Job Discussion Forums

[Ebenezer]

Well, vre, if you have been living together for 2 years, I guess his parents may suspect you're not a pure girl anymore... laughs!

[justme]

Oh my god, they really did that with the cloth? I should hope mine's mother has clued in by now-- while we're not living together, he stays most nights at my house. His mother calls him every morning to make sure he wakes up so his dad doesn't get mad at him for being late for work, and she did give him a pillow to keep at my house because mine was giving him a stiff neck. Either that or my sneaking the window open at night...

But other than the phone calls and the pillow, his staying over is a nice and tacit understanding, not for polite company.

I too was just thinking the other day how it's nicer and safer for kids here-- they seem so innocent, and they get to have such nice long childhoods. Perhaps a little too long for some, when it seems their innocence and childhood extends well into their 30's. But I would prefer to raise them here than in the States. If my kids got up to the same things I did as a bad teen....better not to think of it

[calsimsek]

O.K as a man who is married to a turk let me get my pennies worth in here.
One before you marry Turk you must realize that you are also married to the family. At my wedding there was one table of 6 yabanci and six turkish wives. All of us still meet and we have a similar problem our wives have to speak to their monthers once a week and see them at least once a week. If the family is from the west of Turkey and the girl/boy has a good job then, lots of issues such as religion and tradition are not a problem. If you go ahead and get involved with a traditional Eastern or Central Turkish family, then prolems will come up. Even western Turk who marry into eastern families have problems. The divorce rate thrown around is out of this world. Most men who marry Turks stay married; (Our girls should think about that) as for women well if yet the Turkish male act like king out side the hopuse like the local girls do then you won't have a problem. The key is to understand the concept of saving face.
In the end after all is said and done true love will always win out

[vre]

[dervish]

Interesting thread

Isn�t it true that many factors play into how the marriage will go?

Your attitude and flexibility
Your husband�s attitude and flexibility
Open mindedness, effort, education, viewpoint, tolerance, and acceptance.

I don't think it is possible to really say how a Turkish/other marriage will go because too many variables get thrown into the mix for each couple.

You could have a very modern thinking mother in law who is just an absolute witch.

I think religion is probably the biggest factor for my husband and I, but we are living in the USA so the family doesn't get to interfere with us. I like Islam, and enjoy learning about it, and I�m not any more into Christianity than Islam.............you can find radicals in both camps. However, I do wish he thought more like me, and had a more liberal view of Islam. Therefore, as long as I don't care about religion, then he can tell his family whatever makes their ears ring with joy. They want me to wear hijabi (around them).........great, it makes me less of an attraction to stare at. They want me to seem subservient..........ok I can act. At home I will tear into my hubby, but the show must go on.

Most important: my husband doesn't want to look like a failure for choosing me, he wants it to work. Which means he knows he needs to bend a little. The father was very against choosing me, and he's just waiting for the divorce so he can say I told ya so.

A Turkish couple that we are friends with here in NY said if they were still living in turkey they would have been divorced by now because of family interference (both of them are Turks), so living in the US has forced them to depend on each other more, and get through the struggles together without constant input from family. They think that living in the US has made them stronger in their relationship. Now isn't that a kicker?

[misterkodak]

I'm married to a turkish woman. As a matter of fact, we've been married 3 years. I guess I'm lucky. My wife's family is Almanci. I've got 3 engagements under my belt and she's divorced. Involvement from both her family (and mine) is kept to a minimum. Then again, my inlaws lived in Germany for 30 years. My wife and I speak German at home. We agreed before marriage that we would do our own thing and accept each other how we are. We also agreed before marriage that we're different people with similar experiences in life who have similar goals.
We've got 2 daughters (actually stepdaughters) aged 7 and 17. They aren't pushed to accept any one culture (US or Turkish). My oldest daugher speaks English with me .The youngest Turkish or English (depending on her moods).
I think marriage depends on alot of give and mutual appreciation/understanding of the cultures involved. As a poster mentioned earlier, not only do you marry your Turkish spouse, you inherit her family along with it. I think its moreso with the men than the women. My inlaws seldom intrude in our marriage.. they actually complain they dont' see the s enough.