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londo
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
Location: District 7
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 Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 4:36 pm Post subject: |
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'Bold as love' PM me, I can give you a number and name of a local who rents bikes, Attilas and Nouvos, for around $50 to $75 per month, they are not new but he'll repair everythng, and is on call at most hours night and day plus he's local (HV 1).
Best to rent for a couple of months, some just can't handle the stress, and some lose a leg ...(no, no hot_rock, just a joke!), (Vietnam is remarkably accident free). |
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chim35
Joined: 25 Jun 2010
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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| londo wrote: |
| Not really 'on topic', but, chim35 (is that nick for real, or do you speak VN?), |
Thanks for the reply, Londo. Yes, the nick is real. It's just something I grabbed out of the air, though i suppose it also has a few dozen vietnamese meanings. No, I don't speak VNese, though I can read it and write it mot chut without using the diacritics, like the Viets do. Just simple stuff, anything beyond that, I'm helpless.
| londo wrote: |
It depends on the girl - like everywhere, even 'good girls' here will expect you to provide for 'everything' and I mean everything, if you don't come through then don't think they will 'love' you like a western woman might. In VN culture love is for family and kids, a man is 'loved' for his 'bring-home-the-bacon' abilities.
They will get constant pressure from family and friends to declare what they have received from you, and you will be the first port of call for all loan requirements until they know that you're going to say no, if she stays after this...well maybe it's something deeper. This isn't just a 'foreigner thing' but applies to relationships with VN men as well. |
I have met a few women who told me that they had 7 or 8 brothers and sisters. I figured they would expect me to support all of them and that's impossible so I didn't pursue those girls.
I also had a GF last year and she did indeed ask me to buy her a new motorbike, even though she had a perfectly decent one already. But she didn't ask me to buy motorbikes for her whole family. Or maybe she did...one of our problems was that we couldn't communicate. The only english she knew was "hello" and "goodnight."
I did not buy her a motorbike. I told her (we used to communicate through www.vdict.com machine translation, which is sometimes okay from English to Vietnamese but awful in the other direction) that I did not want her to ask me to buy her stuff unless and until we were married. And I had been warned by other Vietnamese not to marry a VN woman until you've known her a long time.
Do you think it's like this in all poor countries or only VN?
Not very romantic...
| londo wrote: |
My wife (VNese) has lost 2 bikes, some jewellry, and a couple of phones in 'drive-by' snatches. Me, only one bike in all these years, but countless helmets. I'm too big for a snatch and my house is like a fortress.
As for general thieving, if you leave it around you're gonna lose it, even if leaving it around means sitting on your bedside table in a locked house. If you live in place with few foreigners you are a beacon of (relative) wealth.
Again this is not just a foreigner thing, have you seen how the rich VN barricade their homes? ...there are a lot of poor people out there, and as a foreigner you don't have protection and by protection I mean, brothers, uncles, contacts and local 'respect'....forget the cops, the VN do.
Keep things close, don't flash them, and live in tower blocks or 'expat' areas...doesn't save you from the bad girls though! |
When I was a newbie here I had a phone stolen from a zippered compartment of a shoulder bag that I wore carelessly hanging toward my back where I couldn't watch it. I was completely surprised when I got home and it was gone.
I talked to a guy here once who was knocked off his bike by two would-be bike thieves while he was driving. I think he said one of them hit him with a steel pipe or something.
You said that if you leave something sitting on a bedside table in a locked house, you're gonna lose it. What do you mean by a locked house? Most houses have steel gates. Are these often broken into? Or do you mean leaving it on a bedside table in a hotel with your door locked, which I agree would not be very prudent.
I've seen a few hotels where you can put your own padlock on the door of your room when you go out. Do you think that would be secure? It sure simplifies things. Sort of like having your own steel gate -- can leave stuff around without spending 10 minutes securing everything before you go out. One thing i need to research is what kinds of padlocks are hardest to pick.
Or maybe they don't have to pick the lock, they can just pry the latch off the door.
