blissful marriage, but I also know of others that spelled disaster for the teacher.
Stalkers are out there.
If a relationship goes sour, there's a risk of it being made public at your company.
Even if the relationship is good, you don't want to run the risk of the employer knowing that it is taking place. Some have specific rules prohibiting fraternizing, and even if they are not enforceable, you will still risk a boss' wrath for breaking them. That could mean no renewal for next year's contract.

[Jetgirly]

[Glenski]

You don't think she's the only one, do you?

[Northern Sol]

[BobbyBan]

[BocaNY]

I was wondering the same thing.
What if your local friends wind up taking a class that you are teaching? What would you do then, since you knew them before hand?
What if it was someone you are dating or were dating?
Also what about seeing your students out at the bar or club?

All things to ponder and know how to handle, I think, when you teach ESL.

[mozzar]

I think it's fine if you see a student out in town and go for a drink as it's not a classroom situation. But arranging to meet up/go for a date on company time is a no no.

I give out my work email address that students can email if they have any problems. But thankfully none have thus far.

[BobbyBan]

[sollettspain]

An important area for discussion, and one which is often avoided because the 'grey area' is so big.
I do think that as soon as the relationship changes from 'student/teacher' to something else, problems can arise. Can you really maintain objectivity when assessing a students educational needs if your relationship has begun to develop into a friendship.
Worse still, a dating relationship - as these tend to be finite, with a beginning, middle and an end and this will cause all sorts of complications for everyone - the teacher, the student, the other students and of course the school. The simplest thing, I think, is just not to do it.

I don't have any problem with students having my email address though. I occasionally exchange emails with my students, maybe following up some language point from the classroom by sending them a related link for example.
But I see this as part of the teacher/student relationship, not something outside the student/teacher relationship.
Likewise, I have occasionally gone for a coffee after a business class, but I still regard this as part of the student/teacher relationship.

[jdl]

If we regard ourselves as a professional group perhaps a look at the codes of ethics and conduct of other professions could be enlightening. What do lawyers, doctors, health care professionals, therapists, counsellors et al have on the subject of 'client relationships' that may bring some perspective.

Of course some would argue that we are neither a profession nor professional and therefore have no need for such codes. I guess it comes down to how we regard ourselves and acting accordingly.

[Justin Trullinger]

It isn't just doctors, lawyers, or counselors.

Teachers, in most countries, have codes of conduct. Even teachers of adults, for example, in a university setting, aren't generally allowed involvement with students they teach and evaluate!

Best,
Justin

PS- I do occasionally socialize with a class of students; like our once a semester karaoke party. But only with the group as a whole, in controlled situations. I would NOT go out individually with one particular student.

[jdl]

Many Professional Codes of Conduct for teachers also prohibit tutoring for pay those students who are in a teacher's class/course assignment.