Job Discussion Forums

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Dear Gerard:

I always 'get' your jokes! Now if I could just find a way to transplant what's growing on my back ... to the top of my head, I could retire from this EFL game and become a millionaire! We could call this new miracle-product something snappy, like: kEnt'S Back to Head in an Instant

As for YOU, johnslat: I'll have you know that being 'bald' in Russia is quite an enjoyable experience. It's the #1 reason why most middle-aged men give up that lucrative EFL contract in the Middle East and come over here to work for $25 per month.

Have a Nice Day ya'all,
keNt

PS: Have you seen Steiner's new avatar? I could be his twin brother, minus the beer-gut.

[richard ame]

Hi KenT et all
Your topic touched a chord with me ,although both of my parents have passed on a long time since ( he 20 years ago she 12 years ago) I still have them in my thoughts especially the old man he would have really liked this place and the food and the culture and language would have just blown him away ,he was always looking for new things to see and understand I left home at a young age and I've always being a little detached from them and my siblings (I'm one of 7 ) however I took the time this year to go back home to the small Island of Jersey to see them and my parents resting place after 20 years absence as you can imagine it was an emotional time and although I may go back sooner foe another visit my life is here now and thats the way it will stay,just thought I would share that with you ,cheers .

[once again]

Wow, some share and tell stuff.

My mum was more than happy to see me go. I have been estranged from my father since the day I could speak, so that doesn't bother me so much. But I hadn't been home for a number of years and then I found out that my stepfather had cancer. My mum told me that it was ok and that he would recover. Unfortunatley, this was in the days when from Hong Kong you had to sell your left arm to have any decent length of a phone call back to the UK and it turned out that my mum was not telling me the truth. At Chinese New Year, three years ago, my wife and myself had been out all day to a fun park, and ignored the constantly ringing phone when we got home. Too much trouble to answer we thought and the phone always rings in HK. It turned out that the phone calls were from my mum to say that my stepfather had died.
I had never met him, but spoken on the phone to him often. He made my mum trully happy, which after the wasted years with my "father" made me truly happy too. I missed the funeral because of all flights being booked at the time. I got back about two weeks after the funeral. I will leave it to you to imagine just how bad I felt about that. When the phone rings now I answer. Of course, it is just some idiot trying to sell me something or my wifes sister at one in the morning complaining about my inlaws. But it makes my heart jump when the calls come so late.

The one thing my mum did tell me was that she had made me the executor of her will, and asked if I would come back to sort it out when she died. No guessing here how bad I felt.

But in the end (no pun intended), she knows the choice I made to come here was right, and although I miss her and my sister, I kind of figure that she gets a buzz out of telling people that her son is in HK and is married and doing well. I kid you not on this, last year she got two tattoes on her arm in Chinese about my step dad, and then e mailed pictures to ask my wife what they meant. They mean love and happiness by the way. At the time of the tattoes, and her first, and in all other respects a conservative lady, my mum was 66!!!

I guess I feel guilty, but then I have seen many people who have stayed at home and just waited for the parents to leave the house to them! At least my mum feels proud that she gave birth to a son and brought him up with enough confidence to get out and see something and do something different. If and when kids arrive in my life, then I hope I will be able to show them the same respect.

I guess my point here is that parents will always miss us, and we will miss them. And if we choose to live on the other side of the world then when bad things happen, we will be able to do little or not as much as we would like to to, about them. But the positive side is, and I really believe this, that parents are really proud about what we have done, and if giving us the get up and go and confidence to do these things is the gift they gave to us, then doing it is the gift we gave to them.

[biffinbridge]

Slaqdog,dmb and biff are red blooded straight guys who happen to be tefl teachers.We're a dying breed as ELT has fallen victim to that touchy feely vibe.Women and poofs have taken over.Why don't they stick to working for airlines?

[richard ame]

Hi Biff
I don't know why it is but the number of gays I've met since I started this line of work amazes me ,the place is littered with them ,I work with at least three and that's just the ones I know about ,strangely enough not many of the female persausion who are bent,having said that they are all pretty decent blokes and most of them are good friends who I have broken bread with on many a night and had more than a few beers,it would be a boring old world if we were all the same .

[arioch36]

Ah, Once Again, katy, your posts hit home. What was supposed to be a one year thing in China is dangerously close to becoming a career thing.

Being the youngest, my mother and father are now older. They were both teachers who cared about their students, so they are fine with me working in China for peaunuts (jiaozi, whatever). I'm not so woried about when they die. But my mother continually has bout with cancer. What happens if she gets seriously seriously sick, has a few weeks to live, and I don't get home until after she is gone. I'm not that close to my father, but the same is true, what if he gets sick, and my brothers and sisters don't tell me right away?

Intersting thread kent.

Would I be right in percieving that if you are young, parents and friends think it is cool, but if you are olde, like us 30 something people, everyone thinks you are crazy, running away from something, etc?

Where is the former and true guru?

[johnslat]

Dear arioch36,
" . . but if you are old, like us 30 something people . . . "
Ah, thank you for one of the biggest laughs I've had all week - old at 30 something, huh? Well, I guess it's all relative, but cripes - I've got shirts older than you are.
Regards,
Geezer ( age 60 ) John

[reality]

Most Parents unattentionally can easily trap their Children, and as they get older feel the need for their children to be close to them.

