Job Discussion Forums

[MELEE]

Yes,

I'm expecting, but no one picked up on Mike's hint that I'm expecting twins.

On topic, I agree with Seanie, that women often need to be firm and unfriendly. We have one women here now, in her 40s, who could be described as having a bubbly personality. She laughs a lot when talking to people and frequently touches the person she's talking to on the arm. She can't understand why the guy from the corner shop, the tamal seller, the bus driver, and a whole host of other men keep turning up at her apartment.

[moonraven]

I think WAY too big a deal is being made here. Talking about kicking married guys in their "noble parts" because they asked you out is way beyond over-reaction, and I am very sure that not a single woman on this forum would consider doing that to a married guy who asked her out in her home culture. If a guy wasn't hostile to you when he asked you out, why should you grit your teeth, be as unsmiling as possible and fantasize about doing him physical harm? Mexican men--married or single--are not sexual bandidos with machetes gripped in their teeth below overblown "bigotes"; they're just normal guys.

Some of my very best friends here are married guys that at one time or another propositioned me. I told them if I were interested I would be sure to let them know. If I had given them a big blast of either hypocritical or genuine indignation, they would have told me to lighten up--and they would have been right in doing so.

[Kristy Love]

I don't mean to sound judgemental, but it sounds like for many of you, teaching English in Mexico or abroad was the first multi-cultural experience you have had. If you had lived in a Mexican neighborhhood in the United States, or even interacted a little bit with Meixcan Americans, or African Americans you would find some of what you are discussing here, and perhaps would not be so shocked when you arrived in Mexico. I'm sure the hitting on is way worse in Mexico, but when I lived in a Mexican American neighborhood in North Carolina, I could not walk down my street without getting hit on. They made up little nicknames for me like "Morena" and even "Grandota." If I was wearing shorts or a skirt, they would sometimes make noises with thier mouths. All in all, they made the black American guys look downright shy, and the white guys look sexually repressed.

All in all I agree with Moonraven, that its better to lighten up a bit. However, this is all ccoming from someone, myself, who has not been to Mexico yet, I'm leaving Auguts 8th for San Luis Potosi. Just my two cents.

[seanie]

Obviously I need to clarify. OF COURSE nobody deserves to be kicked in the nuts for asking someone out (and please note that I would only recommend that in case of physical assault)... I thought the topic of discussion was what to do about persistent harrassment when you have already made it clear that you are not interested. I would not be smiley and friendly to someone who treated me with such disrespect.

[moonraven]

Asking someone out--or even propositioning that person--and sexual harrassment are not the same. Sexual harrassment is abusive treatment--usually presented with the victimizer threatening some kind of negative consequence if the person does not play ball (pun intended.) I didn't see any reference to conditions of that sort in this thread.

[MixtecaMike]

seanie did not mention "sexual harassment" he just used the word harrassment, last time I used that word it simply meant continued unwanted erm, harassing.

Like, M**NR*V*N is harrasing us again with her diatribes against capitalism.

(End of today's wisdom from this part of OAX)

[thelmadatter]

Ben, I loved your story. Gave me a chuckle for the day.

[moonraven]

Mike,
Vocabulary tip for today: check out the difference between the words "harrass" and "harangue".

[MELEE]

In the part of Mexico where I live--WHICH IS NOT LIKE ALL OF MEXICO-- guys don't stop when you smile and say no. They don't stop when you smile and say en tus sue�os (in your dreams). I know, its happened to me. After about 40 nos you have to take drastic measures. In my first year here I had lots of suiters. I had a collection of really odd gifts they had given me. For example a really tacky wooden ship from Puerto Escondido that was incribed with my name on it from, recieved from a guy whose name I couldn't remember. He struck up a converstation with me in a local grocery store, this was my second week in Mexico and I was buying all the supplies needed to clean my new appartment, so when he offered to give me a lift home I gratefully accepted. The next day he turned up with two ice cream cones and insisted we go for a walk in the park. I went through all the subtle ways I knew of to let him know I wasn't interested. Finally I had to have my landlady tell him to leave me alone, becuase no matter how I said it he didn't understand. I now believe I brought this on by accepting that intial ride home. I think a lot of the unwanted attention (which often becomes harassment) foreign women unconsiously bring on themselves.
There are at least eight more stories I could tell that went with various nick nacks I accumlated in my first year, before I modified my behavior. My husband finally threw all these things out in our last move--I don't think he was jealous, but rather our new house is smaller than our last place so he held up things and asked "Is this important to you?" if I said no, it went into the donation pile.

I want to stress that this little corner of the country is in many ways different from a lot of Mexico--It is more traditional, you don't see a lot of public displays of affection, people are more reserved, and gown up women don't often wear revealing clothing.

[moonraven]

Melee--Thanks for sharing your frustration at having to deal with unwanted male attention. Perhaps because of my age, I have had more time to learn how to deal with the problem. The problem of unwanted male attention has not lessened, but I have become more savvy in my reactions to it.

I would just like to point out one thing, based on a pretty extensive experience of Mexican culture--and other cultures--which is that smiling and saying No conveys a polite negative response, whereas accepting a ride home from a guy you just met in a grocery store implies just the opposite. I am not all that conservative, but I would not accept a ride to my home from a stranger in any culture. I think it's asking for trouble to let someone know where you live until you know him well enough to feel comfortable inviting him to visit you.

[MELEE]

[quote=moonraven]I think it's asking for trouble to let someone know where you live until you know him well enough to feel comfortable inviting him to visit you.
[/quote]

Unfortunately, this town is small enough that everyone knows where all the foriegners at the university live. One day a women who was in no way connected to the university was visiting my mother-in-law while I was there. She gave me a phsyical description of each of out towns more than 15 foreign residents, told me where they lived and what places they liked eating in...

[moonraven]

Is that why you accepted the ride?

[Ben Round de Bloc]

[moonraven]

Thanks, Ben. But I will continue to smile at everyone I have contact with--unless thay are actively hostile and abusive. I do not, however, accept rides from strangers or candy from men in dirty raincoats....

[saraswati]

I agree with Ben. Smiling while saying "no" does not send the intended message. As a recent arrival, I tried that and it only led to persistence on the part of the suitor. A quiet yet firm "no," breaking eye contact and taking a step or two away does.