What's most scary to me is that a girl might want to marry you just so she can divorce you a few months later and take half your money. I wonder how common that is in VN. |
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londo
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
Location: District 7
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:13 am Post subject: |
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'chim35', sorry...chim is a bad(nice) word in VN...ask a local girl!
Having 7 or 8 brothers is not so much of a problem except having them sleep on your couch, having to give them Tet lucky money, and of course don't upset the GF, VN brothers are VERY protective!
I don't understand how anyone could have a relationship without a common language, talking is as, or more important than, the 'other' IMO, can't even argue effectively!
In all 'poor' countries, no, don't think so, but in Asia, it is expected that the woman is 100% looked after/supported and a boy never leaves his family but brings his wife into the unit. As a foreigner with no local family you enter her family and have to bring something to the table.
No romance about it, it's business...family resources and a person entering the family who has an income equal to possibly the whole family unit.
Actual violence as in robbery is quite rare but can happen if you confront them, best to let it go, no way of knowing how many there are.
If you live in your own house with the usual bars, grills, razor wire and gates you might get some trying but unless you leave windows open you won't have a problem. appartments are also usually OK, but hotels and shared houses are NOT perfectly safe. Might be the people who live there or work there or just a brother or cousin of someone who does and heard there was a Tay living there.
Don't worry about divorce....women don't have the same rights here as they do in the West....they'll just come with their 7 or 8 brothers and take what they want. Like anywhere, date for at least 2-3 years before you get hitched....just like the VN do, don't be pressured..if she can stick it out and you can keep expenses checked....cue romantic mood music |
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jb0072009
Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 127
Location: Saigon
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 4:35 am Post subject: |
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Wow! This is getting good. OK I have experienced many of these things as well. Yes Asia woman expect their man to support them. I have been married to a Filipina and now to a Viet. Same same. However as to supporting their families this is where you have to make a stand unless you are very wealthy. If the woman trurly loves you she will stay with you. If not she will leave. Her family will tell her that you are no good. They will pressure her big time. Asians are the kings at guilt. Yes you should give some Tet money to her family, particuarly parents but not to her siblings. Personally I dont give a rats ass what my wife's family thinks of me. She has told me how many of her friends have told I am no good because I dont give money to her family. F them all!
I have met many foreigners who married Viets and their wifes started asking for many things and money. Those are the ones to avoid because everyone of them I have seen ends up with the foreign man loosing everything.
As for theft it is less here than in other big cities I have lived in. I have had 3 helmets stolen, pickpocketed and that's it. Yes when relatives and her friends come over I lock up all valuables but then so does she! Common sense |
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Buffalo Boy
Joined: 02 Oct 2009
Posts: 80
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 7:22 am Post subject: |
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I thought my marriage was a disaster, but from what I'm reading here it's text book stuff. I had the motorbike thing happen to me, bought one to ride to work on and the missus wanted to give it to her brother (it was in her name). She walked out on me when I said no, despite being two months pregnant at the time. I stood my ground and got back both motorbike and wife.
The subsequent destruction of my mental, physical and financial health is another story, but it was a great victory at the time. |
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jb0072009
Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 127
Location: Saigon
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 11:47 am Post subject: |
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| Right on Buffalo Boy! Score 1 |
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CThomas
Joined: 21 Oct 2009
Posts: 380
Location: HCMC, Vietnam
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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| jb0072009 wrote: |
| Some motorbike dealers have a contract form that they you and the buyer fill out. Others do not but you can go to a Viet lawyer to get it done. Make sure it is notarized. The problem like I said is that the bike is still registered to the Viet, not you. However you can sell the bike as long as you have all the papers like registration and sales receipt (even though not in your name) as long as you also have that sales contract. I have sold one bike like this to a Honda dealer. My wife, a Viet had to do the same thing because her family book is in An Giang. So she had to have a friend with a family book in HCMC buy the bike and get the contract done. A real pain and a VERY STUPID law which makes no sense but TIV |
I'll look into that, man. Thanks much. My gf is going check on this at the police station as well; will post if she discovers anything. |
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chim35
Joined: 25 Jun 2010
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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| londo wrote: |
| 'chim35', sorry...chim is a bad(nice) word in VN...ask a local girl! |
Leave it to me to pick a name out of the ether and it turns out to be of questionable taste. But really, when I check "chim" on vdict.com I don't see any naughty definitions. What is the bad meaning? heck, I thought it meant bird.
| londo wrote: |
Having 7 or 8 brothers is not so much of a problem except having them sleep on your couch, having to give them Tet lucky money, and of course don't upset the GF, VN brothers are VERY protective!
