Job Discussion Forums

Ellis · Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 5:40 pm Post subject:

WOW! You guys kill me! Here you are, in your 30s (I wish!) and you're already citing regrets as if your careers and personal ambitions were at a bloody end! Here I am, all of 66 (steadfast pushing 67), and I'm still out there ready to relocate at a moment's notice! Divorced? Sure ... hasn't practically everyone been? Remarried? Yes, and I take my little sweetheart everywhere I go! She understands me completely, and has spent the past 10 years making only POSITIVE contributions to our union. Sure, NONE of these ESL gigs can be described as having been "perfect," but our relocating (wandering, if you will) has done nothing less than given us more experience to test and strengthen the strong bonds between us. In a way, you might say that ESL has been a romantic experience. Smile

Look ... to cite the case as simply as possible, a teacher's life is not what can be regarded as normal. In our dedication to both our profession and our students, we are sort of pre-occupied, and don't always observe what has been considered the more standardized activities of our contemporaries, e.g, marriage at an early age, rearing children, staying in one place, etc. Nay! Nay! Our lives are ANYTHING but customary. In respect to the personal life, simply let nature take its course, while, in the interim take full advantage of the (oft-times) gigantic satisfaction derived in achieving results from our students.

Good luck to you all.

yaramaz · Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 7:14 pm Post subject:

Hear hear! That's exactly what I was trying to say except that because I haven't hit 30 yet let alone 60 I'm not able to explain it properly. Wink

lozwich · Joined: 25 May 2003 Posts: 1536

Yaramaz and Ellis,

Yes, I agree with both of you, but we need to also accept that taking the "road less travelled" (ugh. sorry.) can also be a little scary at times, and we can wonder if we're making the right decision. Which is why (I think) Taurus posted her message. To sound out her thoughts with like-minded bods.

I remember sitting in a cafe with a friend about 2 weeks before I left my country last year and having this sudden chilling thought that I was doing completely the wrong thing. Inside, I knew I was doing the right thing for me, but the fear was so strong that, well, it scared me. Thank goodness for having lunch with my most pragmatic friend who helped me calm down. Of course, now, I'm nervous about returning in a few weeks! Wink

Have a good day,
Lozwich.

distiller · Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 249

yarmaz,

I metioned the divorce rate because of the seven posts before mine, three of them mentioned being divorced. Then two more people posted saying they are divorced. And you really need to wonder why I'm asking?We're all going on about happiness but not addressing this key happiness issue. Maybe it's just people on the forum but it is definetly a trend here. The truth is that any fool can go on an adventure, but it takes something special to sustain a happy marraige. I am such a foolish adventurer but I'm also happily married living with my wife abroad and just curious about this issue.

once again · Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Posts: 815

Maybe you are next on the list then..if your own statistical cullings are anything to go by...best to be careful and not too presumptive about your relationship!!

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

I�ｍ　also happily married with a child and on an adventure with my family. Living overseas and relying on each other has only made us grow stronger.
Sadly, many people are divorced and I don`t think ESL/EFL teachers are any better or worse at staying married. You have to work at it every day and not take your spouse for granted. "Love is patient, love is kind."

kait · Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 93 Location: Lungtan, Taiwan

Perhaps some people try at first to conform to societal expectations, but eventually accept their need to explore and travel. If travel doesn't fit into their partners' lives, I suppose divorce or separation becomes more likely. I think it's an interesting hypothesis. I had a 10 year relationship end in part because I felt I was being held down and prevented from exploring. Of course, the other part was that he is gay. I can't presume to know what Distiller was thinking, but I don't think he was saying that ESL teachers are unstable and incapable of maintaining a long-term relationship. I just think it takes a special person to be compatable with someone who wants to uproot themselves every few years, move to another country and do it all over again. Maybe some of us have failed relationships and marriages before we find the right person.

Truman · Joined: 24 Oct 2003 Posts: 50

GambateBingBangBOOM · Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 2021 Location: Japan

I'm 32 and my only regret with the entire post university work life thing has been the five years lost trying to do advertising. Trying, but never really getting a decent job. So really, most of that time ended up being a combination of unemployment and retail work, followed by full time retail- fast track to a career in a red golf/polo shirt, black/blue pants and a name badge. Rolling Eyes

No thanks! Rolling Eyes

sidjameson · Joined: 11 Jan 2004 Posts: 629 Location: osaka

What I do lament about is not what I did but sometimes how long it took me to do it. The months and sometimes years that I lost between getting the idea, ie. uni, TEFL, first long haul travel etc and the actual doing of it. Nothing turned out bad but I do have some "wasted years".

yaramaz · Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2004 8:19 am Post subject:

lozwich, I know exactly what you mean. I am constantly getting mild panic attacks about whether I'm doing the right thing. Little jolts to the gut a week before departure, long nights spent awake and thinking far too much about where the hell I'm taking myself.

I've uprooted my life almost annually for the past decade and I keep thinking maybe I should stop and stay a while... which I have done here, for a grand total of two years. Amazing. Am glad I learned how to semi-settle, but am also glad to be moving on (next week!!) and even more glad to hear that my guy will be following soon after--- finally I have found someone who wants to join me in my excursions. It makes a big difference in my confidence levels, more certain that I'm doing the right thing. Hopefully my brain wont be freaking out over the summer holidays. Very Happy

Gowump · Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 70 Location: Poland

How about these words of wisdom by John Whittier

Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these... it might have been.

nomadder · Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2004 5:23 pm Post subject:

My story is similar to sidjameson. Where did the time go? Being in my home country was the biggest waste of time. If only I'd known sooner. I think there are places on the earth that are just better for you than others and not necessarily the place where you were born.

lozwich · Joined: 25 May 2003 Posts: 1536

I don't think there's any such thing as a waste of time. If you can learn from the time you spent not doing what you wanted, then you haven't wasted time. But then, I'm coming from a Eastern philosophy viewpoint...

You were all smart enough to get out of the things that you were doing that you didn't like, and regardless of how long it took, you did it. I know someone who never did, made a whole bunch of mistakes, procreated, and then proceeded to tell his kids for the majority of their childhood (and into their adulthood) that he never wanted kids. Lovely. Mad

When I was 22, I left to travel the world, but discovered I didn't have it in me just yet. 11 years later with a whole bunch of experiences behind me (lots of them really awful), I did it again, and this time, I'm happier, and its all sitting a whole lot better, and I regret nothing, and accept the things I've put myself through along the way as part of the process.

To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, what if you were to arrive in your idea of heaven, and St Peter said to you "We don't know where you should belong, because you never really lived" ???

Lozwich.

biffinbridge · Joined: 05 May 2003 Posts: 701 Location: Frank's Wild Years

I'm happily divorced and have a beautiful son.Do I regret marrying?No.Many great things came out of that union and many lessons were learned.The point;In this profession,especially when your being shafted on a dodgy contract, it's difficult not to worry about your future and have fears about what you're going to do and if you've made a big mistake.Don't worry things always turn out.Success manifests itself in many ways.The key for me is being happy.As for the future,I've been pretty proactive.When I'm in the UK I always buy a 'Luckydip' national lottery ticket.If that doesn't work I'm going to rob a bank when I turn 65 in 31 years.That's if my head doesn't get chopped off out here.