Job Discussion Forums

rickman · Joined: 17 Jun 2003 Posts: 28

Pardon my ignorance on this subject, but Japan is completely new to me. What is dating seen like in Japan? Is it accepted for foreign males to date Japanese women? Also, does anyone know of a good singles dating website to meet Japanese?

nakanoalien2 · Joined: 04 Mar 2003 Posts: 52 Location: Nakano, Japan

rickman - you will learn when you get here. No need for a website. Absolutely no need. You will undoubtedly find a girlfriend.

In fact, I almost don't want to explain. I think it is one of the interesting things you learn about when you come here. I will give a few dating tips however.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, not all J-girls are looking for gaijin guys.

If you ask a girl for a phone number or a date (I assuming you are a guy) and she says no, that means, NO.

If she says "maybe", that means, NO.

If she says that is "difficult", that means no, or just isn't worth your while.

Once you have a girlfriend you will realize that relationships and ideas are different here and that people do not speak directly about things. Eventually you will figure how to read what your girlfriend is really saying to you. Things are said for a reason. I can't make that point strongly enough. Unfortunately, it took me a relationship to figure that stuff out.

Roppongi is the meat market that one would go to in Tokyo to pick someone up.

Most English teachers either end up dating a student or a language exchange partner. Some people are down on teachers for doing this, but frankly unless you speak Japanese this is your dating pool. Personally, I would stay away from students. I dated a couple of former students and a language exchange partner over the yrs.

Good luck. It is a great place to be single. Don't abuse it.

The Nakano Alien

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

Sunpower · Joined: 22 Jan 2003 Posts: 256 Location: Taipei, TAIWAN

Coming to Asia with a girlfriend is like bringing sand to the beach.

This is a place to be single.

You don't need to go to Rappongi to meet Jap. women.

In fact, I'd discourage it. Too many of them have been passed around. The ones that hang out there have too much experience with foreign men.

In Tokyo, try Kichijoji, Shimokitazawa, Shinjuku or Shibuya.

Shiit, go to starbucks - a pretty good place to start since 90% of their customers seem to be young women.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Pardon my bitterness and feelings of utter despair, but I get the impression that the dating situation for foreign men is exponentially better than the scene for foreign women. Hopefully somebody will have some reassuring words for me? Or am I, a foreign woman in Japan, doomed to a lifetime (or at least as long as my stay here lasts) of solitude? Crying or Very sad

nakanoalien2 · Joined: 04 Mar 2003 Posts: 52 Location: Nakano, Japan

Sunpower - I agree with you. When I mentioned Roppongi, I did not mean to say that it was The Place to meet people. I said it was a meat market.

I like the part about the beach and sand. I've got to hand it to couples that stay together here.

Denise - don't feel too bad. Realistically, you're right, it is a much better deal for foreign guys than foreign women, unless you came here with a penchant for Japanese guys. But there are foreign guys who would like to meet a woman whom they know long-term will not be opposed to returning to (insert home country here), who can have a deep conversation, etc. 2 of my coworkers (American and British) were married and left Japan recently.

tjpnz2000 · Joined: 22 May 2003 Posts: 118 Location: Japan

Dear Denise,
Speaking as foriegn guy who has been in Japan and single for almost 2 years (and I try Exclamation

god damn it I try Crying or Very sad

) all I can say is this:

If your not a player in your home country (for me New Zealand) you will not be a player in Japan. If you are good with women in your home country you will be unstoppable in Japan.

Not ALL foriegn guys are dating a string of cute Japanese women.

T

Celeste · Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2003 3:49 am Post subject:

Denise-
Do not despair. Two of my female friends here in F ukuoka have Japanese boyfriends at the moment, and one of them is on her second Japanese boyfriend in two years. I am married, but from what my single friends tell me, some of the Japanese guys will be too intimidated to ask a foreign woman out, so the women have to do the asking. (Try it out- the worst thing that could happen is you get turned down) Good luck!

Sherri · Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2003 4:11 am Post subject:

Denise
I met a very nice J man while teaching here. I am expecting our second baby in July. Don't worry there are some great guys here both Japanese and non-Japanese.
S

Stella · Joined: 22 Mar 2003 Posts: 17 Location: Japan

Why don't my quotes appear in cool looking boxes?

Re:
If your not a player in your home country (for me New Zealand) you will not be a player in Japan. If you are good with women in your home country you will be unstoppable in Japan.

I believe you mean "you're" not "your".

And apart from that I would have to disagree based on what I've seen in my 6 years here.

I've seen plenty of English teacher guys who would have absolutely no game back home but have Japanese girls falling all over them. That's no fault of the guys, just that Japanese girls don't see it like girls back home do. It's pretty annoying when those guys develop the 'I'm-a-sex-god' syndrome though. I kind of feel sorry for the Japanese girls really. I watched a big disgusting slob with no social skills who worked with me totally pump up his ego with the attention from unknowing Japanese girls and older Japanese women. He even managed to dupe one of them out of a considerable amount of cash.

I have to admit though, I can't comment on the ones who would be a player back home because I don't think I've ever met a straight guy here who would qualify as a player back home.

Stella · Joined: 22 Mar 2003 Posts: 17 Location: Japan

>You must be wound up pretty tight to do shiit like this, Stella.
No! Just don't like idea that English teachers don't make the effort to use correct English.

>Are Jap. girls supposed to see it like girls back home?
Of course not - I didn't say they were. It's no surprise that people from different cultures see things diffeently is it?

>And men and women to this to each other every day all over the world - >even in like people back home. You don't think Japanese women use >men for money and material items?
I'm sure there are people who do those kinds of things the whole world over and never said it was only guys here.

>I think your best friend here in Japan has been your middle finger, Stella, and that's why you come across as being such a bitter woman.
Oh! Miaow, miaow! That sounds like something straight off Big Daikon. And I'm not going to answer that stupid line any further because I don't think this is a forum for talking trash like that.

>You also come across as a man-hater.
No - just an idiot hater and that's why after reading this stupid message I'm not going to look at this forum anymore.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Um... thanks for the words of inspiration, and I'm sorry that this thread turned negative... Embarassed

rickman · Joined: 17 Jun 2003 Posts: 28

Mr. Kalgukshi · Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2003 11:12 am Post subject: Unlocked

This thread is locked. I have also deleted a particularly offensive message. Such behavior will not be permitted to continue.

23 June 2003---This thread is no longer locked. Have fun.

ajarn · Joined: 15 Mar 2003 Posts: 53