Job Discussion Forums

noodles · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 67

I'll add my 2 cents to this, for what its worth, as this is an interesting post.
It seems to me there is not too much difference from girls here to girls the world over. There are nice girls who generally like you for what you are and there are girls who are out for what they can get.
Maybe some of you have been here to long to and have forgotten the number of times you see old men driving around in their Porsche with the prettiest young girlfriends back home. And when you do see them you say to your friends" i wonder why she is with him"
I would say exactly the same rules apply to girls maturity back home too. There are many girls in their early twenties that have great minds and many that are just to imature and do not know anything of the way the world works.
I strongly beleive it is wrong to generalize about any nations people, especially with one that has such a huge population as China - they simply can not all be the same.
And to Arioch i would say - do what you feel is right and the chances are it probably is.

scoobydo · Joined: 22 Feb 2003 Posts: 22 Location: China, Guangzhou

Eric the King

You said:

"And as for all this "Chinese girls don't like to say 'I love you' so if they do they are lying' - what a crock of *beep*. Who decided on that particular stereotype?"

I said:

"It's not in the Chinese culture ( as far as I can work out ) for them to say "I love you". I don't know why though. If your girlfriend does easily say "I Love you" then she is maybe ( probably? ) acting. Chinese woman prefer to show their love by actions"

I think you have misread my post.
I can only speak from my own personal experience ( as I said "as far as I can work out" ) as can you.

I also said:
"China is a big country and they do vary from province to province so I realise it's dangerous to generalise. But..."

I should of qualified it even more and I apologise if I have caused you any offense. I`ve known my wife for 2 years and I am still wary at times because I know how mercenary the Chinese can be to get what they want in friendships and relationships.

I do know that as a general rule Chinese people are not the most demonstrative verbally nor as a general rule do they have the cultural custom of expressing their emotions when talking. Maybe I am wrong.

I do know that many Chinese girls do put on an act to net themselves a foreign man. Just look at the divorce figures for Chinese woman married to US men after they arrive in the states and get a green card. The Consulates and Embassy understand this and that is why the US is so reluctant to give Chinese wifes visas. To them the hard facts speak for themselves ( I should point out that I'm not actually American - I'm British ).

It is of course dangerous to use stereotypes because everyone is an individual. I do feel however that the chinese do have a very different culture compared to Weterners and they themselves are often very wary of this when they embark on a relationship with a Westerner. They do indeed view us Western men as if we come from Mars!

eric the king · Joined: 22 Feb 2003 Posts: 24

no apologies needed mr scooby
I wasn't meaning it to be directed specifically at you - just the general theme that seems to be developing.
In fact I agree with you - one has to be cautious. There are a lot of sharks out there. And for good reason, I guess.
As for saying "I love you" - my father-in-law never stopped telling me in his best English the last time I saw him. That bai jiu can certainly get the emotions out!

whitjohn · Joined: 27 Feb 2003 Posts: 124

I spent Dec 2002 in China doing contract work. The majority of the people that I worked with were young women 22 to 30. (I'm 59)
I ALWAYS had a gaggle of pretty, intelligent, sparkling women for companionship at dinners and sightseeing. Perhaps it is just my wonderful personality, but I think Chinese women are terrific! Not at all put off by age as far as going out and about and having fun. One of these women and I developed a much "closer" relationship and I plan on living with her when I get back next month. I don't think she is a gold digger as she is aware there is no gold to dig! I also explained to her what a vasectomy is and that she could not have my baby.
I do strongly believe that both of us will benefit from the arrangement. Maybe in 6 months I'll post again with a different view...but right now, I am really looking forward to seeing my young honey again!

eric the king · Joined: 22 Feb 2003 Posts: 24

Good luck Whitjohn
but that's a big age gap there - then throw in the cultural gap and you really have to be careful. No money, no babies but you do have one thing more important than both - I'm talking about where you come from.
Hate to be so cynical about this and I really hope it all works out but make sure you ask yourself all the relevant and deep questions before you go too far. A lot of people do get burned in these situations - while it feels like something special and amazing, remember countless others have felt the same...for a while. I hope you do come back in a year or two and tell us it has all worked out! I'm just trying to give advice without being too patronising - you are a man of the world, I'm sure you know these things...

Egas · Guest

I'd just like to say good luck too Whitjohn. Yes, it seems that Chinese girls don't worry too much about age. I think as long as both parties are honest with each other and the arrangement is mutually agreed upon, then that's fine. But I think you should always come clean on what your true intentions are. If it is just to have fun, be up front about it. I don't think it is right to lead people on. I'm very honest with my Chinese girlfriend. I'm almost 37, she's pushing 28. I tell her I am uncertain about marriage. Does this cause problems? You bet. Just about every day! But it's better than lying. The door is open if she finds the arrangement unsuitable.

whitjohn · Joined: 27 Feb 2003 Posts: 124

Thanks for not blasting away at me. I assure all that I am very aware of this womans feelings and absolutely care that she is happy with the situation. She has even promised not to be jealous when I talk to other women...(that may be asking too much).

chinasyndrome · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2003 6:14 am Post subject:

[quote="eric the king"]

Edward · Joined: 04 Mar 2003 Posts: 46

Well, this might give some more insight. Nothing like spilling the beans in a forum! Wink

My girlfriend and I have been together a little over one year, give or take. When we met, she was seperated from her Chinese husband. She was 29 then. She has worked for 10 years at the same financial institution, and saved her money during that time. She had a stable work environment, a good if not great savings account [she just purchased her first flat by herself] and absolutely no desire to move away from China.

