Job Discussion Forums

missjones · Joined: 02 Mar 2009 Posts: 23 Location: Florida

As the end of my undergraduate career approaches and I start to patch together some plans for my so-called future, I'm starting to realize how dismally incompatible my goals are with my current 4-year relationship.

So I thought I'd open up a thread to see what other people have to say about this. I'm not looking for advice, I'm just curious to hear stories from other people who found themselves in situations where ESL and wanderlust complicated their love life.

As for me, I know I'm only going to resent him if I start compromising.

Gringo Greg · Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 11:33 pm Post subject:

Don't worry about things being incompatible, only worry after it has become incompatible. In other words, what you think might be incompatible now may not be when you are actually doing what you want to do.

Marcoregano · Joined: 19 May 2003 Posts: 872 Location: Hong Kong

Back in the UK in the mid 90s, my then girlfriend brought our relationship to a swift conclusion moreorless as soon as she found out I was intending to go into TEFL. To be honest though I don't think we would have lasted much longer in any case.

About a year and a half later, on my first week as a teacher in Asia, I met my wife.

Great_Leader_of_ESL · Joined: 15 Apr 2009 Posts: 6

I am currently in a similar situation.

My current fiance is Japanese whom I met while I was teaching in the public schools in Osaka. As I wish to attend graduate school on line and the salary in a public school ALT dispatch job will not allow me to do this, I have recently moved to Seoul. My fiance's father is insistent that I have a very stable, reliable income before we get married and my fiance is not willing to contradict this. Although I understand what he is thinking and can't really say he is wrong, (he isn't) this business is filled with uncertainty. I may have to end things with her as I am not willing to wait for her to two to three years while I finish my degree.

The upside is that there are quite a few pretty girls in Seoul, and after a divorce and subsequently losing two children in a car crash, I don't develop that much of an attachment to people. IF I do have to end things, it won't be so bad.

OP: Keep your chin up.

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

It's not necessarily the career one goes into. It's the long-distance relationships.

Most never work out, IMO.

Great_Leader_of_ESL · Joined: 15 Apr 2009 Posts: 6

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:32 pm Post subject:

TEFL has REALLY complicated my love life.

When I went into TEFL, it was completely uncomplicated. I was single, without a serious "anybody" in my life. (Okay, there may have been a couple of "somebodies" now and then, but nothing serious.) It was all quite simple.

Now, after nearly a decade in TEFL, I've been living with another EFL teacher (from a different country than I am) for nearly half the time I've been teaching. And we're getting married this summer. It's a LOT more complicated than being single.

Best,
Jusitn

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

I planned to teach and travel. Meet a guy and have been in Peru five years. I'm not too happy. Three yeras of marriage, but I married the man and he seems to think that I married Peru as well. I'm stuck and trying to leave.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Congratulations, Justin! Very Happy

I've met enough decent-ish guys everywhere I've been, but for various reasons they never worked out. The only time I had to leave anyone was on my way out of Peru--had just gotten engaged, visa was expiring, had loans so literally couldn't afford to stay... It was a difficult good-bye, but once I was away I realized what a colossal mistake I was potentially making and ended it. And have never regretted ending it.

Here in Oman, although I will be here for at least another year and possibly two, I am leery of getting into anything serious because in my heart and mind my stay here is only temporary. But then when I meet guys and just end up in casual non-relationships, I think I want something more permanent. Hmmm.

d

haopengyou · Joined: 02 Mar 2009 Posts: 197

Maybe the ultimate mate is someone who also wants to be a tefl teacher Smile

Ohhhhhhh Daaaaaaavvvvveee...is it time to start a new forum here? Wink

Teacher in Rome · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Posts: 1286

Both times I left the UK to go travelling / teaching, I took my bloke with me. Separated from the first after we'd been together 8 years (4 of those abroad) and married the second after we'd been together 9 years (7 of those abroad). It's not so much the being abroad which counts, as being with the right person.

I would have gone on my own both times, but the bloke insisted on tagging along... Maybe I couldn't be trusted on my own, or maybe it was because I only ever tend to fall in love with blokes who also want to leave the UK. To the OP: if your sig other also relishes the idea of getting out and about, learning new languages and cultures, then maybe you also see eye to eye on other things = good chance of a happy relationship.

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

Getting into EFL can mean that you spend your life as a pedagogical nomad, a travelling scholar.

You could take an oath of celibacy............

I married twice.....and divorced twice. No plans for a third time.

johnslat · Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 5:22 pm Post subject:

Dear scot47,
Don't close the door - the "third times a charm" works for me.
Regards,
John

Shelly123 · Joined: 26 Jun 2009 Posts: 8 Location: Sydney, Australia

I think this is tough. I met someone when I was 'ready' to give up the crazy lifestyle of travel and teaching but what if I'd needed to make a choice between the wanderlust or love? I'm not sure which way I would have gone...

livinginkorea · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 22 Location: South Korea

My wife and I met each other when we were teaching business English in Korea. Haven't looked back since. Now a days, she takes care of our son, I work for an university in Korea and we have our eyes set on Europe in a few years time. It's possible to be a TEFLer and to be married too but like all relationships you have to work at it. If it's meant to be then it's meant to be but never give up hope.