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Contemplating Matrimony ?
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scot47



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Posts: 15343

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:46 am    Post subject: Contemplating Matrimony ? Reply with quote

To those contemplating matrimony to a Saudi, consider this current news story

http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1&section=0&article=128183&d=8&m=11&y=2009&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Kingdom
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Cleopatra



Joined: 28 Jun 2003
Posts: 3657
Location: Tuamago Archipelago

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
The Canadian Foreign Ministry has declined to become involved according to an e-mail sent to Durocher by a ministry official because Al-Shahrani�s request is legal under Saudi law. As such, it is �a private, family matter� in which they cannot interfere, the e-mail said.


This is the core of the problem.

Even if your embassy is willing to help (and often they are not) there is next to nothing they can do because such behaviour is permissible under Saudi law. And in choosing to marry a Saudi and live in Saudi Arabia, this woman has given herself no choice but to have to abide by Saudi law.

I know a few women in this horrible situation. Their embassies told them that, while they could probably arrange for them to get the necessary paperwork to leave Saudi Arabia, there was absolutely nothing they could do to help the mother take her children. So these women face the stark choice of either going to their home country without their children, or remaining in KSA indefinitely.

And the moral of this story is? Do some very thorough research on family law if you intend to marry someone from a different country. Particularly if you intend having children and taking up residence in his/her country.
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littleoldlady



Joined: 06 Apr 2009
Posts: 286
Location: knitting heaven

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Been there, done that, got the T shirt ripped off my back trying to escape Sad
We were very, very, very lucky and I thank God for that. However, it's the PTSD which never goes away.

I was naive and thought love would conquer all. Try telling that to your Embassy.

Of course I did escape cos I am here telling the tale.
Laughing Laughing
However, my daughters would be under lock and key if I thought they were going to follow in my unlucky footsteps Laughing Laughing

I feel pain for such women caught in this situation. Just reading that article has made me need to lie down in a darkened room.
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Mia Xanthi



Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 955
Location: why is my heart still in the Middle East while the rest of me isn't?

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
And the moral of this story is? Do some very thorough research on family law if you intend to marry someone from a different country. Particularly if you intend having children and taking up residence in his/her country.


Although I know several women who have chosen the path of marrying a Saudi, my advice would be to not even consider marrying a Saudi if he also insists on taking you to Saudi Arabia. If you marry and stay in the U.S., that is one thing. If you marry him and he takes you back to KSA, you risk losing every freedom you have as well as losing your precious children. To me, that's way too much to risk, even for love.
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Never Ceased To Be Amazed



Joined: 22 Oct 2004
Posts: 3500
Location: Shhh...don't talk to me...I'm playin' dead...

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol: Breath in.. breath out...breath in...breath out...yer good ta go!

All my luv, luv...

NCTBA
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007



Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 2684
Location: UK/Veteran of the Magic Kingdom

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mia Xanthi wrote:
To me, that's way too much to risk, even for love.

Teta Mia, do you really believe in love? Laughing
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 13859
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear 007,

" . . . . do you really believe in love?"

007, do you really believe in God?

Regards,
John
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007



Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 2684
Location: UK/Veteran of the Magic Kingdom

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

johnslat wrote:
Dear 007,

" . . . . do you really believe in love?"

007, do you really believe in God?

Regards,
John

Well, john, I not only believe in God, I love God.
(Note that the concept of love used here is completely different from the one used amongst people).
"God loves the repenters; those who love GOD and follow GOD's messenger, those who obey GOD and His messenger".
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 13859
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear 007,

And do you think God (who is the epitome of love) would create a humankind that could not love one another?

Yes, I know there are all kinds of love - but romantic love, the love between two human beings - is the deepest expression of love that we have on this earth.

Regards,
John

When a man loves a woman, he seeks union with her, that is to say the most complete union possible in love, and there is in the elemental sphere no greater union than that between the sexes. [Man's] contemplation of the Reality in woman is the most complete and perfect. . . . Contemplation of the Reality without formal support is not possible. . . . Since, therefore, some form of support is necessary, the best and most perfect kind is the contemplation of God in woman. The greatest union is that between man and woman (Ibn al-`Arabi, 1980: 274-5).

