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alexcase
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 215
Location: Seoul
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 Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:04 pm Post subject: |
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Markle. Read "Shinohata" or almost any other similar book on Japanese society if if you don't think "present war" exists in Japan. And if you have never been involved in it yourself, that might suggest that you are the one who has been sparing on the gift giving.
Although the personal touch would be great if you could manage it, I think most Japanese people would put the emphasis on being neutral, unsurprising and safe. Not that everyone is expecting a foreigner to play by Japanese rules of course... |
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southofreality
Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 579
Location: Tokyo
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| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm not sure if the musical box was another pointless and unfunny wind up on this thread or not |
It wasn't meant to be funny. When I mean to be funny, you'll know it. 
I wasn't talking about something from Tiffany & Co, just something tasteful and on the classy side. If it's appealing and would make a nice gift, why not?
| alexcase wrote: |
| Markle. Read "Shinohata" or almost any other similar book on Japanese society if if you don't think "present war" exists in Japan. |
Is there a chapter in that book that deals with foreigners wanting to marry into Japanese families?
| alexcase wrote: |
| Not that everyone is expecting a foreigner to play by Japanese rules of course... |
My point, exactly. |
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markle
Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Posts: 1316
Location: Out of Japan
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| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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| alexcase wrote: |
| Read "Shinohata" or almost any other similar book on Japanese society if if you don't think "present war" exists in Japan. |
See this is what I mean alex. You apparently know a lot of stuff but but you seem to have a poor understanding of what that knowledge means. The notion of "present war" is not applicable to this situation. That phenomena takes place in a situation of equals trying to gain status by giving the best gift, very common in business or social groups. This is a situation where a suitor is attempting to ingratiate himself to his prospective in-laws. There is no question of who has greater status (its the in-laws), it is a question of how highly he values their opinion of him. Now the OP's parent's gift to the in laws - that has potential for 'present war'. |
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alexcase
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 215
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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"present war" was perhaps not the best way of saying what I meant, but I did go on to explain
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| by giving something too nice that they have to give you something nice in return for and so on |
, which is not an attempt to achieve anything but just putting someone under too much obligation by accidentally giving too much or doing something too nice. I sometimes wonder if some other people here are living in the same country as me- surely someone here have experienced or read about giving a present and that person rushing out to buy you something that is so nice next time you visit your first present seems inadequate etc??
As there is little general information available (as far as I am aware) on what gaijin do in such situations and how it is taken, knowing what a Japanese person would do in that situation seems a good starting point. I've never read anything specifically about this situation, but the one etiquette book for Japanese people I have read in Japanese and extracts from many others I have seen in books in English quite clearly state that people should be careful not to overdo it in all present giving situations.
Again, you are probably free as a foreigner to be as personal as you like, but I think most Japanese would bring a single gift for both mother and father rather than one each if you had never met them before.
I can't even remember what I took my now future in-laws, but I do remember that the whole experience being pretty much stress free. From the little I have heard and read from other gaijin, the amount of stress seems to be 100% variable though... |
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