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Critique request
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:24 am    Post subject: Critique request Reply with quote

Hello all,

I am in the process of writing a book for Oral and Listening English aimed at Chinese children about 11-12 years old. The book title is Young Speaker. I would appreciate your feedback and critique.

Below is pdf file of the first two lessons.
http://www.floridaxuexiao.com/book/sample.pdf

Thanks much
Sridhar
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Cairnsman



Joined: 22 Jun 2009
Posts: 203

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 10:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a look at pages 1 � 3.

Ear exercises?

Beginning sentences with conjunctions?

Nonsensical sentences (Feel the key with your teeth)?

Incorrect use of articles (� go to the small house)?

Missing articles (Please meet me and my teacher on <the> sixteenth)?

The dialogue between Bob and James is sooo unnatural.
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Cairnsman,

Thanks very much for your critique. I will improve on them.

Sridhar
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,

Some more information about the lessons:

The first section has a fill in the blanks where the text is read one or two times. It also has a dictation.

The second section is mainly pronunciation and warms up the student to start talking.

The third section requires one or two sentence answers using the student's imagination.

The fourth section requires much longer speeches.

The fifth is related to stories - either the students look at pictures and make a story or the teacher tells a simple story 2 times. The students listen and then practice telling the story.

The last section is games using oral English.

One lesson is designed to be completed in 2 periods. There is also a teacher's book that guides the teacher.

Other flaws that have already been pointed to me are - adding pronunciation for the new words and the word form (verb, noun, etc) and making the document more beautiful.

I appreciate everyone's time and effort.
Sridhar
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nobleignoramus



Joined: 17 Jul 2009
Posts: 208
Location: On the road

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can't open that website - for technical reasons.

Judging by comments made above I wonder: Is it a TEXTBOOK?

How about the inclusion of VISUALS insaid book?

Personally I consider the words 'book' and'oral English' irreconcilable with each other. So-called 'oral' classes should be conducted orally, i.e. without books. If books are resorted to, these should be illustrated ones.No need to use wholesentences. Show cartoons or other pictures, list (new) verbs, nouns, adjectives etc., and let the kids experiment with new vocables. No translation would be needed. Students should then practise all relevant grammar structures, such as subject-verb agreement, tenses, numbers.

Inserting whole sentences would confuse students who might think they must memorise them, then rehearse them again and again.
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 2:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi nobleignoramus,

Not sure why some folks are not able to access the file. Its a pdf file, maybe that's the reason?

Its a "textbook" but I have kept text to a minimum. Many of the exercises give some guidance and let the teacher and students talk. In the beginning I was afraid it would be a thin book because there wasn't much text in the book. But now with the addition of pictures etc. its ok. The teacher's book will be much thicker than the students book.

Regards,
Sridhar
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tatsuo1



Joined: 11 Jun 2009
Posts: 75

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 2:50 pm    Post subject: re: textbook Reply with quote

I think your attempt at this is nothing more than your idea of money-making.
Your text indicates that English is not your primary language. So why are attempting such a textbook? Surely there are plenty of useless books already in China for oral English?
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Tatsuo for your comment. Actually English IS my primary language. The material has actually been used successfully!!

Sridhar
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alter ego



Joined: 24 Mar 2009
Posts: 209

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 7:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First, A+ for effort and bravery. Putting your work on the chopping block here takes courage. Your "book" is passable, more of a workbook or desktop publishing project, but if it's your first try at self-publishing it's not a bad start. At least you're trying, and you've gotta start someplace, right?

The first "Ear Exercise" (I get it, cute but it's not really a listening activity, is it?) could use a Word Bank or Box, where the vocab words are listed.

Be careful with your directions; keep it simple and use graded language. For example, in your first Words, Words, Words (A second comma is needed after the second "Words," so double check your grammar) your directions are:

Practice pronouncing the words below. How about: Say the following words. This is called using graded language; use words that are appropriate to the level of the students. No need to throw the word pronouncing at them, is there?

Then, in Think and Speak (which I like) your directions are:

Use your imagination and give simple answers to the questions below. How about: Answer the following questions. Imagination is a big word for this level and not easy to define. No need to use the word simple. Most, if not all of their answers are going to be simple, aren't they?

In the Lesson Two Think and Speak you write: Something is happening. Say why and explain the situation.

How about: Say why. No need to throw explain the situation at them. I like the big question mark, but I think a picture of "what's happening" would make it easier for students to get the task. Since there's no picture, what you're really asking them to do is say what they think is happening. Also, it's a speaking activity for present continuous, but then your third question is present simple. Be consistent.