Here is some commentary by John Ryan Haule:

God appears in the objects that he has created, and erotic love provides us the most powerful vision we can attain, enabling us to see through the fleshly object that attracts our eye to the Ultimate Reality lying beyond. Sufism calls this fana', passing away, annihilation. We pass away from the ego's reality in the persona field and pass through our beloved to realize God. This is not God "in Himself," Who is beyond all direct knowing, but God perceived in and through a created being. We need the "support" of a perceptible being in order to gain access to the transcendent realm. The highest form of this, for Ibn al-`Arabi, is the union between a man and a woman in erotic trance.

Also by Ibn al-`Arabi
The divine lover is spirit without body;
The physical lover is body without spirit;
The spiritual lover possesses spirit and body.
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Mia Xanthi



Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 955
Location: why is my heart still in the Middle East while the rest of me isn't?

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Teta Mia, do you really believe in love?


007, I believe that some of us are fortunate enough to find someone else on this earth for whom we desire happiness even more than we desire happiness for ourselves. And some of us are even lucky enough to find someone who feels the same way in return. People who find this kind of relationship are the most blessed on earth.

Therefore, I would have to say that if we define love as this kind of deep and mutual devotion, I believe in it. This kind of love is rare, but it certainly exists.
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Deicide



Joined: 29 Jul 2006
Posts: 1005
Location: Caput Imperii Americani

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone seems to have been able shrug off the horrible condition of being single...how did eveyone get so lucky here? Confused

And in Saudi of all places... Confused
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 13859
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Deicide,

"Of Living Alone--But Not Brooding Too Much About It"
1.
To live alone is to be immensely in charge of the silence
So that, if you have something serious to think about, such as
a problem you have to solve, & are determined to solve,
You'll probably think about that problem long & hard;
& probably (since you're usually able to) uninterruptedly, too

--Perhaps for entire mornings, afternoons, & evenings;
Or indeed, maybe whole days on end!

2.
In fact, if you're living alone & therefore, when you're home,
are--eek! yipes! & oh horrors!--by yourself most of the time,
with only yourself to keep yourself company
(Except of course for an occasional, hopefully tension-relieving, relaxingly welcome guest!)
It's obviously really necessary to concentrate, & reflect,
& think your actions out before you perform them
Since, after all--just in case you foul up on on things--

You're the only one you're going to be able to blame
For things that happen to go wrong!

3.
Certainly, if you're living alone, it's important to choose those friends,
acquaintances (& any lovers, too!) whom you do see,
especially wisely & well
--That is, for their & soothing, & relaxing, & unnannoying qualities
Lest you find yourself entertaining as guests, merely pests
who take advantage of your acquired knack for problem-solving
And who wreck your hard-won peace-of-mind
By passing along endless problems of their own that they haven't solved

--Being, themselves, far too distracted to do so
By those they regularly reside with.

4.
--Being constantly surrounded each day by, for example:

The cheerful confusions of a busily uproarious, merry family; or perhaps,
the ups & downs of an equally boisterous, but argumentative,
& dysfunctional one;
Or perhaps, by the turmoil of overly-talkative, excessively sociable
room-mates who interrupt their concentration constantly
by babbling at them randomly or else coming & going
all the time--shouting helloes & goodbyes & then slamming doors
like big, loony cuckoos popping in & out of cuckoo-clocks;
Or perhaps, by live-in lovers or other close companions, such as spouses,
who all too often, it's been my experience, seem to feel somehow entitled
to interrupt virtually every physical & mental move of their living-partners
By asking what they're doing; & why they're doing it, all the time

--Or by any one of the other various, relatively riotous & (I think)
generally God-awful living-arrangements which humans are
forced into or which, sometimes, they simply accept or inherit
Or which (much to my amazement!), they often
actually willingly create for themselves!

--Most of which, IMHO, tend to befuddle people.

