Job Discussion Forums

[desert_traveller]

has it happened to you folks that a person who you just met asked you totally openly and unabashedly about your salary? its just so weird to me! i always take it as an insult somehow, as if they considered my salary part of my personal features (which they probably do by the way), when it can also be just pure curiosity, or I DONT KNOW WHAT, and then if you dont answer, they get offended: so you keep secrets from us? not that these would be my most valuable friendships, but still ... just WEIRD
any insights?

[johnslat]

Dear desert_traveller,

I had students ask me what my salary was. Sometimes I used it as a "teachable moment" by explaining that in the USA (and, I think, in the "West" in general,) such a question was almost always considered rude and intrusive, rather like asking a lady her age or asking a married man why he doesn't have any children or why he's so fat.

Or you could say that the employer you work for doesn't permit you to discuss your salary.

Or you could just make up a REALLY BIG number.

Or you could (I sometimes did) just tell them.

I think asking about salary isn't considered "rude" in many Arab societies.

Have a look at this, under the "Getting Personal" section (it's on page 22 of 28 pages):

http://www.docstoc.com/docs/20955321/Microsoft-PowerPoint---Meeting-with-Arabs

Different cultures, different taboos.

Regards,
John

[desert_traveller]

great post johnslat
i checked out your link as well

ok so let me weave the thread a bit further
an arab asks you about your salary, and you refuse to answer, saying its a very personal question and you dont feel comfortable with the answer
the arab will get offended as he takes it as rejection and lack of trust, and will not even occur to him that these categories are relative and not universal
then when you innocently ask him about his female relatives, he gets upset and tells you that its a very personal and sensitive issue
so basically he does exactly what you did, but this will never occur to him that he is just on the other side of the table now
one thing that always strikes me is how childishly egocentric the arab mind is - both at individual and national level, meaning, they are totally unaware that their cultural traits are just as particular (and not universal) as anyone else's
imho

[Linguist]

[desert_traveller]

well yeah ok my bad, bad wording
but let me disagree. i think there are peoples in the world among whom there is a larger proportion of individuals who are clearly aware of the particularness of their cultural traits than among middle eastern people
of course i know all generalizations are wrong and blah blah blah
but i have been to quite a few parts of the world and this has been my personal experience so far, and i am clearly aware that my personal experience is totally particular and not universal ... unlike some other folks

[johnslat]

Dear desest_traveller,

And yet, you were apparently unaware that asking about one's salary isn't considered to be rude or intrusive in much of the Arab world.

All of us (Yup, I'm generalizing) are woefully unaware of the specifics of so many other cultures. In my experience, this seems to be especially true of Americans (myself excluded, of course .)

Regards,
John

[veiledsentiments]

[desert_traveller]

nah i gotta say: i WAS perfectly aware that what i described in my OP was just my personal perception, hence the topic itself to see what other ppl's personal perception is on this
and thats exactly what im talking about, there is a big difference between saying: it is strange OR it is strange to me
and that to me is clearly there in my very first line in my OP

[freesoul]

OMG! another unfortunate intercultural miscommunication due to complete ignorance of the host coutry's pragmatics.

[johnslat]

Dear desert_traveller,

Then, I'm puzzled. Since you were aware of how Arabs will ask people they don't know well about their salary, I don't see how it could seem "weird to"
you.
To a first-timer, one who's never been out of his/her country before, I can
understand how even if one knows about a different custom, it could still seem "weird."
But you're NOT a first-timer, and certainly, in your travels, you have encountered many other cultural differences. If you're NOT prepared for them, then I can see how they could seem "weird."
But as an experienced traveller, surely you are so well-used to such differences by now that there shouldn't be any "weirdness" associated only with the fact that there ARE cultural differences.

Regards,
John

[007]

[Mia Xanthi]

I have succesfully used the following replies in many countries when asked directly about my age or my salary:

How old are you? "Very young" (or "very old")- must be accompanied with a wink or at least a twinkle in the eye.

What is your salary? "I make MILLIONS of riyals a month" (waving your hands wildly with a deadpan look on your face)

[desert_traveller]

all right then, i got it now, im a bad boy and very culturally insensitive

but then guys maybe i did not manage to get my point across clearly: the thing is, i am aware that it seems weird to me because of cultural differences and my individual perception and so on and so on and so on

while to some other folks it will never occur that just because their perception of events reflects their culture, it is still just an individual perception, accidentally identical to another lot of people's perception around them, hence called culture, and by no means a reflection to some universal convention, and will say, it is WEIRD, not even considering the fact that it may only be weird to them and not weird as such universally (which concept, most probably, does not even exist, i mean, universally weird)

come on guys carry on posting i got some great opinions here already and im really glad to see that, also dont spare me, im not that sensitive

[lazycomputerkids]

I got some mileage from, "A thousand years old," but

[trapezius]

Questions commonly asked by Arabs and Asians when they meet someone new:

1) What is your salary?
2) Are you married? What is her nationality?
3) Any kids? How many?
4) What is your wife's religion? (if you are Muslim and she is not from a Muslim country)
5) Will she convert? (follows from above)
6) What religion will/do your children follow? (follows from above)
7) What do your parents do?

And various political and religious questions, especially if you happen to be a Muslim and/or from the same background as the 'questioner'.