I don't understand how anyone could have a relationship without a common language, talking is as, or more important than, the 'other' IMO, can't even argue effectively! |
I guess the brothers will come to your house en masse and beat your brains out if the wife is upset?
Yes, it's quite difficult to have a relationship when you don't speak the same language. but what was i supposed to do? the VN girls I met who understood English weren't attractive--or were either age-inappropriate or didn't like me, or both. I figured we could teach each other the languages...but noticed, after a few months, that she was making no effort to expand her english knowledge. Hmm...
| londo wrote: |
In all 'poor' countries, no, don't think so, but in Asia, it is expected that the woman is 100% looked after/supported and a boy never leaves his family but brings his wife into the unit. As a foreigner with no local family you enter her family and have to bring something to the table. |
Of course, I would 100% support the wife. The problem comes with the family expecting to be supported. Giving an annual gift to the parents is one thing, but expecting a foreign husband of limited means--even if he seems rich compared to most VNese-- to support brothers and sisters is simply ridiculous.
| londo wrote: |
Don't worry about divorce....women don't have the same rights here as they do in the West....they'll just come with their 7 or 8 brothers and take what they want. Like anywhere, date for at least 2-3 years before you get hitched....just like the VN do, don't be pressured..if she can stick it out and you can keep expenses checked....cue romantic mood music |
well, what do you do when the girl says, as my girl did, "Okay, i've gone to bed with you 4 or 5 times, now no more sex until marriage." It would be hard to wait 2-3 years under those circumstances.
To put her point of view in perspective a bit, she was a rural girl who lived in a tiny village in the delta, so maybe her "morals" were different than those of a vn city girl.
I thought under VN divorce law the woman takes half your money, no? |
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chim35
Joined: 25 Jun 2010
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| jb0072009 wrote: |
I have met many foreigners who married Viets and their wifes started asking for many things and money. Those are the ones to avoid because everyone of them I have seen ends up with the foreign man loosing everything. |
these are the girls to avoid, jb, but if the wives only started demanding things after the wedding, how is the foreigner to avoid them? You can only avoid them if she starts making the demands before the marriage.
One Vietnamese man told me that he didn't know any VNese woman who didn't demand that her boyfriend/husband buy her things. He said they all do it. The key, i guess, is to make them understand that you can't afford to support her family, and that the money you give her brothers and sisters means a lower standard of living for wife and hubby, and if she doesn't like that, she can try to attract a Rockefeller nephew with her ad in Vietsingle.
But we foreigners are ALL rich, of course. Everyone knows that.
I would think it would be a good idea not to let the wife know how much money you have in the bank. |
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londo
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
Location: District 7
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| Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 12:09 am Post subject: |
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1. p..sy
2. yep, but most VN girls can beat you up themselves.
3. how on earth did you meet?
4. Saigon born and bred, she would want more for herself and less for the family, but a Delta girl is very different. Even a relatively well off family can have a total annual income of 6 - 9m Dong (3-400 USD), they live off the land..you ARE rich and when we say 'support' we don't necessarily mean a monthly 'wage' but frequent gifts, often equal to or more than their income.
5. Oh dear, they don't give it away so easily OR withdraw the goodies so easily either, the girl's got a plan!
6. This is VN, what the law says bears NO semblance to what actually happens...no family court bailiffs are going to check wage slips or bank statements here...what wage slips, what bank account, what family court, what court, what bailiffs...?
they don't wait that long, within 6 months you can judge whether they really care or not...and who's going to rush into marriage that quickly...you can't need it that badly that marriage is the only way, surely |
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jb0072009
Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 127
Location: Saigon
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| Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 6:36 am Post subject: |
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| chim35 wrote: |
| jb0072009 wrote: |
I have met many foreigners who married Viets and their wifes started asking for many things and money. Those are the ones to avoid because everyone of them I have seen ends up with the foreign man loosing everything. |
these are the girls to avoid, jb, but if the wives only started demanding things after the wedding, how is the foreigner to avoid them? You can only avoid them if she starts making the demands before the marriage.