5.
--But individuals living alone should not brood too much about such things, I think
But instead, substitute for such negative, perhaps purely self-defensive,
& possibly unproductive thoughts as those

The positive--& yes! even decidedly festive idea--of carefully selecting their friends
& associates (& sometime in the future, perhaps living-partners too)
Exclusively from among that rare, discriminating, well-focussed, thoughtful,
& IMHO also thoroughly courageous breed of individuals
Who've been responsible for themselves & for themselves alone--with an
absolute minimum of interruptions!--

For at least some few moments, & for at least some continuous time,
Within recent memory."

http://www.angelfire.com/ny/MichaelBenedikt/lvgalo.html

Regards,
John
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Deicide



Joined: 29 Jul 2006
Posts: 1005
Location: Caput Imperii Americani

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

johnslat wrote:
Dear Deicide,

"Of Living Alone--But Not Brooding Too Much About It"
1.
To live alone is to be immensely in charge of the silence
So that, if you have something serious to think about, such as
a problem you have to solve, & are determined to solve,
You'll probably think about that problem long & hard;
& probably (since you're usually able to) uninterruptedly, too

--Perhaps for entire mornings, afternoons, & evenings;
Or indeed, maybe whole days on end!

2.
In fact, if you're living alone & therefore, when you're home,
are--eek! yipes! & oh horrors!--by yourself most of the time,
with only yourself to keep yourself company
(Except of course for an occasional, hopefully tension-relieving, relaxingly welcome guest!)
It's obviously really necessary to concentrate, & reflect,
& think your actions out before you perform them
Since, after all--just in case you foul up on on things--

You're the only one you're going to be able to blame
For things that happen to go wrong!

3.
Certainly, if you're living alone, it's important to choose those friends,
acquaintances (& any lovers, too!) whom you do see,
especially wisely & well
--That is, for their & soothing, & relaxing, & unnannoying qualities
Lest you find yourself entertaining as guests, merely pests
who take advantage of your acquired knack for problem-solving
And who wreck your hard-won peace-of-mind
By passing along endless problems of their own that they haven't solved

--Being, themselves, far too distracted to do so
By those they regularly reside with.

4.
--Being constantly surrounded each day by, for example:

The cheerful confusions of a busily uproarious, merry family; or perhaps,
the ups & downs of an equally boisterous, but argumentative,
& dysfunctional one;
Or perhaps, by the turmoil of overly-talkative, excessively sociable
room-mates who interrupt their concentration constantly
by babbling at them randomly or else coming & going
all the time--shouting helloes & goodbyes & then slamming doors
like big, loony cuckoos popping in & out of cuckoo-clocks;
Or perhaps, by live-in lovers or other close companions, such as spouses,
who all too often, it's been my experience, seem to feel somehow entitled
to interrupt virtually every physical & mental move of their living-partners
By asking what they're doing; & why they're doing it, all the time

--Or by any one of the other various, relatively riotous & (I think)
generally God-awful living-arrangements which humans are
forced into or which, sometimes, they simply accept or inherit
Or which (much to my amazement!), they often
actually willingly create for themselves!

--Most of which, IMHO, tend to befuddle people.

5.
--But individuals living alone should not brood too much about such things, I think
But instead, substitute for such negative, perhaps purely self-defensive,
& possibly unproductive thoughts as those

The positive--& yes! even decidedly festive idea--of carefully selecting their friends
& associates (& sometime in the future, perhaps living-partners too)
Exclusively from among that rare, discriminating, well-focussed, thoughtful,
& IMHO also thoroughly courageous breed of individuals
Who've been responsible for themselves & for themselves alone--with an
absolute minimum of interruptions!--

For at least some few moments, & for at least some continuous time,
Within recent memory."

http://www.angelfire.com/ny/MichaelBenedikt/lvgalo.html

Regards,
John


You always make it seem easier than it is.... Confused
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 13859
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Deicide,

You're right - it's not always easy. But it's simple.

I've been married for only about a decade of my adult life; that left a lot of living alone time.

Regards,
John
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Deicide



Joined: 29 Jul 2006
Posts: 1005
Location: Caput Imperii Americani

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

johnslat wrote:
Dear Deicide,

You're right - it's not always easy. But it's simple.

I've been married for only about a decade of my adult life; that left a lot of living alone time.

Regards,
John


The latter, thou didst not like...
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