Job Discussion Forums

artemisia · Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 875 Location: the world

I was recently asked who I live with � gave a limited, cagey answer.

Sometimes I�m surprised students are so curious, but other times, in other classes they don�t seem to be. If they're in their early 20s I expect them to be pretty much involved with themselves & their own age group. If possible, I hedge around questions (or hints) around age, marital status etc. I don't ask them about personal stuff (and sometimes alter speaking exercises that I think are too personal). No one has ever asked me about salary- but sometimes they make comments about how teachers don�t earn much! (I should probably be hinting at all the mega-bucks I earn, ha ha).
I'm sure other teachers might not mind answering nosy questions - indeed might like get in first and talk at length about themselves - but me - I'm a dark horse. I like to keep �em guessing. Still, I�ve not yet come up with a good response to a direct �Are you married?� other than actually having to answer it.

Lamentations · Joined: 10 Sep 2010 Posts: 41

You might consider - "Not at this time." It seems to leave them wondering.

If by chance they press you for more info and you think, which a lot do, that if you say you aren't/were never married they will think there is something wrong with you - simply lie. Tell them you are divorced and your daughter lives with her mother, assuming you are male and have never been married.

If you really want to get them going, you could tell the inquisitors a story about how your friend told you that he saw your ex-wife kissing another guy in a restaurant and took a picture of them. You then asked your wife and she denied eating with/kissing another man. You then showed her the picture and kicked her out of the house and filed for divorce. Then, turn the tide by having the class discuss what they'd do in such a situation.

Imagine - you see your BF/GF kissing another person. What would you do? How would you feel? etc....

It works wonders in China.

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

"Are you married?"

Yes, to my work.

Now, about that past participle lesson we were just going through...

mimi_intheworld · Joined: 23 May 2010 Posts: 167 Location: UAE

I try to be selective about what I share about my personal life, as my family is...colorful, to say the least. When I worked with inner-city, low-income kids, sharing some of my family stories has helped them look beyond the privileged white woman veneer I can't help but present to the world (being, as I am, a relatively privileged white woman).

Actual personal questions I tend to deflect, similar to Glenski's response, above.
Or...

"Do you have kids, Miss? Do you want kids, Miss?"

When would I ever have time, with all of the children I teach every day? - is a common response. It works. And back we go to the lesson.

And sometimes I turn the question back on the student. "Are you married, Miss?" --Are you? It's ridiculous sometimes, esp with younger students, but silliness can gloss over the fact that you didn't share any personal information, and back to the lesson we go.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

I'm 34, not married, live alone, was once engaged, have no kids. Those things I don't mind revealing. If they pity me for being single, well, I really don't care. I never offer the information, but if they ask, I don't lie or avoid the questions. And I never reveal anything about my personal life that would be inappropriate--I'd probably just get myself into trouble if I did! (Living where I do...)

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Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

"Do you like Japanese girls/boys?"

Oh, let me think... hmmm, yes, sometimes, but only with barbecue sauce and cooked very well done.

"Do you want kids?"

Well, one at a time is enough. My blender is not very big.

Gives them something to ponder, and then move on quickly, winking at one student who you know got it.

Lamentations · Joined: 10 Sep 2010 Posts: 41

I guess it depends on where you live and what the culture there thinks about unmarried people over 30 or so, Denise.

I live in China and in the past have told students that I'm not married and have no kids. 1 student then told me the next week that his Father thought there was something wrong with me!

I could have told him even more of the truth, but like to keep my "affairs" private. (I enjoy scorned Chinese women who remain married in name only, xiao jie's which are a dime a dozen here and other easy prey).

In my opinion, in certain situations, a little white lie is best.

It's better than an arranged marriage!

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Maybe it depends on the culture, but where I live, an unmarried woman in her 30s is an oddity. (I'm in one of those cultures!) It still doesn't bother me. They can think whatever they want. I'm certainly not going to rush out and get married just to fit into their culture's role for a woman. Nor will I lie about it. I'm unmarried, not ashamed of it, and not bothered by people who think it's weird. And I'm sure there are expats here who pity me, too... I still don't care. It's my life, not theirs.

Yes, I will tell white lies about other things. But I don't consider "Are you married?" to be too personal, nor do I think my answer is wrong.

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