I don't have time to go through the entire workbook, and I don't want to give you just negative comments, either. Overall grade: C+. Keep going and doing your best, and above all, enjoy the process.
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Hansen



Joined: 13 Oct 2008
Posts: 737
Location: central China

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't read the material; however, if the mistakes are so numerous that readers assume English is not your first language, you've got problems. As previously stated, there are plenty of useless books full of mistakes floating around China.

If you are just making a book for your own use as a teacher, have at it.
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi alter ego,

Thanks very much for your comments. I am also an artist, so I am very used to critiques. Anything new will be torn to pieces especially by the armchair crowd.

This is a first cut. I have mainly focused on the big picture and many of the details, as you have rightly pointed out need to be improved. This is one of the reasons that I have asked for a review.

I have also got professional critiques and they are far more positive than the ones here. One has to wonder why!!

Anyway, thanks again and I will improve upon them.
Sridhar
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svrart



Joined: 04 Jun 2003
Posts: 42
Location: Lanzhou, Gansu, China

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Hansen,

When one asks for a critique its etiquette not to pick fights with the reviewer even if s/he is completely wrong. Some have pointed out grammatical mistakes, a few of them are really mistakes but many others are not. The readers have not taken the time to read carefully!!! I want to keep the thread going in a natural way, so in general I don't want to disagree with others even if they are obviously wrong. I believe in "Listen to all, but do your own thing"

The second point - I have won state awards for outstanding teaching in schools where other foreign teachers have been fired. So I know I have a good methodology. Now I am putting it in print. Its not perfect but it will get there. I know I have to improve and I will make sure I do. I will certainly not let the naysayers decide the outcome.

Thanks for sharing,
Sridhar
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China.Pete



Joined: 27 Apr 2006
Posts: 547

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:48 am    Post subject: An Effort to Meet Real Student Needs Reply with quote

"Personally, I consider the words 'book' and 'oral English' irreconcilable with each other." -- Noble Ignoramus

It's called "learner support," and going without it is a lot like high-wire walking without a net, aerobatic flying without a parachute, high-rise construction without a safety line... It would seem to have more to do with machismo on the part of the FT, and the relative lack of respect they command at many Chinese schools, than any inherent pedagogical benefits. But what is the point, when real learners struggling through a class they can just barely understand, often as not with an inexperienced FT, can use all the support they can get?

Alter Ego makes some very constructive points, Sridhar. Good luck with the rest of your critics!
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theincredibleegg



Joined: 01 Jul 2008
Posts: 224

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 11:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To those of you who are bashing the work of this guy, have you ever made anything better yourselves?

Response:

In all, you need to contextualize the language more. People pick up language when they can relate it to a certain situation or task that doesn't just involve the language itself.

You should also keep in mind that learning to speak English is not just about asking and answering questions, it also informs thinking and solving problems (unless you're just drilling something).

Here are a few examples of things you can improve:

Your book(?) would benefit from having more barrier-exercises. You could easily turn exercise 1.3 into a barrier-exercise by having 3-4 different picture of kids riding a bike, playing football etc.

Student 1: Thinks of a picture
Student 2: Asks questions about the pictures in order to find out which picture student one is thinking of.

Remember that everything your students are doing should end in something: A class survey, a solved word-puzzle, a crossed barrier, a story etc. Students tend to become unmotivated by just using language for the sake of it.

I like the story exercise at the end. But I think it needs more support. You need to make more lead-ins. Add some pre-tasks where the student lists things he/she can see; what the character is doing and what the character is thinking about etc. After that, you need something that leads the student into using a certain grammar-point for each picture.

Similar things can be said about lesson 2.3.
"A man is running. Why?"
"Billy is smiling. Why?"
In order for a students to give good answers to these questions, they must know something about Billy and all the other kids. I suggest you make a story in form a cartoon (so that you can load off language, but still keep the story rich). Attach the questions to the cartoon and add an acting-task, and maybe an empty square where the children can continue the story.

Finally, i find your whole project pretty cool. Keep doing it Smile
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ttorriel



Joined: 13 Oct 2008
Posts: 193

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No offense to anyone, but this is exactly the kind of thing that should be "bashed"

He asked for an evaluation of his work. We're not talking about the morons who attack posts on the forum, spelling, etc. We're talking about something he intends to publish/use and so it should be as near-perfect as possible. I also got the impression, as others did, that the author was not a native English speaker.

This kind of work should be bashed, so as to make it as proper as possible.
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