Job Discussion Forums

[Cleopatra]

Interesting topic and one which is very pertinent as a single woman (no longer all that young....) who has lived and travelled in the ME.

to be honest, if I'm travelling and someone asks me, I very often lie and say yes, I am amrried, but my hubbie is back at the hotel. That may sound implausilbe to us, but they usually believe it, because it's not nearly so implausible as the notion of a single woman travelling alone.... So far, I havne't got to the point of inventing any kids, though - like John I simply smile and say "Insh'allah" - works every time!

When working in Saudi Arabia, I obvvioulsy couldn't make up a husband, as I got to know my students too well. Even the more sophisticated and cosmpolitan among them were simply baffled by the fact that I was unmarried at an age where Saudi women could already be grandmothers! Sometimes, I went for the "Oh, I'm too independent to get married" but this fell on deaf ears, as concepts such as 'female independence' are simply not on their radar screens. Then, I would lie and say "Oh, hopefully, I will get married one day, insh'allah". Of course, they were probably thinking "What? At your age? I don't think so...." but were too polite to say so.

I think they genuinely pitied me, because for a woman to remain single beyond her mid- 20s is almost unheard of and implies that there is something 'not right' about her. The same goes, as someone said above, about living alone. When I told them I had my very own flat - lucky me! - they looked at me with a pitying look "But Miss, what do you do all day?". Since Saudi girls barely go to the bathroom without taking a friend along, my lifestyle was incomprehensible to them. However, as I said, they were polite enough to respect it - at least to my face (?)

As for polygamy, whenever it came up with my class - all girls, of course - they made it fairly clear that they did not like the practice and would hate it if their husbands took a second wife. To me, this proved that those who say that Arab women "don't mind" polygamy have never spoken to the younger generation. Of course, they couldn't say it should be banned, or anything like that, as it is sanctioned in the Kor'an. However, as another poster has said, polygamy is seen as the exception, and in no way does Islam encourage it. In fact, there are those who say that - in limiting the number of wives to 4 (previoulsy there was no limit) and in saying that a husband must treat all his wives equally, the Kor'an is in a sense discouraging the practice.

[august03]

I live with my Aussie boyfriend of 2 1/5 years here in China and we always get asked when are we going to get married . I usually tell them 'in a couple of years' but I often I like to amuse them by saying 'never'. In China you need a permit from the Government to allow married couples to live together, so I often wonder whether they believe I am a *beep* because I am unmarried and sleep in the same bed as my partner. Who knows, but it makes things a lot easier to tell people we meet (Chinese people) that we are married, not having rings doesn't matter either because everyone here leaves theirs at home (too precious).

[Wolf]

[dmb]

Wolf, why don't you marry a career minded woman?

[Wolf]

[dmb]

I'm sure that there are many. You just haven't met them yet

[thelmadatter]

I havent had a problem about my marital status here in Mexico. That surprised me a little bit until I found out that divorced is much more common here than I thought it would be.

However, when I was a graduate students, my Chinese classmates would insist that I needed a Chinese husband - that he would be much better than my ex. Since I knew them well I would joke that it would be impossible given my size (Im a big girl) ... If I rolled over in bed one night - I would squish the poor guy!