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[Dragonlady]

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[Justin Trullinger]

Grief counselor, as a position or profession, is new and pretty much western.

Grief counseling, as in helping people, because most people need help in dealing with loss, is older, and more universal.

You're right to worry about the kid and the family, and to wonder what's available to help them.

In the beginning, if they're typical, the whole family will be snowed under and traumatized, and will deal with pretty much nothing except the necessary "practical" details. (Funerals, finance, insurance if applicable) They'll also be worrying about why he was targeted, and will anyone else be; it would not be uncommon, in Latin America, for them to move at this point. If they do, he'll just stop coming to school- they wouldn't inform the school, or say goodbye.

If he sticks around, though- just keep an eye on him. Grief counselors per se may not be around, but this role is often filled by priests, nuns, older family, or friends who have been there. He may be getting what he needs already, so don't assume there's a problem (beyond the obvious) if you don't see signs.

If you do see signs that he isn't adjusting well (and I mean a ways in the future- obviously he will be unwell NOW, and for a while, no matter what) then start to look around. Your school psychologist may be a nincompoop, or not. Primping and dealing with behaviour problems may be all that she's usually required to do- doesn't mean it's all she's capable of. Feel her out, and have a chat. If it seems like you can trust her, refer the kid to her. If not, she may still know somebody more appropriate.

Other teachers may have ideas as well- many of them may have dealt with something similar before.

If appropriate, talk to the mother. Let her know you're thinking about them, and are concerned. Feel out if they have a church, a community organisation, family...there's no telling what she's like, but if you make yourself available to her, she can tell you if there's anything she needs help with.

And, while you shouldn't overeach your professional competence, be attentive to the child. Let him know he's safe with you, and can talk to you. He might, he probably won't. But knowing he can is good.

And by the way, he's an unlucky little guy, right now. BUt he's lucky to have a teacher who cares. Do the best you can, don't beat yourself up over the fact that it isn't much. Caring is good.

All the best,
Justin

[bdbarnett1]

I second Justin's post. Here in Guatemala City, this happens more frequently that we would like to admit. Last academic year, 5 people in the extended school community were gunned down in various parts of the city.

[Teacher in Rome]

Thanks for those tips Justin - very thoughtful.

I was just about to write that Italy was not at all like Latin America in terms of people being targeted and gunned down, when I realised that it's not that different. Perhaps rarer, but it still happens.

But the theme of this post (dealing with student grief) is pertinent for another reason. Every summer young kids are killed on the roads around here. They go off to discos that start after midnight, drive too fast (perhaps under the influence of whatever) and every summer, another tally of fatalities. Kids I've taught, kids that are loved in the small town where I work, kids whose funerals are attended by other kids. It is absolutely heart-rending. We don't have grief counsellors either, but in the most recent case (an A+ student loved by absolutely everyone - kids, teachers and admin staff alike) the school held a memorial service - predominantly for the parents of the kid and his classmates.

[artemisia]

Dragonlady posted:

[Dragonlady]

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[artemisia]