The Trap is, they want you to do something better than they did or be more successful. EFL can be a successful Career, but not financially.

Parents also tend to want Grandchildren, and see their Children settling down. In short, they want us to do what they want us to be, not what we want to be ourselves.

Travelling, and working in the EFL field, can be the opposite to what our parents want to see us doing.

I found my problems with my Parents is they don�t realize what a good life I have outside Europe. Neither do they realize, opportunities outside Europe are better than inside Europe for people working in Education.

I returned to Europe to help them, and feel trapped, in a Country with few real Opportunities. The people who get on here are �Homeys�. Happy with the new Car or Fridge and Mortgage. Travelling is the Beach, and
Marriage is with the first or Second girl they can get. People who would be afraid of there own shadow in a Country outside there own.

Now, I have the in the unenvious task of letting them know I am moving on permanently. Which we all face at some point, but gets harder as our Parents grow older.

My advice, if you are not happy move, change your life and don�t feel guilty about your parents too much. They have lived there life, and should allow you to live yours.

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Greetings People:

Again, my sincere 'thanks' to everyone for sharing your thoughts on this topic. As I mentioned in the original post, this particular aspect of EFL life doesn't seem to come up that often for discussion, although it does seem to be in the back of a lot of our minds ... sort of nagging us quietly.

In the end, we make our choices; we live with the consequences, and we hope that our parents understand our motives.

Warm wishes,
keNt

PS: Now Biff ... truth be told ... I had considered a career as a flight attendant, but in the Age of Osama, the airlines are going bankrupt even faster than English language schools.

[elainenatal]

Oh, Biffo - c'mon man! I can remember the day Graham tackled you with a dropped shoulder rugby style in the staffroom.
MAN!!! You went down like a creme puff at a Sunday school picnic.

[biffinbridge]

Actually, I've been known to fall over without any outside help whatsoever...strange that.

[xiaoyu]

thanks guys! helps to know that yeah, others do think about it. a lot of good advice too. though it is sometimes hard to really put it into practice depending on the current situation.

my parents and family were pretty supportive of me when i told them that i was going to live overseas in china and vietnam (i was 8 yrs old)..... they supported me when i went and got my degree in a field and then focused it on the asian economic development..... they were supported (though a bit concerned) when i went off to china for the first time..... and when i got terribly ill (with something unknown - don't worry am fine now!) and returned to the states for further tests.... they were supportive.... i thought i had it made..... i figured that my aunt who has travelled the globe for the last 20 odd yrs working for NGOs had gotten them ready for me to do the same....

wrong! after being sick.... well, then, most of them feel justified stating that you should never have gone overseas in the first place.... that you "got it out of your system" and start pushing you to get the "normal" job with full benefits working for an american company (if you feel you absolutely need to travel sometimes) with travel overseas.... though it is preferable for yout o have the permanent position in an area near to the home base.....

i love my family... i do. but sometimes it is just too much.... i have been back here for sometime now (about a yr) and it seems everytime i get the opportunity to go some family emergency happens (or SARS which got my 83 yr old grandma so panicked about my health that i decidedt o put off going back until it calms down)..... 4 of my 6 sisters are married and age wise i am the next in line - as is being pointed out to me quite often. when will i just settle down nad have a family.... get a "real" job, etc. sure there are pockets of support.... and when i am gone i miss my family ....but it sometimes reminds me that regardless of how long you have told some one what you plan to do, they can still try to influence you to live the life that they believe is best for you. then you tread the thin line of respecting them while showing them that you are an independent person.... that there are dangers in every life adn that you make your own decisions..... sometimes that is the most you can hope to convey.... esp if they haven't experienced anything similar to what you have .......

i have just had to be more proactive in my "discussions" with family members.... remembering all the time that they do want what is best for me... they just don't happen to really know what it is at this point in my life....

but you gotta love them and miss them.... after all.... without them i wouldn't be here

xiaoyu

[M.K.]

I haven't left the US yet, but will leave for Central America in August, and when I told my parents about my plans they were pretty shocked. It was the typical, "how could you leave a perfectly good job with benefits?" guilt trip. Also, I know my mom was not-so-secretly hoping I'd get married and start a family soon (at my age, 25, she'd been married for a year and owned a home). It doesn't help matters that my older brother already "abandoned" the family by getting his MA in Dublin, and is now working (indefinitely) on his PhD. at Cambridge. Now with their second child embarking for who-know-how-long I guess they're just frustrated because they don't understand why we aren't interested in raising families in our 20s like they did.

[Steiner]

I've been blessed with parents who are wonderfully supportive and excited for me to be in China. Ever since I was little I'd been telling them I was going to work overseas when I grew up, and they believed me. So it was no shock to them, even though I'm not grown up yet, when I told them I was going to China. The fact that I'd gone to school for a degree in TESOL and the fact that I had always maintained that I wouldn't live in the U.S. had prepared them.

My wife's parents are just as supportive, but they miss her more than my parents miss me. Actually, my parents probably miss her more than they miss me, too. She's just more likeable, I guess. As I said at the beginning, we've been blessed with understanding parents.

[once again]

Not quite sure by what standards the moderators are judging offence, but it seems that obvious flame messages which discriminate against gender and sexuality in the most school yard of ways seem to be considered acceptable.