One Vietnamese man told me that he didn't know any VNese woman who didn't demand that her boyfriend/husband buy her things. He said they all do it. The key, i guess, is to make them understand that you can't afford to support her family, and that the money you give her brothers and sisters means a lower standard of living for wife and hubby, and if she doesn't like that, she can try to attract a Rockefeller nephew with her ad in Vietsingle.
But we foreigners are ALL rich, of course. Everyone knows that.
I would think it would be a good idea not to let the wife know how much money you have in the bank. |
You can usually tell within 6 months to a year what the girl is like. As Londo said they all expect money and gifts from their husbands, even Viet husbands. In general the hotter they are the more they expect (just like in the west). The key is how they react when you say no to outrageous demands like buy me a motorbike or give me $10,000 for me to go to school before you are married Such demands are BIG red flags. After you are married things are different just like in the west. Yes they want money (reasonable) and occasional gifts. BUT if they strat asking for things and they know you do not have the money (like 1 guy I knew the wife asked for $30,000 for a business) those are RED flags as well. Basically you just apply the same things you would to choosing a wife in the west and forget all this culture crap you will hear. Girls here are the same as in the west only speak different, eat different, differnt world views, different knowledge but their attitude towards you should be the same. Good idea NOT to let them know how much money you have. Reason is not to be sneaky but they do not understand that you are saving for retirement, house or car or something big like that. They think you are hiding it from them |
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londo
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
Location: District 7
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| Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 7:15 am Post subject: |
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Never known a wife, any wife, not ask for/demanding things during marriage...that is marriage...and it's cool. Only problem is when they demand before (VN) or after (Western).
But let's put this into perspective; what Western man would get upset(as long as he could afford it or get credit) at buying a second car for $20k or buying some jewellry or some nice family holidays or a nice meal for $200.
Let's not exagerate boys,
I give my in-laws 3-4 million at Tet, have bought them a DVD player and their first fridge this year..total-5 million and each time I visit (5 times a year) I bring them a few bottles, meat and other goodies worth a bout $30.
At tet I give the kids a little 'lucky' money, total 1 million. Nobody asks for more and they are far from rich. So I spend about 11.5 million VND or $500 or $600 a year.
What do I get?...about 2 weeks total in a beautiful place surrounded by palm trees, beaches and great food. Everytime I come home I am loaded to the gills with fresh fruit, coconuts, king prawns and other goodies. Anyone who comes to HCMC brings more for me. I get respect, help and even a little love...all for 500 bucks.
and would I refuse to pay for good medical care for my in-laws if they needed it?....of course not.
What do we normally spend at xmas or thanksgiving when at home?
Don't begrudge my wife anything..what's a $4000 scooter?...jeez my ex wife got a Mercedes and a house out of me.
I agree, be careful before you get married, but let's not treat them like cheap belongings once we get married, they deserve more. |
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londo
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
Location: District 7
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| Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 7:49 am Post subject: |
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let it be known, the above was written with the wife standing behind me whilst peeling veggies with a very sharp knife.
for the kids who have problems with nuances, I'm joking!
Last edited by londo on Sat Jul 03, 2010 1:17 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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hot_rock
Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
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| Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 10:44 am Post subject: |
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| You're an interesting character Londo. I don't like you |
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londo
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 107
Location: District 7
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| Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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Am so distraught potato peeler is now on wrists, actually I quite like you..at least you say something and have an opinion, so many kids nowadays are frightened of their own shadows for fear of upsetting somebody....this is a country that incites strong opinions...let it out..you do.
Nobody should be frightened of giving an opinion on Vietnam or the Vietnamese as long as it is not overly offensive or 'illegal' and nothing I have said is so...PCness has no home here.
Gotta take it like you give it tho. A coffee anytime you want kiddo. |
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