Job Discussion Forums

johnslat · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2003 3:04 am Post subject: My Platform

Dear guest of Japan,
You tell me what it is you want, first, and I'll then tell you what my campaign platform is - specifically. Generally speaking, though, I'm for full employment, lower taxes, a strong defense, more aid to education and the poor, a full-coverage national health plan, a cleaner environment,
a booming stock market and all-around peace and prosperity. Now I realize that these principled stands will make me highly unpopular with large sections of the voting public, but my unwavering integrity and stong ethical/moral nature do not permit me to curry favor by appealing to special interest groups. Please send your donation in cash - no checks ( or balances ).
Regards,
Honest John

Irish · Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 371

John:

We want the usual--zero taxes, expanded social services, universal admiration, world domination, complete security, total liberty, and the ability to blame our fearless leader for every ill that afflicts us, even those beyond his control. It's also nice if you can entertain us with witty remarks at your opponent's expense while running a campaign free of rancor. (W is a slow-moving target in the wit department so it should be no problem for you.) Just as soon as I start seeing all that money that W's economic plan is supposed to generate, I'll send you my donation.

What's the name of your party, by the way? I've always been a strong patriopsychoticanarchomaterialist myself but I'm interested in other political philosophies, despite the fact that they're wrong.

Irish

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

I want to be a most most favored special interest group. If you can accommodate my wishes then you have yourself a strong supporter.

I'm a little skeptical about your Cayman Island bank account though.

How do we know we can trust you?

johnslat · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2003 6:35 am Post subject: With interest

Dear guest of Japan,
" How do we know we can trust you? "
Have I ever lied to you? I hereby classify you as a most, most highly favored, very, very extra special, special interest group. And, speaking of interest - ah, the money?
Regards,
John
P.S. Dear Irish, I'll get back to you on the party name. I want it to be highly descriptive, something like " The Universalist Party ", perhaps.

johnslat · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2003 10:02 am Post subject:

Dear Irish,
The name, the name - well the " Raving Loony " name's already taken:

http://www.omrlp.com/

And, they even have a USA branch:

http://usloonyparty.tripod.com/

Too bad - that would have fit so well. How about if I offer some suggestions and you pick the one you favor?

1. The Disgruntled Party

2. The Party Party

3. The Surprise Party

4. The Party of the First Part

5. The Party Till You Drop Party

6. The Hearty Party

7. The Party Pooper Party

8. The Party Animal Party

9. The Party's Over Party

10. The You Talkin' To Me Party

11. The Fuggedaboutit Party

12. The Whatever Party

If you don't see one you like, feel free to make a suggestion.

Regards,
John
P.S. But I'm not going to promise you anything, since, from your post, it's clear that I can expect no, nada, zilch, zip contributions from you.

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

How about "The Never Ending Party"?

Would you prefer hard or soft money?

I very much appreciate my classification in your political organization. I can assure you I will be most generous.

ls650 · Joined: 10 May 2003 Posts: 3484 Location: British Columbia

I'd like to thank those of you who managed to stay on topic and answered my original question... Wink

Thanks!

johnslat · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2003 2:27 pm Post subject: You're most welcome

Dear IS650,
What! And no thanks for us - we who are trying to engage in serious political discourse upon which the very fate of the world may well depend.
Hurumphhh!
Regards,
John

johnslat · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2003 2:31 pm Post subject: Party on dudes and dudessses

Dear guest of Japan,
The Never-Ending Party! I love it.

" Would you prefer hard or soft money? "

I would prefer both - in serious denominations. But I've always been softer on soft than on hard. By the way, I'm tax-deductible. And how would you like to be, say, Secretary of State?
Regards,
John

Irish · Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 371

The Never Ending Party--now that's a ticket any EFL/ESL teacher can feel good about supporting.

What about a running mate? I'd like to nominate keNt. He's smart and has all kinds of data at his fingertips without being a stiff egghead like Al Gore.

johnslat · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2003 5:25 pm Post subject:

Dear Irish,
Although I appreciate your suggestion of keNt as a running mate, your reasons are exactly why I CAN'T choose him:

" He's smart and has all kinds of data at his fingertips . . "

One genius on the ticket is OK ( moi, of course ), but it's got to be a balanced ticket. Two geniuses ( genii ? ) would never appeal to the vast, mentally-challenged American public ( Now don't get me wrong here - sure, they're dumb, but heck, so's every other public. Look who gets elected everywhere ). No, what I need is an idiot, a pleasant, down-home idiot. Hmm, guess I could see if Barney Fife is available. Any other suggestions?
Regards,
John
P.S. Dubya would be perfect - too bad he's already vice-president.

Irish · Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 371

Forget the reactionary Barney Fife--go for Gomer Pyle! Not only is he dumber than a box of rocks, he's even more down-home than W and he's a former marine. By getting Gomer into the White House, we get Jim Nabors out of the islands so that we no longer have to be terrorized by his singing. A win-win proposition all the way.

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

Secretary of State sounds very appealing.

Can Kent be Secretary of Defense? I'm sure his knowledge of Russia will prove to be very valuable.

I'd recommend Stephen Jones for White House Chief of Staff. That guy never misses a detail.

With a name like The Never-Ending Party we'll never need a slogan.

johnslat · Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2003 3:20 am Post subject: The Cabinet's shaping up

Dear Irish,
Of course - Gomer! How could I have ever overlooked him? Of course Goober's a possibilty, too, but Gomer's military background will allow him to wrap the flag about himself with much more credibility than Dubya ever could. And I can certainly understand your desire to see him off to the mainland - perhaps he could take Don Ho with him.
Dear guest of Japan,
Hmm, keNt at Defense, huh? I was thinking more " Heath, Education and Welfare ", but he can have his pick. Stephen Jones as Chief of Staff is an inspired choice, the " power behind the throne ", so to speak. I'm considering R as head of the NSA or CIA ( maybe both ). True, he's a Brit, but who else could be as cunning, as devious? Consider yourself my shadow Secretary of State. You might want to get in touch with Colin for some OJT ( On the Job Training ).
Regards,
Honest John

Irish · Joined: 13 Jan 2003 Posts: 371

The cabinet described so far sounds like a real dream team. I think veiledsentiments should be made head of Homeland Defense because: a) she's so dang sensible and b) she actually resides in the homeland, unlike many of the regulars around here.

Taking over the tricky situation in the Middle East will be difficult. Perhaps you could put Zakiah in charge of rebuilding Iraq and charge scot47 with brokering peace between the Palestinians and the Israelis. If I was locked in a room with him for any length of time, I'd agree to almost anything.

As for Don Ho, we won't hear a word against him. It's not just because he has a large number of large relatives who would beat the tar out of us for speaking ill of him (although that is a consideration). He's an island icon--like Jack Lord and Elvis. As president, I think you'd make Native Hawaiians very happy by appointing him as our new king and returning the islands to them. Just ask them not to make all us haoles swim back to where we came from, please.