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TokyoLiz
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 1548
Location: Tokyo, Japan
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 Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 9:38 am Post subject: |
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| Nightsofdreams, I was raised in a shoes off household. It's a cultural aversion to shoes in the house. Japanese culture is not the only one that has shoes off policy in buildings. |
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2buckets
Joined: 14 Dec 2010
Posts: 515
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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It's definitely culture.
My Chinese wife has these similar quirks and no amount of opposition will make her change.
In the interest of domestic peace, adapt and live with it. After all, these habits are based on thousands of years of culture, and are not easily changed. |
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nightsintodreams
Joined: 18 May 2010
Posts: 558
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 1:30 am Post subject: |
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| Tokyoliz, I was also brought up in a shoes off culture, but still the idea of taking such a strong dislike to someone stepping one foot onto the gaikan (or outside for that matter) to help someone with their bags seems over the top to and a little obsessive to me. |
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ZennoSaji
Joined: 02 Feb 2010
Posts: 87
Location: Mito, Ibaraki
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 9:28 am Post subject: |
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The hair had a lot to do with it, obviously. Plenty of people that I have met here sometimes walk outside in their indoor shoes and thus wouldn't react at all to stepping a foot into the genkan for the groceries.
Glad you two made up.  |
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rtm
Joined: 13 Apr 2007
Posts: 1003
Location: US
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2014 10:38 am Post subject: |
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| nightsintodreams wrote: |
| Tokyoliz, I was also brought up in a shoes off culture, but still the idea of taking such a strong dislike to someone stepping one foot onto the gaikan (or outside for that matter) to help someone with their bags seems over the top to and a little obsessive to me. |
But for someone who is already upset about something, it might be just enough to push them over the edge... |
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Vince
Joined: 05 May 2003
Posts: 559
Location: U.S.
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| Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't buy into the haircut being justification for her to snap at you like that. Rather than training yourself to tip-toe around her various "cultural expectations" or moods, you should start a dialog that focuses on building relationship patterns that acknowledge both of you as respectable adults. You might be new to her country, but that doesn't demote you to a remedial entity that has to re-earn its personhood. |
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fat_chris
Joined: 10 Sep 2003
Posts: 3198
Location: Beijing
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| Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Vince wrote: |
| I don't buy into the haircut being justification for her to snap at you like that. Rather than training yourself to tip-toe around her various "cultural expectations" or moods, you should start a dialog that focuses on building relationship patterns that acknowledge both of you as respectable adults. You might be new to her country, but that doesn't demote you to a remedial entity that has to re-earn its personhood. |
+1
Seconded.
Warm regards,
fat_chris |
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ssjup81
Joined: 15 Jun 2009
Posts: 664
Location: Adachi-ku, Tokyo, Japan
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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Was it "that time of the month"? 
Even though you mentioned that she was bothered over her haircut, this still seems a bit extreme. |
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Maitoshi
Joined: 04 May 2014
Posts: 718
Location: ไฝๅฆใงใ
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| Posted: Thu May 29, 2014 10:19 am Post subject: |
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| ssjup81 wrote: |
Was it "that time of the month"?
Even though you mentioned that she was bothered over her haircut, this still seems a bit extreme. |
You just had to go there, didn't you? Sometimes we are all thinking the same things, but it's best not to let them slip ๐ |
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ssjup81
Joined: 15 Jun 2009
Posts: 664
Location: Adachi-ku, Tokyo, Japan
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| Posted: Fri May 30, 2014 2:28 am Post subject: |
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| Maitoshi wrote: |
| ssjup81 wrote: |
Was it "that time of the month"?
Even though you mentioned that she was bothered over her haircut, this still seems a bit extreme. |
You just had to go there, didn't you? Sometimes we are all thinking the same things, but it's best not to let them slip ๐ |
As a woman myself I couldn't help but wonder. |
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Maitoshi
Joined: 04 May 2014
Posts: 718
Location: ไฝๅฆใงใ
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| Posted: Fri May 30, 2014 5:13 am Post subject: |
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| ssjup81 wrote: |
| Maitoshi wrote: |
| ssjup81 wrote: |
Was it "that time of the month"?
Even though you mentioned that she was bothered over her haircut, this still seems a bit extreme. |
You just had to go there, didn't you? Sometimes we are all thinking the same things, but it's best not to let them slip ๐ |
As a woman myself I couldn't help but wonder. |
Thank goodness! The thread might have gotten really ugly if one of the guys posted that. |
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Futureal
Joined: 27 May 2014
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 2:41 am Post subject: |
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Using the same tools for "dirty" things as for "clean" things is to Japan what putting kids in a car without a carseat is to the US.
It should be noted that what is designated "dirty" or "clean" is a function their designated symbolic value and not how much dirt, bacteria, etc. is actually in them. |
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rtm
Joined: 13 Apr 2007
Posts: 1003
Location: US
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| Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 6:17 am Post subject: |
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| Futureal wrote: |
| It should be noted that what is designated "dirty" or "clean" is a function their designated symbolic value and not how much dirt, bacteria, etc. is actually in them. |
So, so true. I can't tell you the number of times I've grabbed a rag (clean, had just come from the washing machine) and wiped something off the kitchen counter only for my wife to start berating me for using a floor rag (dirty) on the kitchen counter. She fully acknowledges that it was "clean" in the sense that there is no bacteria or dirt on it, and that it's purely psychological. |
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JoeKing
Joined: 30 Apr 2008
Posts: 519
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| Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 1:15 pm Post subject: |
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| rtm wrote: |
| Futureal wrote: |
| It should be noted that what is designated "dirty" or "clean" is a function their designated symbolic value and not how much dirt, bacteria, etc. is actually in them. |
So, so true. I can't tell you the number of times I've grabbed a rag (clean, had just come from the washing machine) and wiped something off the kitchen counter only for my wife to start berating me for using a floor rag (dirty) on the kitchen counter. She fully acknowledges that it was "clean" in the sense that there is no bacteria or dirt on it, and that it's purely psychological. |
Reminds me of the Gain laundry detergent ad running recently where a guy is drying his face with a freshly washed and great-smelling towel and then his wife tells him that it's the "dog's towel". He just shrugs and says "Mi towel es su towel".
And then there's the Family Guy episode where Stewie is in the bath tub washing his face and Peter comes in and says"Hey you found my butt rag." |
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2buckets
Joined: 14 Dec 2010
Posts: 515
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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| My wife, (Chinese), insists on washing socks separately from other laundry, and underwear separately from other laundry. |
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