It took ... no I should say it is STILL taking her family time to accept us as a couple. Her ex had money, because he was one of the new "middle class" Chinese; great hi tech job, private car, great salary, etc. so this in her families eyes was PERFECT. It didn't matter that they didn't love each other, or that both had their own side relationships.

It took some time before she introduced me to her colleagues and to her family "officially". The way she did it with the colleagues was a bit shocking. They had a trip to Shenzhen, all expenses paid--about 50 people. Each person could bring one family member. She brought me, and that was the "introduction". It was for shock value of course, and I made a lot of new friends.

The family is still reluctant to accept this, even though we have lived together over 8 months. But she was always the "odd one out" of the sisters [there are 3].

We are happy, and will probably get married someday. Meanwhile, no gold digging, no "i wanna Green Card" and so on. We are happy to live in China, me included.

Michael

MartinK · Joined: 01 Mar 2003 Posts: 344

WDJ · Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 4

Ah, the great middle land, complete with its complexities, many mysteries and the almost dickensian communist party leaders - and the women.

After 1 year teaching in a post-apocalyptic industrial hell hole in Shandong province (although despite the pollution and all the rest of it, it was a year that was well worth it and I would recommend it to anyone), Chinese women - I am of mixed opinions.

Chinese women are outwardly goregous, intelligent, interesting and great fun. That is all very well, except when one realises the full scope and the intensity of their entrenched stoicism. In Chinese relationships, the men are feudal and the women are stoic. In my view the men are always out at banquets, brothelising, bribing officials, making 'friends', drinking baijiu and stroking their comrades crotches and insisting with unrelenting righteousness that there is NO homosexuality in China. The women on the other hand are sitting at home watching one of the several soaps about air stewards, talking to their friends about the latest shampoo commercial, looking after the children, cleaning the house and still living in fairy land with dreams of Snow White and Prince Charming. The men seem to insist that their women are always there for them when they come home pissed and vomit all over the shot and have breakfast on the table in the morning. The women are eternally holding that virtue and happiness in life can only be attained by a strict observance and submission to law as determined by the patriachs.

I hate to generalise - but hey, what is wrong with a generalisation if what you are saying is generally true? No, seriously, I have met a new generation of Chinese people. I think it has been said somewhere on this forum that of course, in bigger cities it is generally a lot different. But even in a smallish city there are, young people with fresh ideas and a whole new outlook on life. Some of the best times I had in China were spent with young Chinese people out on the town.

I had an interesting experience with a Chinese girl who was 3 years my senior and I was her first boyfriend. It lasted 7 months. She was totally ashamed of herself because she was older than her boyfriend and in modern China, I understand that is a big no go. However, I was reading in 'The Ancient Art of Chinese love', that about 1 thousand years ago it was actually considered proper for a woman to be older than her lover. The idea being that, because women live longer than men, women would not be lonely in their old age. How things change, hey?

Roger · Joined: 19 Jan 2003 Posts: 9138

Yes, indeed, how things have changed! I personally have met hardly any Chinese woman or girl that cared for her abode or knew how to cook! All loved playing mahjiang, and when they played they wanted to make money!

And, how emancipated they are now! No longer waiting to be picked by Mr Right, they can now choose as there are 118 men for every 100 females! Still, some of them prefer a foreign national - thus further diminishing the chances of Chinese males!
Interestingly, very few Chinese men get jealous of those of us who date one of their girls. I have in fact been encouraged by many!
I guess a good many Chinese girls that marry a foreign national choose one that's considerably older than themselves. Stands to reason - he turns up his toes early, she can inherit and marry again.

But are Chinese girls a lifetime investment? Anecdotal references seem to have it that Taiwanese women these days love to be seen with younger men! Furthermore, they like to enlist the service of a gigolo! This of course enhances the chances of those lonely male hearts that fall by the side through the statistical male/female ratio. In Hong Kong a couuple of years ago, 4 policemen were investigated for having been members of a male escort service!

xswa2003 · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 6

FIFTEEN YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! NO, I am not laughing. Get some counseling. Keep in mind, you would be in jail if you did that crap in the west.

tommchone · Joined: 27 Oct 2009 Posts: 108

You hit the proverbial nail right on the head, noodles. I spent my first term teaching here observing the "differences" between Chinese and westerners. They are just like everyone else. THEY ARE PEOPLE. I've met jerks, I've met candidates for sainthood.

Sinobear · Joined: 24 Aug 2004 Posts: 1269 Location: Purgatory

tommchone, you realize that this thread is more than six years old?